So.
There's been a lot of deaths happening in my small island community. I left so I could distance myself from the drama and crud that went on there, but I still find myself drawn back to that stupid beautiful island.
My grandmother died. A former classmate and the five-year old he was watching over died with him. A former best friend died while training for military.
One of my current best friends asked me if I was thinking about suicide because I was talking about life after death. He knows all my secrets and how my thought patterns usually go.
I tend to live my life to its greatest extent, but lately, even getting out of bed is really hard. I can't say I love life, but I can't say I hate it either.
I...really needed to vent.
I'll be wearing yellow flowers to keep myself happy. Melia- my grandmother grew a lot of them.

I am very sorry to hear that these terrible things have happened, but good luck.

You've got amazing emotional and mental strength. I can't say I understand (having never experienced something like this before), but I hope things start getting better for you. You deserve it.
If you were considering suicide, please stop. From your post you seem like the kind of person that could save a life at some point. You've got to stick around to watch out for people.
Thank you for sharing this.

There´s a reason people die. When time has come, nothing can stop them to be taken to afterlife. Our path is based on our choises and the interactions we have with people around us. When they leave, be for death or any other reason, it makes a big impact in our souls, that´s true... By what you said, you´re not suicidal, but that´s the begining of Depression. You should look out for it to not get you... They all are dead, but they were, once, alive. Keep their memories alive. People say that they are alive in our memories, in our heart. It is true, as long as we never forget them. My condolences to your beloved ones that passed away. The only thing you can do best is to keep living for them. To smile and cherish every second of your life, that´s what it´s important to keep yourself well. It´s only a natural part of life, death isn´t the end, but a new begining.

It looks like such a hard situation... I agree with Orihara-san in that you may be entering depression, so, if thinking of your alive loved ones and caring for them give you strength, stick to it, just don't try carrying the weight all by yourself. Be honest with the people you trust and don't be ashamed to ask for their support! Also, the thing with the flowers is so cute!! Hope it helps