Um, what I'm about to say is gonna seem really not worth thinking about compared to everyone else's problems here but I really need advice.

So basically, approximately 2 years ago in school and some guy (I refer to him as Jack) dared me to cut him with a penknife, which I did took up. He provoked me and called me a coward and stuff so on impulse I did whatever he told me to (ie cutting him once). Then, another girl (I'll refer to her as Jane), who's only relationship to Jack is pure classmates, quarreled with me over a petty matter and to get back at me, she reported to the school teachers that I had "attacked" a classmate and cut him. The teachers then looked for Jack to clarify the matter and he stated that whatever Jane said was true. After that, I was called upon to be questioned by the teachers and stuff, and to make matters worse, Jane bribed a few people with money to write false reports to the teachers to say testify that I indeed attacked Jack. (I only found out about this when the incident was over and these students came to me to apologise saying that they actually were not at the scene of incident but write the testimonies because they were paid). During investigation, the teachers went to ask my friends from other classes what kind of person I was and asked them if I was mentally unstable and stuff. I am not clear what they told the teachers as I was not told who was approached by the teachers.

After that, word spread to the parents and they referred to me as "the crazy girl" and a lot of other names, and parents called in to ask the school to take immediate action as they "cannot allow their children to be exposed to a mentally unstable classmate", fearing that their children might be attacked. I understand that they love their children, but on the receiving end of these comments, I really felt very hurt. After that, to resolve the matter as soon as possible, the teachers sent me for counselling and told the teachers that I have been taken care of. I was banned from bringing anymore penknives to school. I thought it would end just like that, but no. My classmates did not want to even talk to me and every group work, I was left alone and the teachers did not bother. They called me "monster", "serial killer", "murderer" and a lot of other names.

A year later, everyone was streamed according to subject combinations and I went into a new class. I thought life could start over. However, it became worse. My new classmates made fun of me and called me mean names and openly showed their fear and dislike for me. I had no friends in class and the boys in class targeted me as their prank target and would constantly pull of mean actions such as removing my chair and replacing it with a broken one or one stained with cakes, laying my table with shoe marks, and even when I was sitting down during talks the guys made the penalty for their game to be kicking my back once from behind and then claiming that they accidentally knocked me.

I have tried my best to make friends with them. I did not show my anger or threaten anyone with any sharp materials, I offered to lend my stationery to people who needed them, and helped people whenever I could. However,this did not seemed to work.

It hurts every time that during friendship day, everyone's table would be littered with gifts and handmade cupcakes from their friends but I would receive absolutely nothing. I gave classmates birthday presents and remembered their birthdays but I actually saw people leaving their gifts behind or throwing them away because other people gave more expensive gifts.

I don't know what to do anymore. Everyday I try to put on a smile and be nice hoping that someone would finally realise I am not the "serial killer" everyone thought I was. Honestly, I'm over the incident. I have gotten over it but others haven't. I'm slowly beginning to think that I am in the wrong here. Should I just keep quiet and accept the fact that I am only paying for my mistake?

Also, I just wanna say, there are people out there would need help more than I do. My mistakes seems very meager as compared to people with problems with lives at stake, so I would urge the kind helpers here who want to give advice to attend to those people first.

I apologise for my long spam, and for those of you who bothered reading, thank you!

I'm glad that you've gotten over the incident. But you shouldn't give a FUCK about those assholes bulling and torturing you.

To me you seem to be a very compassionate person that deserves better companionship. They're not important. Forget about them because you don't have to be friends with them or be accepted by them. You have us. I accept you and I'm sure many others will too.

In middle school I loved too sing in the choir. Because I was a boy, I often was considered gay for loving such a thing.

One semester the counseling office made a mistake with placing students in their electives. A lot of boys who did not like choir were given that elective. I was the only one who liked being there.

This obviously became a problem later on in the semester when none of the boys wanted to sing. The student director shamed the boys as a group " saying that we were a waste of time and not worth being put up with".

I was hurt by this. I knew in my heart that I loved to sing. So I stood and expressed to the class that I was serious about singing. It was a horrible mistake. The other boys took note of this and I became someone for them to torment and fuck with every day.

I was always happy with making friends in choir. In fact it was one my favorite parts about being in a choir. I remembered the good times from fourth grade and I simply wanted them back. For months I tried to be their friend. I endured emotional abuse every single day.

It got to the point where I even did anything they would tell me to do. Every day I was told to sit down, face forward, not to talk, and not to sing. I did this for a very long time while being called a faggot and a retard. Still hoping that I would be accepted by them. I never was.

At the end of the semester we were about to have the Spring concert. Before going on stage, I over heard my bullies having a conversation about me. They knew I could hear them but they didn't acknowledge me. The ring leader of the group said " Liam is such a pussy". I immediately went fucking pist. I wanted to kill them. In fact a part of me still wants to.

Fortunately I am a showman. I have a creed. The show must go on no matter what. We were about to go on and I couldn't miss it for the world. So strangling them to death was out the question.

My advice for you is to not give a shit about them. Fuck them and their mother fucking asses. They're not worth it. Focus on the people that care about you. (one more time, I have to say it).

######FUCK THEM! THEY'RE NOT WORTH IT#########

They will never care about you. In the end you will just get hurt and might actually do something horrible. I know I almost did something horrible. But I was lucky enough to have something to serve as a blocker. My love for singing. Who knows, you might be pushed to edge too. Will you have something or someone to block you then?

I hope so. Good luck.

Love yourself.
Remember those that love you.
And remember the Dollars.

We love you.

Hey, it's a beautiful day! Smile =D

& this is just me but if i were this "jack" and provoked you to cut me and you did. I would be surprised at first then laugh it off, give you a fist bump and try to be close friends cause you went for it and i like that.

Don't let it bother you and be who you are and show everyone you're not this unstable person that they are identifying you as.

>>3 Fo sho.

Don't let such a thing bother you. All those parents and students calling you names clearly have no tact or thought to think about the situation properly, and I'm sure that everything will be alright ^_^ just carry on doing your best to be a good person, as you evidently already are :)

hey just smile but if i was jack i would never have dared you to do any of that bullshit so just smile so screw them you are a human being that can walk talk just like all of us so please just smile and be happy even if im a stranger somewhere around the world people still care for you so those parents and students called you names fuck them they can die just be happy!

After all that I'm amazing you didn't become a self-fulfilling prophecy and actually stab him. It's absolutely terrible when someone gets made a pariah, especially over some petty misunderstanding. Even if there are decent human beings there, it takes a special person to associate with a pariah because they'll become one too. I can't imagine how frustrated and isolated you've been and no one deserves that. I don't know if it's feasible for you to do, but the best thing you could possibly do for yourself is to get out of there and restart somewhere else. I don't know what crazy act of heroism or altruism it would take for them to respect you (or even just ignore you which would definitely be an improvement), but that kind of thing only really happens in fiction. Get yourself out of there; just about anywhere else could be better for you. If it were in my power, I'd definitely at least make sure you got some sort of present or something. Not out of pity or anything, but because you totally deserve a chance from someone. No matter what, you're not a bad or crazy person, so don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

feel better now yeah whatever this will end when you college

Thank you guys!!
>>2 That something or someone that will block me has not arrived yet, but in the meantime I think I will wait :)

>>3 >>4 Thank you for the advice. I will push on.

>>5 I am not yet a good person, but I will try my best to be one.

>>6 Thank you!

>>7 I'll try to take a step out there and change something.

Thank you guys, once again. It really makes me feel safe knowing that even if everyone has forsaken me I have the dollars to turn to. For you guys I will push on.