I am a guy, and I have an abusive girlfriend.

My girlfriend, A, and I have been dating for little over a year now. When I first met A, she was the sweetest girl I have ever met. She always smiles, was kind to everyone, and was super clever. I fell head over heels for her. When we started dating, she would attend all of my volleyball games (yes, my school has a boys volleyball team. There's also one for girls too) and would actually bake me and my team cookies or brownies whenever we won a game. Those first few months with her was like heaven.

It wasn't until into our sixth month of dating did she started acting odd. Whenever I would hang out with friends and she wasn't there, she would ask me who I was with, where I was going, and if there were any girls with me. I just thought that she was just asking out of curiosity, so I didn't put much thought into it. But whenever I was with somebody that was not her, she would constantly text me and call me to the point that I would leave whatever I was doing to be with her so she would stop calling and texting me. Like before, I just assumed that she might have missed me or something.

Afterwards, that's when the abuse actually began. I do have friends that are girls. Whenever I would talk or hang out with them, A would get angry. There was one time when I just casually mentioned that one of my friend, who is a girl, loved the same shoes A wore that day, she exploded. She yelled, "What does that supposed to mean, huh? How do you even know that? Wait, are you cheating on me with that skank? ARE YOU FUCKING CHEATING ON ME?" I was absolutely terrified. I didn't know what I did wrong, I thought that it was all my fault. I profusely apologized to A. Another event somewhat similar to this was when I broke my leg from a dirt biking accident. A couple of my friends came to visit me when I was home alone since my parents were working. A came to visit me too, but one of my female friends came before her and was just about to leave. A acted really nice when she was there, but when she left all hell broke loose. A started screaming and cursing at me, claiming that I was cheating on her with the girl. She made all sorts of ludicrous accusations. Then, she took my crutches away from me when I was sitting down. I politely told her to please give them back since I can't walk without them. A replied with, "Then good! It means that you can't walk around to cheat, you dirty asshole. After how many months we've been dating, and you're still friends with those whores? But I guess that 'friends' is too far fetched. I know that you're cheating on me. What am I to you, huh? SOME BITCH? IS THAT WHAT I AM? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?" She started screaming and crying at me, and I was scared out of my mind. Then she stopped, took my crutches, and left before saying, "I hope you fucking die, asshole." I quickly called my parents and told them that I can't walk since my crutches were gone. I lied to them about somehow losing it (though I doubt that they ever did believe me about that).

A just kept getting more and more abusive. She would punch and kick me, called me degrading names in front of my friends, and made accusations of me cheating on her (I never once cheated on her). My friends and family kept telling to break up with her, but I don't know how. Whenever I mentioned or implied about a break up, A would get furious. She would yell, "What the hell is wrong with you? After all we've been through and you want to end it? I FUCKING LOVE YOU BUT I GUESS YOU DON'T. You will never find anyone like me, anyone that can deal with you and your fucking bullshit." She would then cry and claimed that she would commit suicide if I broke up with her or if I ever tell anyone about all of this, and it would be all my fault that she would be dead.

I'm scared of breaking up with A. Another issue with that is that I am a guy. Who would believe me, a 6'1 athletic male, is being my abused my his 5'6 girlfriend? I'm afraid that people will make fun of or look down on me. What can I do? Do I have to just keep on tolerating the abuse? Is there any way for me to end this relationship?

Go to the police or say the true hehehe Good luck

>I lied to them about somehow losing it (though I doubt that they ever did believe me about that).

Well that was stupid of you.

Let's see what other obvious flaws in logic you reached.

>She would then cry and claimed that she would commit suicide if I broke up with her or if I ever tell anyone about all of this, and it would be all my fault that she would be dead.

A lot of girls and guys use this. Take her to court, get a restraining order, and see that she has to do mandatory counseling.

After that, wash your hands of her.


>Another issue with that is that I am a guy. Who would believe me, a 6'1 athletic male, is being my abused my his 5'6 girlfriend?

Once again, a stupid way to think. Guys often joke about "that one psycho bitch" they've had for a girlfriend. The guys at the station would understand- ESPECIALLY if you're asking for a damn RESTRAINING ORDER. DUH!
Saying shit like that is just your own manly pride blocking clear thought.

Also, it would've made sense to take pictures or at least make a voice recording with your cell phone at least once so that you would have evidence.

However, you did mention how your friends and family know about the situation, so they could be witnesses to the bruising and verbal a use and any mental breakdowns you may have had in their presence.

