I wonder…

Why is it I don’t want to get close to anyone?
It was just a one off thing, one game of chess, everyone there, everyone supporting me…
But after that, my feelings were like someone hit it with a glass bottle and everything shattered. What shattered?
No, I know quite well what that was, I hit a wall. A glass wall.
But it didn’t shatter, what did? What shattered and scattered across the place, was it me?
The wall didn’t break, I did.
Everyone’s on the other side of the glass wall, and they’re running. Are they running from me? To me?!
Na it can’t be, after all, this wall…can only be viewed from one side, mine.
They’re running towards a pit, and they’re happy. I want to say stop. STOP! Stop running there
Suzan, why is it this way…
I know I can get pass this barrier, I need to. I need to grab them, pull them away.
They’ll hate me for it I’m sure.
But it’s fun to watch people fall too. We both like it, we both make it happen.
Maybe we didn’t when we were young, maybe we thought, ‘what if this, happened to me?’
It already happened.
Now we can see it happen to everyone else.
But Sara, where did you come from?
Why are you pushing me pass the glass wall? What if I can’t come back?!
And who’s arm am I holding back, how did I do that?I did it?
Sara they’re still running to the pit! I can’t hold on!
I let go.


My whole life, I've lived with two people, Suzan & Sara. They always take care of me, they don't want me to get hurt. This was just a confession. Usually only one of them takes over me at a time. But this was a rare occasion, that they both came to me at the same time. I thought, maybe I could talk to them both at the same time, for maybe the last time. I know I can't see these two again, but thank you so much Suzan & Sara.

I wouldn't ever call you guys a disorder