I have a problem. Well, more accurately, my roommate has a problem. She recently got back together with her abusive ex girlfriend. This on again/off again relationship has been going on nearly two years now and whenever her ex comes back and demands they pick up where they left off, my roommate immediately jumps back in. I love my roommate, she's one of my closest friends, but she's terrible with relationships. Her ex is both verbally and emotionally abusive, often telling roommate that she's worthless and a terrible person then making roommate out to be the bad guy. At one point she even hit roommate but she didn't leave any marks so there was nothing I could do about it. Roommate insists that she's not abusive and that she's happy with her, but I've walked in on her crying too many times to believe her.

The ex has severe anxiety which she hides behind whenever anyone tries to point out that her behavior is wrong. She's unstable enough that campus counseling managed to convince her to check herself into a mental hospital, although she checked herself out a few days later when she was supposed to be in for two weeks. Roommate has her a personality disorder that makes her an easy target for abuse and her ex uses that to her advantage. Several of our friends and roommate's mom have all told her that her ex is abusive and tried to convince her to leave her. I've flat out told her many times that specific behaviors that she's told me about are abusive and that she should run. But then ex show up, tells her she got her a necklace to promise they'll be together when roommate gets back from her study abroad, and roommate runs back to her arms.

So, Dollars, any ideas on how to help someone get out of an abusive relationship? I haven't gotten her to admit that's what's going on and she insists she's happy, but her actions say otherwise. I just really want her to be safe.

confront her? I mean im not good at relationships but ive never been one for abuse, as far as the severe anxiety, play that card too your advantage, however try too keep your roommate safe, if all else fails you can call the police and have them investigate the ex because of suspission of harrasment, and abuse

I agree with "Eclipse" you should confront her. In every relation the most important thing is the respect that you have for the other and also for yourself

Every time you see that your roommate is abused, write it down in a notebook. Describe what happened to your roommate, what words were said to her. Keep dates and times recorded. Go into detail. Try to gather as much evidence as possible so that if this is ever brought to the police, you'll have something to fall back on.
Someone I know's husband was arrested for beating her up, but he only got sentenced to 2 years. But her coworker documented every bruise that she saw, over the span of 6 months, and the abuser ended up getting 27 years in prison. They had to charge him with assault for each and every bruise documented by her coworker.

If/when you confront your roommate about the abusive relationship... try not to focus on what a bad person her girlfriend is. The top reason why women stay with an abusive partner is because they still love them. So dismissing that love won't help. Instead, try to build her up instead. "You deserve better than this." "No relationship is perfect, and I know you love her. But I've noticed she doesn't always treat you well, and I'm concerned about you." DON'T say things like "Can't you see she's brainwashed you?" or "She's horrible, how can you stay with her?"

Explain to her what emotional abuse is, if she doesn't know exactly. It's basically when someone does something to hurt you, and when you express that you're upset or angry, they turn it around to be something that you did to hurt them. They'll try to force you to apologize/repent for what you did and for feeling the way you feel. And like always, your emotions and state of being are rendered invalid and unimportant and are silenced, thus harshly damaging the ability to trust others with your feelings because they have been used against you so many times. That's emotional abuse in a nutshell, though there are lots more signs.
((You should probably seek information from someone who legit knows what they're talking about though.))

When you tell her these things, remember to be gentle. She's probably already feeling anger/hurt towards her girlfriend, and it would suck if she felt it towards you too.

If you think she needs help escaping from an abusive relationship, you can research and try to find some help centers, hotlines, etc. in your area. Family Justice Centers are around in some areas for counseling, legal, and other forms of help.

If you think her life is in immediate danger, then call the police. If she doesn't want you to, then you can say "What she's doing is illegal. This isn't my rule, it's the law."

I got this information from mental-health-advice.tumblr.com

^I don't know if this will actually be of help, but I hope it will be.

Wish you and your roommate the best. xx