I've had this issue for something like my entire life. I try to keep it from others, but sometimes it comes out on them and they wouldn't be able to get it (and I get that). I once took my anger out someone (my once close friend) so bad that they became depressed and now they are in a mental institution. I don't even think what they did to make me do that was even that bad, really. Ever since I moved to my new town, with so called 'better' (fucking stressful) education, it's been coming out more and more. I've began to loose my patience with friends, sometimes snapping on them and wanting to leave them. Even the smallest things, like if I drop a needle while sowing, I growl and start slashing at my legs. It's an uncontrollable anger that only keeps seeping out. I dislike social situations and even just being out of the house for long periods of time, I get panic attacks sometimes if one thing happens that gets on my nerves. This, adding to my unique personality, appearance, and superb intelligence makes me feel totally different from others. Believe me, I'd rather NOT be anyone else, but this isn't going to work out for me if I don't want to lash out on anyone anymore and seem like a total lunatic. So, any advice from my fellow dollars, 'le~?

I had a friend with a similar problem once. She always seemed to be wound so tight and stressed out that she was constantly on the verge of cracking, which she did frequently. She never got as physically violent as you, but she's gotten hysterical and verbally attacked people from frustrations smaller than dropping a needle before. I think stress really is the killer here. Some people can take stress and use it as pressure to do great things, while some people get suffocated by constant stress. You seem to be more of the latter.

Learning to manage that stress is honestly the best thing you can do for yourself. Exercise, meditation, proper sleep/diet, basically taking really good care of yourself goes a long way. None of that makes you immune to bad things that happen though, so you've really gotta master the art of talking yourself out of it. Save the rage for something or someone who deserves it, which I doubt would ever be your friends unless they did something truly awful to you and you needed to stand up for yourself. And you most of all definitely don't deserve to get hurt or feel shitty because of how on edge you are, so don't release it on yourself either. Find healthy, gradual ways to reduce it and vent it rather than sitting at the tipping point and firing the excess off in quick, violent bursts.

Sorry I can't give you anything more tangible and practical than that, but I really do think you'll start becoming a happier and more mellow person if you can conquer your stress and anger. I'm not a big fan of pills, but if you do think you have a haze over your mind that makes everything seem awful and that you have no control over, totally consider talking to a doctor, especially since you mentioned panic attacks. There's no point trying to swim against the current if you don't have to, so if you think there's something holding you back from getting better, don't be afraid to pursue those avenues of help.

>>2 Honestly, anything helps right now. I appreciate any advice, and in fact, it seems like this would help me a crap ton. It doesn't matter if it's tangible or practical, and it HAS helped me see my problem a bit clearer now. So thank you sir/madam/respected acquaintance, and I wish you a good night (or whatever time it is where you are).

bump

>>3
I'm glad something I said was useful. You seem like you've got a clear head, just don't forget that the second you start seeing red. And if you ever need encouragement or another perspective, you know at least one place to look.

/an update: I have learned to manage my anger much better now. I don't think I've been any healthier, but slam poetry and prose really helps (oh god). Just rationalizing with the statement: "I don't want to end up in a facility" is good enough for me, despite how bad that may sound.