Go to the police or at least tell your parents. That relationship is just tying you down. A majority of people that say they will commit suicide if you dump them are lying and doing it to keep you in the relationship. That girl sounds like she needs help. You don't need to make her problems yours. Get out of the relationship quick and get a restraining order if necessary. And then like mag said, wash your hands of her. Its not your fault that she is like that. Good Luck and be honest with your parents

that gril is sick end this relation ASAP that narcissism she have well for me it seems so is bad for you well you saw already she just controll or want to controll the relationship to a part thats abnormal well its so or so abnormal just end this you deserve somewhat better then that

Yeah bruh dont be scared. If you run away from the situation it will only get worse. You have to stand up to her. If she gets crazy dont back down. Its not easy but it will get some results. Grow some balls ya 6'1 motherfucker! Also if she says she will commit suicide, just say ok. Dont say "do it" or encourage her, but dont fight against it. Just be like "ok, so what" She is only saying that for attention. No matter the reason she is acting this way the bitch needs to leave your life if you want to live and be the same guy you are.

Warning: This may sound a bit heartless, and I'm probably wrong.

Well, if your girlfriend is abusing you, then simply break up with her. If she actually loved you, she wouldn't do those kinds of things. And she's right, you'll never find another person like her, as everyone is different. Instead, one day, you will find an even better person, who actually cares for you. Maybe calling the police and using a restraining order would be good to do in advance. Saying things like "I'll do suicide" normally is just a threat to keep you there, if anything, I think she's the one who's giving you bs. Suicide is something that is the person's decision, not anyone else's, to put it simply, it wouldn't be your fault, you didn't do anything wrong. Abuse is not love. Listening to her and doing what she wants you to do isn't helping you in any way at all.

There's nothing wrong with fear, but it is if it will get in the way of you doing what you have to do.
Also I think anyone would be a fool to underestimate the power of smaller people, (I ALWAYS watch out for them actually) but I think it's even more stupid that you'd hold your pride over your safety. So when you break up with her, (when, not if), maybe have a friend near by in case hell breaks loose. Your closest friends will be the ones to help you out, so if they think ur a wuss, you know who you can really count on.

Thank you to everyone who's answered this!

I talked over it with my parents, and I am going to put a restraining order on A. On Wednesday, a few of my friends will come with me when I break up with her (they won't be right on the scene, but they will be nearby.

>>3 I understand that the lie I told to my parents were stupid. I was just really rattled at the moment, and I guess somewhere in my mind I thought that it would be better to just not tell them. I was also afraid that A would commit suicide. I know that many people in abusive relationships have heard their abusive partner say that, but I was truly afraid that A would kill herself. She has told me that she was in a deep depression a couple of years ago after her parents suddenly got a divorced (her parents are indeed divorced, and she is still taking anti-depressant pills). So I just stupidly assumed that she would kill herself. I am not really prideful...it's just that I was afraid that people really won't believe me. I never thought of recording or taking pictures of any of her tantrums. A's tantrums usually just occur from time to time, and I stupidly believed that everything would get better.

>>4 Yes, I will break up with her. Though I'm afraid that I will continue to see her from time to time, but not at my own accord. I live in a pretty small town with a population under two thousand. It's the type of place where everybody knows everybody, and I do see people I know whenever I'm in public. Yes, I will wash my hands of A, and I will try my hardest to avoid any interaction with A.

>>6 Haha, I understand. For a guy who's 6'1, I actually am pretty bad with fighting (I was in the wrestling team once but that didn't last very long haha).

>>7 It's alright, I do agree with what you say. Her problems are not mine, and I need to keep telling myself that I can't help or do everything for everyone. And I do hope that I find someone that I can truly love and care for, but I think that I'll stay single for a little while longer haha.

>>8 I am listening to your advice and will do just that!

I get your position as a guy, but a real friend, in a serious talk, will lend you his ear anyways.
You don't love her anymore, if that's the case, break up. If she then tells her that she still loves you, tell her that loving a person means trusting them as well, and holding them dear, which she obviously doesn't. She treats you like a bird in a cage, trying to rip the feathers from your wings. If she really loves you, she wouldn't threaten you, nor would she abuse you. The feeling she has is not that of mutual love but of posession. Making accusations without any proof, if her delusions already make her go to such lengths, she doesn't trust you at all.
If you do still love her, there's a more optimistic version. Prove your love. Give her something only she has, like a ring or whatever, and share a duplicate of that. Take your time for her and show her that you only care for her, have some romantic moments. And if that only deteriorates the situation, you can take the easy way out and say that you really thought it might work and that she disappointed you.
Don't worry about the suicide threat. She has no right to blame everything on you, nor should it be that serious. Well, if she does attempt or even commit it, that kind of twisted mentality seems far out of your reach to fix in your current condition.

