Okay...so I'm in a difficult situation and I don't know what to do. A few years ago, I was friends with a boy. I'll just call him M for this. So M and I were really good friends, but...then he asked me to be his girlfriend. All I wanted was to be his friend, and I said no. He didn't know how to handle that rejection, and I think he told people he was asking me, so M went around and told everyone he knew that I was his girlfriend. He became very controlling over me, never wanting to see me with another friend, and trying to control whatever I did. I didn't know whether he was my friend or not...I wanted him to be, because I knew he was a nice person, but then he did all of that. A few months later I told him I couldn't be his friend anymore. He then started to talk about me behind me back. He would take my belongings and throw them, and tell me that everyone thought I was in love with him. He would point at me and laugh and talk about me with other people. I hated him. I really hated him, for years he was the person I disliked the most. I thought that I could never forgive him. And then, almost five years later, something changed. Something happened to me, and I started thinking about forgiveness. I realized that deep down, M was a good person. He was a great friend to me, and at one point the sweetest person I knew. I knew he had done terrible things to me. He had spread a rumor, talked about me, and made me feel terrible. But he wouldn't have done that if he knew how to handle rejection. And I decided that I could forgive him. I decided that I do forgive him. I did not want to live through my life hating him. But here's my problem:
I want to talk to him, and tell him that I forgive him. I want him to admit to me what he did wrong, and say sorry. I want to make things right between us. I have an opportunity to do this, since I should see him at least once at my town's swimming pool. But I'm a shy person, and I don't know how to go about doing this. I haven't talked to him in a long time, and last time I saw him he ran away. But I really want to make things right between us. How should I approach him?
And...I want to believe that he will once again be the kind boy I knew. And I know he can be that person. But even though I forgive him, can I trust him? If he wants to be friends again...do I give him a second chance?
And lastly there's my friends and family. Everyone thinks I hate him. My mom once said to me that I shouldn't hate him, but she also never really accepted what he did to me. But when she finds out I forgive him...what will she say? Will she understand? I don't know. It sounds to me like she wanted me to forgive him, so maybe she will understand that I forgive him now...but I'm not sure. And I know they will playfully tease me about it, and I don't want that. And then there's my friends. I know that I will be hearing from them if they find out, especially if M and I become friends again. They might laugh, or question me, and call me crazy, or insist that we should date. I mean, they are really great friends...but I'm just scared of their reaction if I become friends again with I boy I once could not stand.
So I really don't know what to do. Should I talk to M, and how should I approach him? If he asks to be friends, can I trust him? How do I handle whatever my family and friends' reactions are?
If anyone could please give me advice on what to do, I would really appreciate that!

Look, I'm kind of would forgive him but wouldn't want to be friends whit him anymore, but that's you not me.

First: friend and family: with your friends you need to just stand up and say you don't like that joke or what ever, your mom would be proud but if she doesn't want to see you whit him again say that You want to see him and that you already forgave him and he said sorry (if he says it)

Second: The approach: The next time you see him, just call him and ask what he has been up too, but don't bring up what he did to you, if he is sorry he will say it, but if he is not.... then forget him i guess

Hey there. Big problem that you got there...
first of all, are you sure that he is a good person? Boys often act kind and nice just to impress a girl. When you are sure he is a good person, proceed.
should you forgive him? I dunno. But if you want, then go for it.
yeah, some boys don't do well with rejection. As an exemple, i stopped to talk to my best friend because she rejected me. She was an amazing person, but i screwed our relationship, just because i couldn't cope with her rejection
ok, but back to you. You decided to forgive him. Ok. How to do it? If you are shy, send him a letter.of some sort. On his locket, on his email, anywhere. Tell him what you want on that letter. Or if you want, ask, on the letter, to talk to him. It will be way easier.
a side note: if he still want to be your boyfriend, he will ask again, eventually. If you don't want to this happening again, you need to get clear: "i dont want to be your girlfriend, just your friend". Say this politely, but he need to understand it.
neeeext: can you trust him?
Well, you can't trust people in general, so it could get to a bad ending. Maybe he will go jerk-mode again. Maybe he.just don't care for you anymore. But hey, maybe everything go fine. But i can say, if you don't do something, nothing will change. Take your chances. Trust him a little. As i said, trusting people is never a good nor safe idea, but doing it anyway can get you wonderful things.
how to handle family reaction? I dont thing you should be scared of it. At first it can come badly, but all in all, it wont be that much bad.
Your friends is different. Probably they will say about it. If they say that you are crazy, act like tough. Say that it will not happen again or something. They will talk about it anyway, but what you really don't want them to think is that you are "running after him like a little girl" DON'T LET THEM THINK IT.
Oook, i think this is it. I put a WHOLE hour writing this, so please, put it to a good use.yeah, whole hour. Looking now, maybe i could have done better... anyway
And pleeease, tell us how it went. You know, i really want to know how this will end.
oh, and sorry for bad english.
One last thing. 5 years is a lot of time. Maybe he is more, i dunno, mature now. Or Maybe he forgot you. But this is too much time to keep hard fellings.
good luck, HFA

Thank you both so much for your advice, this really helped me!

>>3 - I will write how everything goes as soon as I can.

(First of all my name that I use all the time happened to be M, I'm not making fun of the story or anything)
I'm a very forgiving person but I wasn't always a calm and forgiving person. I had to go through hardships just like you are right now to be a better person. A long time ago a person did some terrible things that I will never forget, but I've learned to forgive him even after what he did. I still get angry when I think about it but I'm not gonna hold a grudge. So you should forgive M because it makes you a better person than him.
Now about your friends and family, who cares what they think. It's your life, your choices. Whether you forgive M or not is your choice. But we're here to give you advise, and I say to forgive him. Forgive but never forget.

I wouldn't forgive him and be friends with him.
I would make fun of him like he did to you and do all the things he did too. Make him suffer more ^-^

>>5 Thank you so much for your advice. :)

>>6 I do want to forgive him, and I will. I also very much believe that being mean to someone is never the answer to anything. Your idea is not the way I want to approach my situation, but thank you for sharing your opinion, I guess. :)