Ever since the end of May back in 2014, I haven't been feeling like myself anymore. Back when 2014 first started, I finally got a girlfriend. Her and I were real good friends before she confessed her love for me and I decided to become her boyfriend. Everything was real perfect at the time. My grades were high (like always) and I had a cute girlfriend. Life couldn't have gotten any better for me at the time. I was real happy. Once March came, I became real ill and stayed home from school for like a month. We messaged eachother everyday on Facebook after she arrived from school. I really missed her. Lots of people missed me when I was gone. As soon as I came back in April, everything changed. She stopped talking to me, unfriended me in her social networks/made new accounts without informing me, and ignoring me in real life. I was real frustrated. I hated not having a voice; not being heard. I forgot to mention that she kept me as a friend on Facebook and just deactivated her account because she "didn't want to be on the internet for a while". When she activated her Facebook account, I messaged her. I wanted her to hear me. I wanted her to know that I was there for her. That's when I then found out that she had been cutting herself and began to feel real depressed. I try helping her, but she never accepted my help. I tried everything but there was no result. She didn't want me to help her. She just kept cutting and cutting. The worst part is that I couldn't stop her from cutting. The depression rubbed off on me and I talked less in my group of friends. They asked me if I was alright and I replied with "Nah, I'm cool. Just thinking" and they just shrugged it off. This went on until May. We had a field trip to an art museum and I decided to tell her best friend to give this note that I have written to my girlfriend the night before. I can't really remember what I wrote to her, but I do remember asking if we can go back to normal after she begins to feel better. I left on the school trip and came back to a reply in my locker. She wrote back saying, "Wait does this mean we're over? ;-;". I gave the note a puzzled look and shoved it in my pocket. I replied with a, "Nah! Not unless you say it's over! <3 " And I gave it to her the next day. During lunch that day, i had a nice time with my friends. We were all telling out best jokes and playfully insulting eachother. My girlfriend's best friend came up from behind and tapped my shoulder. She tells me that the note's for me. I open it up and she breaks up with me. I freeze up. Her best friend pats me on the back and tells me I'll be fine and she leaves. My friend Alejandro looks at me strangely. "Bro, you alright?" He shakes me a bit and tears stream down my face. I was devastated; heart broken. I really loved her. I cried for the whole day. A week later, I see her and my friend Kevin hugging and holding hands. I get real angry, but I decide to not start anything and leave them be. Ever since then, I have grown cold and distant. My school district moved me to another school because the one I was at was too crowded with the new kids. I have lost 95% of all my old friends, and I simply don't care anymore. The old me would've cared. I don't laugh and smile as much as I used to anymore. I don't do my homework anymore, I don't pass my exams that often at school anymore, and I just am not myself anymore. The old me is still inside here somewhere. I don't feel well about this change. I've gotten more violent, more rebellious, and simply careless towards others' emotions. Ever since then, I stopped caring about suicide and cutting and I recently caused one of my depressed best friends named Jasmine to have an anxiety attack and almost triggered her to cut herself. I just needed to vent since I have no one to vent to at 3:30 AM

Don't let this breakup become the defining moment in your life. Don't think about suicide and don't think about what happened before. If you still have friends to talk to, open up with what's going on to them. You will feel better, but what's important is that you remember that that is just an event and that you mustn't dwell on the past.
It sounds like she may have cheated on you. Her actions preceding breaking up with her sound like the actions of someone feeling remorse for their decisions, and to her, blocking you on social media and avoiding direct interaction could be her attempts to shift the blame onto you. You are not in the wrong here, you have not done anything to cause this and you are in the position to rise above this.

If you need someone to talk to, I am currently lurking in a chatroom on the site 'drrrchat.com' called 'thepooper'.

>>2 & >>4 Hey, thanks. You really opened up my mind. I seriously never thought of the possibility that she cheated on me. By the way, I think you misunderstood a bit. I meant to say that I didn't really care about suicidal people and suicide in general, since most people would help someone out if they were feeling suicidal. I said that to kinda compare the old and new me. The new me doesn't care about those people. It sucks. I'm a shitty person, now. And thanks for the offer, but I'm gonna listen to music until I go to sleep. I can't get on my PC at the moment and I hate using drrrchat while on mobile. You rock, Yololord. :) Thanks alot

>>5 Sorry that I misunderstood. I hope things work out for you.

>>1 Dear Alternate,

I went through the very same situation, and by telling you this I mean that I do understand how you feel and felt. My ex-girlfriend is depressive and suicidal, and she broke up with me under the excuse "I want you to forget about me so that you don't suffer when I kill myself." but a week after she broke up with me, she started dating another guy. I know that kind of anger and indignance, that horrible feeling after you've done everything to make her feel better and to help her stop the cutting thing and all you get is a painful break up and seeing her with another guy, which is painful as well. But if you're that way now, just do as I do: Don't harm the others because you've been harmed, try to help others instead. It really helped me and it might help you feel better as well even though it won't change the way you are now. We're all with you here, Alternate. You can count on us, and contact me whenever you want to do so. I hope this helped and also that we get to talk one day.

Good luck,
-Bløwza.

Please, Please remember that school is a very small part of your life and depression is not inescapable. I can't tell you what it's like to be free of depression, and that everyone makes it out because why sugar coat it. I fight everyday. The difference between you and the people stuck in depression and confusion is the choice you make to fight, or to not fight. I think your girl is lost. It's not your job to help her because this has to be a personal battle or it won't go away. So live your life now. Travel, meet new people and mess up. Because through all that, you'll keep finding new reasons to fight and maybe things that make the fight harder but it's worth it. We're all worth it. I know it sounds like a bunch of motivation crap, that never works but If I had one thing to say looking back now on my anxiety, my eating disorder, my self harm, this is it; Don't give up just yet. The world isn't as bad as you think.

.....I feel that way too. I still do. But hey? no-one cares at all. I just want t end it all...I don't want to live...I don't want to see him holing hands with her.....I want to end it....