Hey guys, I posted on her a couple of months ago about a situation between my friends, and this is gonna be an update type of thing, along with kind of a rant, and also possibly a way of also asking for help.

For those who don't know, to go over it briefly, two of my friends had to break up so the guy could go out with someone else, I think with the intent on helping her out (she had said she'd tried to commit suicide and cut and a number of other things) and this caused the first girl some grief, after a lot of doubting and helping and questioning, about a month ago they broke up, and he's now back together with the first girl. Now this is all good because it means I don't have to give the 24/7 advice and it takes pressure off me. However if anything I seem to be worse. During the last couple of weeks of them being together a lot of bad stuff happened, and all of this was worrying and stressing me out so much that I cut. I haven't since, but I have my reasons. Ever since then I've felt like shit basically everyday. My friend (the one he was trying to help) rarely comes to school, and for several reasons I am kind of keeping me distance from her at the moment, however when she's around I feel really sick, nervous and scared, I think of something happening. My whole friendship group has now split into about 4 and its kinda left me feeling lost and helpless, not only that but I seem to have now become invisible to my friends when I hang out with them and am just ignored, so I'm more or less alone. I also keep getting comments from a friend who mostly knows my situation, however they keep telling me to stop being grumpy, as if I can help it, and tells me a being a real bitch at the moment. Almost everyday I will cry at least once, and most of the time its the night before school in fear of what might happen. I also seem to get worked up over every little thing, and my mood will switch within split seconds. My mind will often over think a lot of things and cause me to panic and cry, yet this is something I've never been able to stop. Although I haven't cut for a month, I have the urge to often, and for two days in a row, I even had a pen knife in my hand or next to me for the whole day. I know at this point you would be thinking why not talk to your parents or someone at school, however my parents aren't aware of anything (I hide all sad emotions from them) and if I talked to them, it would raise far too many awkward questions I'd rather not answer, as for my school, last time I went to them for help nothing was ever done to help and they kinda just ignored me.

Sorry if this was a bit of a ramble, and doesn't make much sense, but I just feel shit so much and I feel like I'm just gonna break completely soon, if I haven't already. If anyone give any advice, it would be really appreciated. Thanks.