I see people on tumblr all the time talking about how races are a community, and they support each other and help each other... but as a mixed-race POC I don’t feel like I truly have that.

I’m half nigerian and half filipino– I’m a black asian. I went to a predominantly white school for most of my childhood, and as a result of this I don’t really feel like I'm welcome in either group?

When my nigerian dad’s side of the family visits and all the kids gather in one room, or when I just meet some black people really anywhere, I’ll be talking to them, and every time, somebody asks “do you hang out with white people?” or “you live in a white neighborhood don’t you?” and I just awkwardly answer yes. Then I get the “mm-hm, I knew it” and they all nod their heads at each other. Even though it’s true, it feels weird to talk to them after that. They start to treat me a little differently, and it makes me feel like I’m separate from them.

I think I get along kinda okay with all the east-asian people in my school (it’s a private school w/ small grades– so there are no other pacific-asians here, there’s mostly chinese and japanese people), but because of my skin color they didn’t know that I’m pacific-asian. They prob thought I was being racist for a little while. And even now that they do know I’m part filipino, I don’t feel like I can fit in with them, because I’m still black. (not to mention that I’m not east-asian like them)

I haven't had really very much positive contact filipino people. Idk, the ones that I have met all speak tagalog (I don't) and our senses of humor are miles apart. It's a bit suffocating. Also when I went to the philippines for the first time, people kept talking about my skin color. Even though I'm filipino, I was treated like a different species or something...

As you can see I kind of have a negative stigma surrounding both my parent's cultures. I definitely feel the farthest away from the asian community. I feel a little bit closer to the black community, but again, there’s always the one person who just needs to point out that I went to a white school. And it feels like they’re alienating me with it. It’s just really weird because I don’t feel like I fit into the white community either. Because I'm not /really/ white, I'm apparently some weird hybrid of white-black-asian and I hate it.

it’s like I have a toe dipped into each of these communities, but I still am being rejected by them all. This is starting to feel like some sort of identity crisis...

Are there any mixed-race people of color in the dollars? Have you gone through something like this? Even non-mixed POC, or caucasian people– if any of you guys have had a similar experience then can you please share?

To any black dollars, or east-asian or pacific-asian dollars, do you think that I should be able to belong in your communities? Was I just unlucky in meeting un-accepting people, or do I really not fit in anywhere...

long time since i last posted here on the personal board.well what can i say,i am a normal white kid,well not so normal if you look into my past.i go to a school where there is lot of races and to be truthfully ,it seems like each race just hates each other.for example they always call asian people,noodles,sushi, and etc.black people and white poeple don't know the difference about saying black and saying *nigger*.indian people are always joked people say you dad is working on the general store etc.and you must think this happens
one or two times per month.no this happens every single day and if you are saying , the people who they say this words are just bullying victims,then you are wrong,them themselves are too always saying racist things.this is what i have to say,i don't know a single black asian person in my life,so i think black asian people are rare,so they probably get confused and some people are still racist so there ins't too much we can do.well ,mixedOP,you have the right to belong anywhere,those people are just dumbasses.

Yeah, I know about discrimination. There are lots of problematic white people at my school, so the POC kind of band together into their own groups, within social circles. It's smaller where I am, but it's all the same.

I think you're right that I have the right to belong, but who knows if they'll ever actually accommodate me... Thanks for replying though, you reassured me that at least I'm being heard. Thanks

I know how you feel and I'm always getting asked where I feel like I belong. I'm not as loyal as sticking with one group and trying to find a place to belong though

I myself am the only dark skinned hijab wearing muslim in a pure white catholic school. Everyone is nice and accepting but of course you do have a right to feel a bit out of place. It's normal to get asked though, people are curious creatures.

But not everything is fine and dandy I agree with you. Parents and old students from the school (in their 70s now) give me this puzzled and disappointed look which.....is sometimes funny. I also stick out so much from the crowd, that the school photo which had about 1000 students in it, everyone spotted me instantly! (black sheep in a white flock aye?). I may be in an accepting community right now but I've had my fair share with the unaccepting ones too.

The thing is MixedOP, is that you're looking at it racially. Find someone who has the same interests as you. I managed to find an otaku at my school!

