I know that I'm not a size small. I've seen myself in the mirror enough to know that.

I come from a traditional Vietnamese family and was raised with strict rules and beliefs (not that I agree with all of them though). My parents, especially my mother, is stern about health and weight. In her and my family's eyes, a size medium might as well be a large, and a size large might as well be an extra large. Sadly, I am no size S (small). They have gotten onto me about my weight, saying "a beautiful woman cannot be fat; she must be small and skinny and graceful. You must work on those unless you want to become fat and ugly and alone for the rest of your life." Usually I would wave off their comments, but that doesn't mean they hurt any less. I know that I am not the traditional standard of Vietnamese beauty; I have a round face, my feet are huge, and I am not small and dainty. In the words of my mother, I walk like a man and I look like an elephant. When I went back to Vietnam a couple of months ago, I was embarrassed of myself. Whenever we went shopping, none of the shops would have clothes in my size. I felt as though everyone was staring at me because I am fat. And I even looked at myself worse when we came back to America; I saw myself as the short and ugly duckling next to my friends of graceful swans (in other words, I saw myself as fat and ugly compared to my friends and peers).
So I thought that I would look prettier if I wasn't so fat, that maybe if I lost some pounds then everything would be okay.

I want to lose weight. I eat healthy, but I don't exercise enough. I've tried to do sports like basketball and volleyball, but I learned that I just plain suck at any sports that contains the word "ball". I've begun to really like dancing and wish to learn gymnastics, but then I realized the people I've known that have been dancing or doing gymnastics are: 1) been doing it since they were five or even younger, and I am now in high school. 2) look fit and athletic, and I am definitely not. 3) are so much better than I am. I want to be able to know a sport and enjoy it. I want to have something that will help me lost weight.

I'm sorry if I sound conceited. This has just been something that has been eating away at me for years.

So please help:
Is it possible for someone like me to do something like gymnastics or dance (Note: I am nearing 200 lbs. I am so ashamed of myself)? How can I stop looking at myself so negatively? Is there any other ways for me to lose weight?

Thank you for listening.

Hello there. I'm not sure if anything I say will help you since I'm not a female, but I do know what you're going through, and I can help you along with other fellow Dollars members. First of all, you're only ugly if you see yourself that way. And unfortunately, society today has set the standards on how females should look in daily life, even in anime, they have a standard for how females should look and it's very degrading if you ask me. Nothing more than face, tits, flat stomachs, curves, ass, and unrealistic personalities now. Just a trophy to be placed on the shelf. And I am guilty of looking for only this in a girl in the past.

If you want my opinion, I think a woman is not even partially defined by how they look. Appearance is only the tip of the iceberg. Character is what makes up the rest. I know it hurts to be called ugly. Every insult is a blow to self-esteem, and to be honest your parents are not doing their job right if they insult you rather than encourage you. But keep trying your best to ignore the negativity and turn that hurt into motivation, not depression.

I think it's great that you've taken an interest in dancing and gymnastics and I know how you feel when you feel like the odd one out. I've gone to gyms before where everyone just seems to do better than I do at everything: Weights, Cardio, you name it. And I can't really describe how that feels other than it being a blow to self-confidence. But what matters is that you keep trying. And it's fine if you don't exercise a lot, thirty minutes to an hour a day is all you really need to do. And don't go into an activity expecting instant results even if that's all that we want. If you aim too high, you're only going to fall even farther than where you were before you started. Baby steps. Don't start off trying to run a marathon. The same goes for dancing. Work your way up at your own pace. And if it helps, find a friend who will help encourage you to keep going or even do it with you.

As for the eating: It's great that you're eating healthy. But you also have to keep in mind how much you're eating per meal. I know people who eat unhealthy stuff, but they do so in small amounts and they turn out fine. The way I eat daily is breakfast (scrambled eggs, glass of milk, and a bowl of cereal), snack (small bag of nuts/trail mix), lunch (a turkey sandwich, any kind of fruit or vegetable, water. Since you're in high school you're probably given an assortment of food choices. Go for the sandwiches: grain, protein, calcium, and a small amount of lettuce all in one food!), snack(more nuts/trail mix), dinner(Broccoli Beef, water). I also don't eat after 6pm (18:00). It's very important that you don't eat before you go to bed. You probably already know this already but avoid this stuff: chips, soda, candy, fast food, alcohol, coffee. AVOID THEM! They are empty calories that just turn into fat, especially the soda, fast food, and alcohol.

But here's the deal breaker, none of what I say will matter if you don't have the motivation to even start it. This is true with everything. If you think of it, plan it, but don't act, then what's the point? If you try your best, you can do anything. If you try, but lose the motivation, find motivation (this is what the encouraging friend is for). But if you don't try, you can't get results.

I was originally 300+ pounds because all I did was sit around and play video games and eat junk food. Which brings me to another thing, try not to spend too much time sitting down. If you're gonna text someone on your phone, get up and walk around while doing it (just make sure you watch where you're going while you do it lol). Don't watch too much TV sitting down. Don't sit down in front of a computer too long. I know a friend who hates exercising and would rather play his video games. But he found a way to work the exercise into his gaming. He likes standing up and only sits down to rest his legs when he plays. Believe it or not, standing up burns calories. And every time he passes a level or finishes a match, he does five push ups and five sit ups. And he doesn't drink soda or eat a lot of junk food. Anyways, back to my story. If I didn't have the motivation to change, I would still be 300+ pounds with 29% body fat. Now, I've gotten it down to 220 pounds with only 20% body fat and I've started a few months ago. It's not an instant process and it's sure as hell not easy to stay committed, it takes time. And don't forget that you're still growing as a teenager.

Anyways, that's all I really have to say. I hope this helped you feel better and encourages you because I know what it's like. And it will be worth it when you start seeing results. Sorry if this was a bit long.

Hey there! I'm sorry about what you're going through. I can't say that I completely understand the challenge you are facing, but I know the feeling of hating yourself.
I suppose that I am in a way similar to you in the weight issue: I am anorexic. I hate how my bones just stick out from under my skin. I look unhealthy and sick. Trust me when I say that being skinny doesn't always mean you're being healthy.
Since you're in high school, I am going to assume that you have P.E. or Physical Exercise class. Use that class to your advantage. Even if all you do there is walk around, then walk or run. You don't need to do ten thousand jumping jacks to lose a couple of pounds. Walking will do. Take baby steps first before going to the big rounds. I am glad to hear that you are eating healthy, but make sure that your food portions is not too much. Stay away from sugar. I know that it's tempting to eat some chocolate, but it's not gonna help you all that much.
If you want to do dance or gymnastics, go for it. I can't say that I know much about them (sorry, softball player. Haha..), but if you want to then you should. However, don't just take those classes just for losing weight, but also because it will be something that you will enjoy doing.
I'm sorry that I can't give you anymore advice, but I wish you the best of luck in the future!