I feel like crying. Scratch that, I am crying right now.

So my parents just banned me from seeing my best friend just on the verdict that she is gay. They specifically told me that I can be social and civil towards her, but I am no longer allowed to hang out or be her friend.

WTF.

I can't...I just...Oh my god.

It just happened today when I told my mom about my friend (who I shall call A) A, who is finishing sewing my dress for formal and will be coming over tomorrow to give it to me (I bought a simple black dress and let A go crazy decorating it cause I can't). My mom, out of the blue, asked me if she was gay. I was a bit shock at how bluntly she said that, but I answered that A is a lesbian.

That's when it all went downhill.

My mom went absolutely bonkers about it. She kept saying, "I knew it! I knew it! I knew that girl was a lesbian from the moment i saw her. How unnatural!" Then she looked me dead in the eye and told me this: "You can no longer be her friend."
I was in total shock. I asked her for the reason, and she just told me that if I became her friend, I can never have a boyfriend.
Let me explain.

My mother, like all stereotypical Vietnamese people that moved to America later in their lives, works at a nail salon. One of her customers used to be friends with a lesbian. When that woman got a boyfriend, her friend tried to kill him out of jealousy. Then my mother told me that that is going to happen to me if I keep being friends with A. She says that A is clearly in love with me, or why else would she be so willing to spend her time on sewing my dress? This was what she said: "One day you will understand that that girl loves you. There's no way for a 'friend' to spend so much time on your dress unless they are in love with you. Trust me, don't be around that girl. You'll never get a boyfriend because of her (funny, since i can't get a boyfriend around my parents) and she'll one day go insane. I can just tell it. I have a keen eye for these things, you know. You're too young, so you can never understand it. But I know that I am right about this. Besides, being gay is so...so unnatural! God [and Buddha] will never accept that girl. A man is meant to be with a woman. A man can never be with another man, nor a woman can never be with another woman. That's just unnatural! Stay away from that girl. She's no good. I don't want you to be around any of those gay people. There's clearly something wrong with them."

I try to explain to her (and my father) that A and I ARE JUST FRIENDS, but they will hear none of it. They just keep on telling that I am too young and immature to understand just how the world works. They say that being around A will ruin my life.

Let me tell you something about A.

A is my best friend. I have known her since our elementary school days. I trust her with my own life. She's like the sister that I've always wanted. I tell her things that I will never tell my parents because they won't understand, and she tells me things that her parents or other people won't understand. When she came out as gay, I was happy for her. I only want her to be happy. She is an amazing and understanding person. She may not know this, but I really do look up to her.

Do I love A? Of course. Do I love her romantically? No. And neither does she. A even told me that she will never love me romantically (cause we have such a beautiful love-hate relationship and romance just can't be there).

What do I do? I know for a fact that what my parents say will never affect how I see and feel about A. I will always be her friend. But do I tell her this? Should I? God, I'm just scared and confused and angry and...ugh.

Please. Please help. Please give me some advice on this. I don't know what to do. Please.

Let me preface what I'm about to say with the fact that your parents, despite their skewed views and apparent bigotry towards homosexuals, mean the best for you and are just trying to raise you appropriately according to the cultural customs and values they were raised on.

That being said...

You probably know this but that's all bullshit. Pardon my language, but honestly, that perspective on homosexuals, relegating them to a lower status than other human beings, is absolutely absurd and unfounded, and I daresay your tolerance elevates your perspective to a level they won't reach in the stubborn way they carry on about lesbians, gays, etc. The story she told you about jealousy? The woman in question being a lesbian has no bearing on her mental acuity and social ability. A yandere is a yandere. There's no difference between a heterosexual and homosexual yandere aside from sexual preference, the issue is apart from sexuality and if the woman in question was straight and she got jealous of a male she'd probably do the same thing if all other aspects of her character and circumstances were the same. There are too many variables at play in a human's life to ascribe anything to one character trait.

