I've been recently thinking about my life in general, and have been thinking about the actions that I have done during my life. I have recently found out, by a peer- well more over the lines of, Girlfriend, that I am very, cold-hearted, and extremely sadistic. My girlfriend of 5 months,my first one in my whole life. I feel that I need to change, but I have been trying my hardest to change those parts of me. I cant.

I am very cold hearted to those that I know, and also very sadistic, as I cause too much chaos to those around me, only for my sole purpose of entertainment. I'm calling this my own Izaya incident. My whole life, I've been watching, and observing people's life, and only a small push, I cause chaos around them. It entertains me, however...a part of me doesn't like it, in fact it hates it- It wants to erase that giant portion of me, and it seems pretty much impossible. I do feel sympathy for people, and I do have a heart- just not very good one, I try to follow beliefs, but I always end up going the opposite direction.
I feel that my life is going through spiraling- downwards into an abyss, which is not what I want. I just want a peaceful life, and I want to try to stop myself from doing these things, I try to, but it just comes in naturally, I think it through, and I still end up doing it, I do have a conscience, I listen to it...But sometimes, it's usually wrong.
I need to find a way to change, and thus i ask dollars for help, how do I change a large portion of my personality to something that will help me through life, instead of imploding it.

If you want to change, all you need to do is decide to change. You're still holding onto that part of yourself because you see strength in that coldness. But there is also strength in warmth. Let go of the old you, and make the definitive choice to change.

it might help to just start helping people out with stuff whenever you see a chance. That way it'll kinda become instinctive, so your first reaction when you see someone will be "how can I help them" instead of "how can I mess with them". Already it's awesome that you recognize this part of your personality and are trying to do something to change it. Keep it up!

Accept that part of you rather than reject it. Maybe within those lines, you'll be able to find a way to change yourself. Like ryuhime said, try to think of ways to help people. Your personality, is based on the enviroment you lived in. Maybe someone around you is abusive, that you ended up being abusive yourself. People are like water, they ended up reflecting things around them. So find a way to be in peace, like going to a park or listening to classical music. Those things somehow help calm their nerves.

For once i'm going to write a somewhat positive comment, congrats, you're the first one Shield, i don't know why, maybe it's cause you seem a lot like me... except better. but this isn't about me, Shield, if you did not recognize that sadistic part of you until someone pointed it out, then it is not a big part of you, the want to change it, makes it a tiny part of you. Also, what's so bad about being sadistic?