2 Name: Toastywafflz !qVs0Vq85og : 2015-05-25 12:45 ID:MCtl4CMQ [Del]
Reading this reminded me of the frailty and hypocrisy that dominates the dulled perspective of people entertaining society beyond reason, trying to incorporate it into their views more than necessary and conforming to any shred of reality perpetuated by the masses. People are incredibly complex, generally speaking: what you see on the surface does not often belie everything that lies underneath, in terms of character, in terms of mental inclination, and so on. People you think you know may turn out to harbor a nature counter to their initial appearance. Humans that appear to have it all may feel incredibly empty, and those who everyone looks down upon may be the subject of their envy for the genuine satisfaction they have with life. Human interaction, then, is paradoxical, strange, and is one of the hardest games you'll play in your entire life.
That being said, you can't change other people. And changing yourself, well, I never really thought people should have to change themselves to fit others; but changing naturally as a matter of growing and through experience is different, that'd be changing for yourself. Changing for yourself can go in a myriad of different directions and people don't always take away the same things from their experiences, and that's how it is, because people are different. I say this to warn you not to embrace the false notions that abound about you that go counter to you are, to accept that people are going to be idiots and not let it ruin you on a personal level,because ultimately they have literally no control over how you feel, or your self-perception. Only influence, and it's more up to you and your subconscious to determine how much impact that influence has. Constructive criticism of a person's character can help that person grow into themselves more, but I imagine what's happening here isn't constructive in the slightest. Malicious, rather; and that's why it'd be good to acknowledge and dismiss it, prove them consistently wrong by action, and hold on to your friends and yourself.
I've said before many times that we have control over everything internal. To an extent, that's true, but that's an oversimplification, because your mind is one of the most complex machinations on the planet and sometimes it will make you feel how you want to feel regardless of your efforts, and that's of course another thing to consider in trying to feel better. Shifting perspective is powerful, though, so taking some of what I said, should you see it applicable to yourself, and seeing the situation you're in in a more favorable manner for yourself would tend to shift everything else, like your feelings, into a happier place.
In any case, people put of facades and hang their prejudices and predispositions onto others so that they can do whatever they feel in order to fit in and feel justified. Don't give them the satisfaction, but most importantly, don't fail yourself. Rumors tend to die when they can't be substantiated, and sometimes the only thing keeping them around are the venomous tendencies of those who started them. A good way to shut down a rumor, in my opinion, (and I don't know your approach) is to, rather than approach the issue directly, define the rumor in your head as it most accurately applies to you and display how it isn't true indirectly through the way you interact with people; being yourself to somebody when they think you're somebody else is much more effective than telling them you're yourself when they already think yourself is something else. It's a lot like writing that way: show, don't tell.
Significant others that won't stand by you and petty friends that turn their back on you...I'm not sure I could call them good friends or partners to begin with. It's one of those things that can eat you up inside; how did I not see it? Am I like that, perhaps, to them, did I do something? Were they ever genuinely affectionate to me in any way? Those kinds of questions might bounce around in your head. But asking things like that is pointless, as long as you're comfortable with your self-awareness and such, because you'll know at heart what the answers are and raising doubt would be pointless. I'm rambling a bit, but I hope the rambling is to your benefit.
Addressing your significant other; your decision to end it with them is perhaps justifiable in the grand scope of your relationship, but in the pseudo-omniscience possessed by those who know nothing of you and him other than, perhaps, the speculation generated of you, they might see it as something to corroborate what they heard. I'm not saying that you should have stayed with her or anything silly like that, but just being aware of the ramifications of the things you do in light of the stupid lies perpetrated about you can help you gauge how to go about things.
It's a little late in my rant to be succinct, but basically, you are who you are; molding yourself to fabrications is obviously an awful thing to do, and, while it may be harder to invalidate the rumors in totality, you can at least know that they're invalid within yourself and those who know that can provide you with support. So...just keep in mind how twisted people's perspectives are and don't get twisted up yourself. People grow out of these things and you won't have to deal with it forever. Good luck. I know you weren't necessarily asking for advice but I felt like sharing my thoughts and having a dialogue anyways.