You try breaking up when most of us don't even have one.....

Hmm. I think its better that you sit down and talk things through with her. Ask her what happened. Like, what made her suddenly change. Did something happened to her?

Sometimes, there's a story behind which we always miss out. Listen to her. You may not love her, but she might be depressed over something and who knows? She might do something dumb if you just straight off broke up with her.

Not that I don't sympathize with your current situation, but I'm just saying is that, its better to understand the whole situation before making a decision. Hope your problem will solve soon :) Cheers.

>>10 Thank you for your kind words. I do deeply care about A, and I don't think that will ever stop. She really is a very sweet girl, but the abuse is just too much for me to handle. I have been optimistic about our relationship and did wished that we could have somehow made it work.

>>11 Haha if it makes you feel better, I actually am quite bad at flirting. I can't flirt to save my life. I guess I'm just kind of lucky? I don't really have that many girlfriends in my life (there's only been two, which is A and another girl that moved), so I can't say that I am a love expert. But don't worry! I'm sure you'll find that special someone; just keep your eyes open. :)

>>12 I have never really thought about that. A have been dealing with depression for a while, and we have talked about it in the past. Thank you very much for the advice. I may take you up on that. :)

UPDATE: My parents are urging me to get the restraining order, and I believe that I will get it if the situation calls for it. My plan about the break on Wednesday is still on, but I will listen to Keiji-san's advice about talking to her. I do think it's in the best interest to end our relationship. I will forever care and respect A. Despite all the things she said and done, A truly is a very charming and clever girl. I just hope that she will one day be able to find someone she can truly love.

I'd like to be optimistic but the sweet girl you probably knew is because you guys weren't that close. The longer you know someone the more comfortable they are around you and they feel more free to act naturally. We all have different definitions of "love" but I believe love is when two people click together without trying. You can't force love because later on in the relationship it'll just hurt you.

The big problem in your relationship is trust, she simply doesn't trust you. Jealously is one thing this is actual lack of trust. You may love her now but this will only hurt you in the long run. I recommend break up for your own mental health.

>>13 You're too kind, but I guess that's allowed when you care deeply for that person. I do hope everything resolves nicely with just some broken hearts and not limbs. (Well, both can be fixed)
I'd like to know how this issue resolves, so keep us up to date! :D

Try to think if there cud be someone who likes ur gf and wud try to frame u for cheating. It is possible someone started a rumor and framed out of jealousy

*sighs* been there, done that. Remember it will not be YOUR fault. She's too clingy, and it's ridiculous that she'd kill herself just because of a simple thing. What's wrong with having friends with an opposite gender? If she truly loves you, she will truly trust your words that they are just your friends and nothing is beyond it. She's threatening you by telling you she'd suicide if you left her. But here's the thing. She DOESN'T LOVE YOU. She's OBSSESSED WITH YOU. Thise two are really different to each other. If she loves you, she should not act so selfish. She should TRUST you.

I think you should talk to her and just communicate. There may have been a misunderstanding somewhere, but make it clear that if she's going to act like that every time you are around your friends, then you would rather break up with her. (Can you imagine yourself with A for the rest of your life? If you don't like how she is trying to isolate you, then break up. There's no point in staying with her if you only like her for her "outer self" rather than who she truly is." But beware, she may come up with a bunch of scary rumors about you to try to get you back so do your best to break up with her in the nicest way possible...

I would say she is a bit out of it and that u should find a good way to get out of that relationship. She is loosing it.

make her break up wwith you, I know you a good guy, you have a good heart, I can tell. and she won't kill her self this is a act for attention. All this is, She feel very self conscious about her self, an is scared to death to lose you, I would leave her, but im not you. if you do stay just make it more apparent you care..like when she yell stay calm say sorry and ask her if she is ok. if she says no, ask if you can help in anyway.
dunno if I helped, I just have folks who are exactly the same way and that is all I an think to do
This is all for attention. she don't feel secure about her self

You broke up with her yesterday, right?
How did it go? What happened?

Thank you for all the replies!

>>21 Yes, I have broke up with A Wednesday. She took it...well enough, I supposed?

On Friday afternoon, I asked A if she wanted to hang out at the food court in the mall (I originally thought of somewhere more private, but a friend of mine suggested a more public place in case if A decided to do something rash). I told her that it was just going to be the two of us, and she agreed. I brought along some of my friends, told them that I was going to break up with A, and that I may need help just in case if something were to happen. They all agreed and said that they'll be sitting somewhere far but close enough to spring into action.