>>4 I do have friends with similar interests as me, but my problem is different from that? I don't know if I can explain it right... It's more than just finding friends and social circles to me, it's bigger than that, it's like... having people in a situation similar to yours is reassurance. It's just knowing that people understand and share your struggle. Like, I wouldn't want to vent to my white friend about how an employee followed me around the convenience store even though I wasn't stealing. And I wouldn't want to vent to my black friend about how somebody thought I ate cats. You know what I mean?

Being such a weird mix makes me feel like I'm separate from nigerian culture and from filipino culture. I feel like my blood apparently isn't valid. I feel my relatives looking at me differently, because I'm not full nigerian or full filipino. I feel like my parents are trying to get me to integrate, but I can't, because my dad wants a nigerian child and my mom wants a filipino one, and I can't be 100% of either because the cultures are so completely different. I don't even know if this is making any sense...

I'm really sorry I'm being so difficult here, I feel like a brat. But definitely thank you for trying to help. It means a lot ^^;

Oh boy, OP. How am I going to answer this one?

Well, first off, I guess I should say that I kind of know what that feels like. Being a bit of a mix myself(Chinese and White Australian), there have been a lot of times where I wanted my racial identity to be recognised and accepted.

I get where you're coming from. It feels like you're both of those things and neither of those things at the same time. You're caught in the middle of two totally different cultures and races and it's a struggle at times to even know what you even are.

Do you deserve to belong? Yes, a million times yes. But unfortunately, there are people out there who are going to tell you what you are for you, and are going to judge your identity on the basis of your outward appearance. And, that's something that's not likely to stop as you get older, I'm sorry to say.

Good thing is is that there should be many online communities out there for people like you, and you'll always be able to connect there. I can't name any, but they definitely exist. Just make sure you keep yourself safe around any of those communities, as you would usually do.

Racial identity aside, there's a huge chance that some people will never accept you, as much as there is a chance that some people will accept you. I don't think that depends on a racial community alone, it's more an individual thing.

Besides, anyone who doesn't accept you as who you are does not deserve any of your time.

You seem to have a strong sense of yourself. Good. No matter what happens, you need to accept yourself first. When things may seem confusing for you, keeping that in mind should have you grounded. You don't fit in? That's fine. You can stand out. You can stay true to yourself, and you can get far that way.

You don't need to fit anywhere OP. Just do what you think is right. One should not be judged by the color of their skin, the neighborhood they live in, but by their actions. Try to be friends with who you like, I mean these groups you mention, they are made from individuals too. Or if it's really that bad, try to join international communities. They are always more open to different people.

Race is a social creation. It's nothing science can prove in the slightest.
For example, why are some black and some white?
The answer: The amount of pigment in their skin, which honestly has little to do with anything physically other than how someone looks.

If a group of people doesn't accept you into their group because of what your nationality is or something like that, then they're being rascist. Now, if they don't want you in their little cliques because they think you're annoying or some bullsh!t like that, then tell them that's a personal problem and that they can go screw themselves :P

Everybody who's responded to you so far has a pretty good point, >>1, and it's good to get all of the varying perspectives that you do. I'll go ahead and throw in my two cents as well.

I'm mixed ethnicity; to be succinct, I'm half latino and half Western European; to be even more blunt, part brown and part white XD. Now, I love my mixed heritage because I can trace my origin to a bunch of places, you know? From Panama to Germany to, perhaps, Africa even; I honestly don't see anything wrong with that. I don't see anything wrong with being genetically homogeneous either. That's because I think race conflict is absolutely inane and stupid and, though it really doesn't need to be said, judging somebody off their superficial appearance is a pet peeve of mine and I think it's incredibly stupid. I understand your plight; you feel torn apart and half-baked because of your heterogeneous ethnicity. I see where you'd feel uncomfortable and it's annoying to have people judge you that way.

But it doesn't really matter, to me anyways? Why?

