On days like this, I'm usually the one who listens to my friends as they vent out their feelings towards me when they want to or need to. I sit there and listen, I sometimes don't know what to say, so I have to listen and understand.
And today, a friend of mine brought up a divorce happening in her house and how she wanted it to happen, she didn't realize it, but saying those words brought back pain. . .
Just enormous amounts of pain.
But I sat there and empathized her, told her that I knew what it felt like. Yet, inside I started dying.
I felt the sadness, anger, loneliness. . . Yet, I couldn't tell her this. I didn't know how.
I'm usually the one who always listens and understands, but at that moment, I felt alone and I didn't know what else to do.
So I went through my day, numb and thinking about all these stuff. I just. . . I don't know.
Sometimes I feel like I can't do this, like I can't always be the one who listens, sometimes I want to be the one who gets listened to. The one who gets comforted or is able to let go of this heavy burden on my chest.
But like always, I won't be able to. I'll always be the one who holds in these emotions, these feelings, these broken words and thoughts.

I can relate pretty hard. When junk starts floating around in your head like that the best thing you can honestly do is find some way to leak it out. Hell, I felt like that today to the point where I couldn't get much of my work done. It's just super bad but it's obviously something neither you nor I can prevent. I really recommend writing, either journal it out or write a letter you don't have to send. Sometimes that's not good enough though, and if you don't feel like there's anyone in your life you can trust or rely on that you can get help from, check out this thread: http://dollars-bbs.org/personal/res/1372859238.html

There are a lot of people willing to listen at least. No guarantee they'll be able to tell you the perfect thing you need to hear (I can't even make that promise and my info's in there too) but just letting everything out so you can get back to the things you like is enough most of the time. So whether you write it all out or talk to one of us, I hope you can find a way to clear your head out.

i've got the same role in my friend-group. i listen. this doesn't bother me because i don't like sharing my problems with people. from your post it seems like we differ there. unfortunately i can't say i completely understand your situation, but i'd be happy to listen to (read) anything you feel like talking about. just to give you a break from being the listener. sorry i couldn't offer more helpful advice. good luck!