I'm writing this mostly as just a way to vent my thoughts and concerns somewhere. I guess I'm using this as a way to face myself and get my thoughts in order, so even if you are still reading and plan to read the entire thing, you don't have to feel obligated to respond.

Firstly, I feel like I may be relapsing. I was depressed my first two years of high school because of some stuff that happened in my last year of middle school. After a while I accepting things the way they were and "got over it". But now, six years later, I sometimes feel as though I'm about to relapse. It kind of scares me but at the same time I feel as though I saw this coming. Things had been going pretty well for me lately and as soon as they did the thought that something bad was coming stuck in my mind.

Over the past three or four years, I've had this overwhelming lack of motivation. It all started whenever they started telling me I needed to decide what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Honestly I still have no idea. Back when I was depressed was when I really got into anime and video games. I guess I used them as a form of escapism, to just get away from reality. But by this time they had become a distraction to keep my mind off of school and stuff like that.

After a while, anime and video games were almost all that I thought about. I had friends and we still keep in touch every now and then, but as soon as high school ended I kind of just shut the world out. I spend most of my time in my room playing games, and on the off chance that someone does want to hang out with me I go and have fun, but whenever I do there is always the thought in the back of my head that I'd rather be at home alone.

I guess that's one reason why I feel like my depression is relapsing. I don't have very many close friends and the ones that I do have I barely see. I've tried applying for jobs to get out and meet people and at one point I would put in one application a week (not all at the same place), with no luck. I haven't been able to get a job for the past three years and I feel like I'm just leeching off of my parents.

I have no passions or drive of any kind. I chose to be a computer science major mostly because everyone said that the pay was good for most jobs you can get with a cs degree. Lately I've felt that it might not be the best pick for me because I'm really not enjoying my classes. As I said I have no real aspirations and the only thing I do know (or at least think I know) is that I want to help people. That's why I've been thinking for the few days that I might like to get a degree in criminal justice, but I'm not ready to make a decision just yet.

I guess that's about it.

The reason why your relapsing is because of the very reason why you want to stay inside. Computers, animes and games forces you to stay inside and interact less with other people. If you want to recover from depression, try going outdoors as much as you can. You can go hiking or biking if its sunny out there. Criminal Justice is surely interesting one. Go do what you want to do, and maybe it would stop relapsing again.

Sounds like you're an introvert, like me. There is nothing wrong about liking to be alone, but try not to actively shut other people out. Let them into your life in small doses, as you've been doing up til now :)

As for not getting any work, I completely understand. It's a hard world. But you can still get the satisfaction of work by doing other stuff. Try asking your friends if they need help with anything. Heck, ask strangers if they need help with anything! I did this and suddenly I could go to sleep every night feeling a little better about myself.