Ignorant people have permeated humanity for, well...forever. There will always be stupid people to give you grief for nothing; racist people are no exception. The very concept of racism is hypocritical, unfounded and stupid but it still exists because there are hypocritical baseless idiots in the world anyways. Sometimes they're just raised that way, and in that sense it might not be COMPLETELY their fault, but it's still a character fault one ought to correct. What you look like and your blood can be completely tangential or even unrelated to who you are. Using your racial schema as a way to define your place in the world is incredibly limiting. I personally have never done that; I don't associate with black or white or asian or latino people, I associate with human and human and human and human people. That's how it should be. Next time you come to a place where you interact with large sects of your family, you know, try keeping that in mind and approach them as people with potential interests in something you want to talk about, and at that point if you still don't feel like you can connect, well, that happens since people are different. That being said, don't deny your culture either; just acknowledge where you come from and appreciate it, but leave it at that and live as you rather than trying to live vicariously through your heritage. This'll also help you comprehend where other people are coming from without offending them or being affronted by how they receive you, in that you'll be able to identify cultural influences without being bound to them. In this sense, you can liberate yourself from the shackles that bind you and actually elevate your ability to integrate amicably with others. Humanity transcends our skin, and people worth talking to know that.

Of course you deserve to belong. But what do you want to belong to? Basing your societal home group on ethnicity is common, and I respect the decision to do that, but diving into your own "faction" to the point where others are seen as outsiders or opposition is in my mind a good way to turn superficial differences between people into a quasi-ideological war over what is essentially nothing. I don't belong to one ethnicity or another; I belong to my myself, I fit in with my family and friends and my beliefs give me my place where I stand. It can be that simple, if you push yourself into thinking in such a way, and, while you can't change the bigotry and ignorance pre-existing in others, you can at least try to mitigate the spread of mindless hate and misunderstanding, and nullify any bearing it has on your enjoyment of life and the company of others whatsoever.

Hey there OP,
That sounds so rough... Don't beat yourself up about sounding difficult, it's completely fine to voice this problem if you're feeling this way.
I'm not mixed, but I'm full nigerian so I can imagine how relatives on that side can get, since I've got a couple of cousins that are mixed themselves.

So my first bit of advice for you: the nigerian culture is yours, and the filipino culture is yours - you're a part of both cultures: you don't have to choose which one to belong to, and your parents probably don't want you to either. I think they just want you to embrace both of your races rather than feel like you're not a part in any of them.

If any family member thinks it's weird that that you hang out with white people or anything, well tbh it's not really their business who you hang out with or what kind of neighbourhood you grew up in - you are free to hang out with whatever kind of people you want!

And as for them treating you a little differently, I honestly think that it's maybe because they suddenly start thinking that they can't associate with you that well, or maybe you don't want to associate with them since they probably aren't all that familiar with white people themselves (tbh I've noticed that some nigerians aren't the best when it comes to befriending people outside their race, so don't beat yourself up about this one - in this case the fault lies in them, not you! What I'd say is you remind them that you're still nigerian, be it through actions/words/interests/whatever~)

As for friends: I think what you need is to stop looking for people to 'fit-in' with, and start looking for people to 'be friends' with! With school, social circles and all that there is wayyyyy too much pressure on trying to find similar people to ourselves that we don't look out of place with, who keep us company, and are just there just so we're not alone all the time. Well I'd rather have 2 or 3 friends from whatever race on this planet that I can share all my secrets, worries and troubles with, rather than a bunch of black friends that seem similar to me. My closest friends are so different to me in terms of hobbies, interests and race as well, but in terms of personality and life struggles in general, we're so similar.

It's hard but I say don't think about race when you're trying to meet or befriend someone new - be friends with them for who they are, not where they're from, because you want them to be friends with you for this reason too, don't you?

For you, I'd say that if you can't find people near you that are going through a similar situation, that doesn't mean you can't find people who are willing to listen to you or understand your problem, even if they aren't going through the same thing themselves!


Well I feel like I've said too much and I'm sorry if my advice sounds way too out-there or just plain weird! Like I said before I'm not mixed, but I still wanna help you out anyway, from one human to another! :D

I just read through all the new replies– just wanted to say >>9 and >>10, thank you for showing me some different viewpoints of my situation, and for sharing your own situation. You've given me some really important insights that I didn't even realize I was ignoring, and it's just wow to me.

>>6, you understand! That's it, that's exactly it. It's like I'm both and neither at the same time. And I think you're right about how I need to accept myself. I thought about it a lot, and I think that's the answer. Or at least the first step.
Standing out like that seems scary to me. But who knows, maybe one day it won't anymore.

Thanks so much to everyone who helped me out here... I really feel like I'm on the way to getting through this problem of mine.

xx