When A finally got to the food court, we ordered food and talked for a bit like everything was normal. After ten minutes or so, I told her that I can't be with her anywhere. Here's what I said: "Right now, I'm not in a place that can handle the behavior you showed to me. Nor do I think that I'll ever be in such a place. I believe, in both of our best interest, that we should find those who will love and treat us the way we want to be loved and treated. I'm afraid that I can not give you that. I love you, but I can't continue on like this. I can no longer handle the way you treat me. I will always deeply care about you, but I think it's time we take a break. If things were to change, I might feel okay to return. Otherwise, I think it's time we should end our relationship."
(I know that I am not the most...poetic person, but I tried to make this sound as sincere as possible).

A abruptly stood up and started yelling at me. She then picked up her tray and hit me on the head and arms with it. That's when my friends and a few other people ran over to our table and stopped her. A then threw the tray at my face and started to hit and kick me. That's when my friends had to actually pried her off of me and hold her back. A was thrashing and cursing at them but mostly at me. I don't know if I should feel the way I should, but I felt horrible. I almost wanted to apologized to her and just pretend that it was all a big joke or something...

After about a minute, A finally calmed down. She looked at me in the eyes, spat in my face, and just walked away without saying a word.

I haven't been able to contact her for the remainder of yesterday (to be honest, I don't know if I should even contact her. However, I still want to make sure that she is alright). I went over to her house and saw that the lights were on and her mother's car was in the driveway. I rang the doorbell and knocked on the door, and her mother came out. A's mother was actually polite towards me, but she told me that A wasn't feeling well and that I should come visit another day. I know that A must have already told her mother about the break up, and she might have some negative opinions of me now. So I told her that I will come by tomorrow afternoon (which is today. I will be leaving soon) and check on her. A's mother just nodded her head and closed the door.

If anything does happen, I will be sure to tell you. But I think that everything might have finally been settled.

Thank you again.

>>22 You're not doing her or yourself any favors by visiting.

Hope it all goes well, but now I'm starting to think that YOU need counseling. You need to change your number and your email and block her from all social media.

>>23 To answer your question, I did block her number. A doesn't have a lot of social media accounts, just Facebook, and I don't have a Facebook. I have also blocked her email. I did visit her, but I did not went inside her house. Her mother was there to answer the door, and I just asked her if A was alright. Her mother said that she's fine. After that, I just left.

That will be the last time I come over her house, to be honest. Like I said in the previously, I know that I can't just stop seeing her. We go to the same school, so I will have to see her from time to time during passing periods. I will be as civil as possible to A, but I will not make any contact with her.

>>24 Change. YOUR. Number.

I'm kind of speaking from experience here.

Just do it.

Don't even be civil to her.
1) She doesn't deserve it
And 2) More importantly, she is good at being manipulative. Ignore her existence for your sake. Pass her in the hall without making contact. Pretend that you never knew her at all.

Let me explain how grave this is and why I'm so blunt.

My Aunt was in your situation before.



She was found dead in her home; was murdered with two shots to the head.

Left behind two kids all because she didn't cut off complete contact with a man whose outbursts and personality sounds EXACTLY like this person you're describing.

Leo, here's the thing. If you want something that doesn't go as far as a going to court. Have some evidence, like a recording or a witness and go tell her parents or guardians without her knowing. They'll really know how to proceed with her. Best of luck and I hope you can get through this safe and sound.

>>26 I'm sorry about your aunt. I didn't know it could actually be that bad...I am going to take your advice. I already got a restraint order on A. Is there anything else that I need to know?

>>27 I do have some evidence of her abusing me. A good friend of mine recorded a video of A abusing me (with my consent. I asked him to do it for me) in public, and I have a recording of one of her outbursts.

That's great. I think you don't have nothing to worry about now, so just keep living. But even so, be careful. We never know what passes through others heads, so...

>>28 I'm late on this, but visiting was a stupid idea, if A notices it, she might get the wrong idea, sparking hope for a comeback. You should try to avoid her to the best of your ability, that's natural for exes and only rational in your position.
I worried that you might have some issues since you care too deeply for her, but you seem to be over it.
>>26 That escalated quickly. But take it to heart Leo, something might happen, but you seem to have met some precautions already. I might sound optimistic, but I think you'll be fine. Any news as for how the two of you interact now?

Just dump her, if being with her is this bad, then just end it. It's pretty fuckin' simple.

>>31 I said I'm late, but at least I was up to date!

g8 b8 m8 i r8 8/8. Nah that b8 was more of 3.