Okay you guys, I have a serious problem. My best friend is looking for advice from me and I'm struggling to help her.

So, she has this pen pal from Argentina that has the tightest grip on her I have ever seen. He seems to have a deep romantic and almost borderline lustful attachment to her. He's done everything from setting her picture as his background to constant compliments to mentioning wanting to draw her into a not-so-innocent comic. He teases her in a very condescending manner and is no where near worried about crossing any lines. And at the same time he also reveals his deepest insecurities and shows his most vulnerabilities to her, while gaining advice (because my friend is a mother duck and the penpal is mentally unstable).

However, my friend is also not a complete push over, as she has time and time again mentioned the lines he has crossed and told him that enough is enough. Right to his face. And he just ---brushes it off.--- No care.

Did I mention my friend is 16 and he's 19?

The problem is he will not quit it and my friend is not willing to leave him because he is holding himself for ransom. This is with not-so-subtle hints that if she were to leave he would relapse into his previous drug and alcohol addiction, and be driven deeper into his presently existing depression.

So she's terribly worried and just wants to help the guy, but he's being unbelievably disrespectful to her and making it so she can't exactly leave him.

What do I do? How do I help her? Any advice at all would be great.

You need to tell her that she is not responsible for his life. By holding himself hostage like that and implying threats to himself constantly, he's a toxic person to be avoided. If she truly has had enough, then she should cut him out of her life altogether.

Yeah, the guy she's dealing with seems like a forceful person pushing all that onto a girl 3 years younger. If she chooses him it shouldn't be out of guilt or something stupid but out of mutual feelings (which obviously it seems she doesnt) so maybe just get her to cut all ties.

how do you care about them just say to your friend "i don't care"

>>4 Sometimes your an ass, sometimes your great.

Anyway, i would say that she would have to cut him out, as if this guy was living in the same state as her, this guy would definitely be a dangerous stalker.
Best cut him off, now else you might get further into a problem that you cant just back out without getting hurt (mentally or physical)
And it doesn't matter whether she is a mother duck and cant leave him, you must present the facts to her, and constantly tell her that "this guy is dangerous, and we should get away".

The best advice you can give your friend is to leave the guy alone. As the guys already stated above, she's not responsible for the guy in no way, not to speak of, that guys like this are attention whores, whining online that they're going to do stupid shit to themselves. If I've learned something in my 26 years here, it's this: There are usually two types of people surrounding you in terms of relationships:
#1 The ones who will eventually hold you back, waste your time, keep you on a certain stage of your development.
It's the typical student - teacher relationship problem. When the student outgrows the teacher, the teacher can do 2 things:
- let the student go.
- lie to the student to keep him from developing further keeping the relationship afloat as long as he can, while holding the student back.
This can be applied to any kind of relationship. So if the "teacher" doesn't let you go, you got to cut him out. If the person doesn't contribute to your happiness, your development, if he is holding you back, you have to cut him out, leave him behind, even if he isn't able to accept it after you've explained, since even if he doesn't get it, even if it's "not his fault", that doesn't help your problem.
#2 The other type is whom with you can have mutual development. Each of you contribute to the other's development, happiness, value etc. Often in pick-up theory this is described as the ideal relationship, but this isn't only applicable for romantic relationships, it's universal in context of any relationship in my opinion.

Personally I've met tons of people like this one >>1 described. I've even lived with a person like that. Sometimes they don't even realize how much they leech off of another person. But what I've always found true was the above rule. Anyone who couldn't have a mutually contributive relationship with me has either slowly cut contact, parted ways with me, or vice versa. I think accepting this and being honest about it is better than trying to cling to something that will collapse inevitably.

>>2 >>3 >>5 >>6 Thanks so much for the advice, it'll be difficult to get her to let go- but obviously that's the only solution at this point. I've talked to her and she's convinced enough to at least just begin to slowly stop replying to the guy until she can finally just drop it once and for all. Once again, I really appreciate the help.