You say that A doesn't love you, right? So that's probably how it is, and that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that, and I know you probably know that, but I'll affirm that anyways. I have friends that are homosexual, heterosexual, pansexual, bisexual; it doesn't really matter to me because the quality of their character is altogether apart from that. In this respect your mother is also incorrect, as well as your father, for that matter, about what's "natural and correct" and about how you're too young to understand. You grow up in a different world from them. You're enlightened to the world in a way they couldn't be under the shackles of their beliefs. Now, don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with a belief system and there's nothing wrong with embracing cultural values, but cultures as a whole can evolve as people learn to be more tolerant of things that shouldn't need to suffer intolerance to begin with because they have little to no bearing on others. Who's to say what's right and wrong? We're human; we vary and err from the norm so much that there is no universal norm, and it's both a source of constant conflict and constant creation. People are different because of who they are and their views, not what they look like or who they're sexually attracted to.

In any case, your parents mean good to you but the way I see it they're just wrong. Don't give up on A, and don't give up on your parents either. Being staunch traditionalists from what I hear, they are unlikely to exhibit a radical shift of perspective any time soon, but your life is your life, and eventually there won't be anything they can do about it anyways. I would talk to A about what happened, so that she knows, because there's no reason to hide it obviously, but you should also tell her how YOU feel about it and how much you value your friendship. You sound like good friends that trust each other and as such that's the healthy thing to do. Your friendship shouldn't be crippled by the false misconceptions of others, nor should it be cast aside so casually by detractors of said relationship. Believe in yourself, and believe in your friend. You guys are a team, you guys are there for each other; get through it that way and eventually you'll gain ground in the situation, and you'll be able to make things better. Your parents might not be willing to listen to you but they won't be able to deny the reality of who you are and what you mean to yourself, to them, to your friend. Take control of the way you see the situation; elevate yourself above your obstacles mentally, convince yourself you can take that pressure in stride and that'll put you on the path to pushing that pressure aside. I am sorry I can't give more specific advice on that, as I don't have direct experience in weighing parental values against friendships, so it's up to you as of now to endeavor to find the best way to go about preserving your friendship without alienating your parents, which I believe to be the best option.

Also, as a side note, would it be possible to have A talk to either of your parents? I mean, being your friend, they probably know her already, but maybe now that they're aware of her sexuality she can attempt to describe her experience as a human being no different from them and perhaps mellow their harsh condemnation of her "kind" and realize that maybe their old ways have expired in the face of an evolving understanding of the human condition that has permeated humanity.

I hope that helps a bit. Just do what you can and never forget the importance of friendships, nor the intent and importance of the family. Keeping their desire to help you in life in mind eases the pain of their contradictory views a bit, I think, and friendship is certainly undervalued by many, but not you, and that's a good thing. She has a good friend and it'd be a shame to lose her ;) Good luck. Have a nice night~

>>1 To be honest, you /really/ shouldn't have said that she was.

And this isn't a "hindsight" thing- no!

I'm just saying, in fear of accidentally putting someone or running into this awkward situation, just always say "n" and then ask "why, does it matter?". And THEN depending on their answer can you choose whether to tell the truth or not.

>>3 outing*

>>2 Thank you so much for your advice. I have talked to my parents about the situations, and though they do not fully agree on A being homosexual, they still do think that she is a nice enough girl. My mother changed her mind and said that I can be friends with A, so long as her "influences" don't get to me (I believe that the whole thing started with my mother's fear of me becoming gay. She's fine with A, but if I turned gay then the world is ending for her). My father is more cool headed about the situation and really couldn't care less so long as I am straight and will one day give him some grandkids. They still don't fully accept homosexuality, but they can tolerate it. I plan to tell A the next time I see her about my parents.

>>3 I understand where you're coming from. I did ask her why before answering, but my mother is very straightfoward person; in other words, she said "Just give me an answer". I learned from years of experiences that asking 'why' to a question will only confirm her suspicions. She won't answer to a 'why does it matter'. Also, A is really open with her homosexuality. At the beginning of school we did a "All About Me" poster and on her poster in bright rainbow colors were 'Gay as a Freaking Rainbow". She said that if my parents found out about he sexual orientation, then that's fine. However, I just didn't know that the outcome would be like that. My parents never really showed negativity towards the LGBT community, so I just assumed that they were fine with it. A mistake on my part, I admit.

>>5 That's why I said automatically say NO, THEN ask why. It wouldn't be suspicious at all.