18, female, sorry for the bad english...

I have been in a relationship for 3 years with a guy i really love. He loves me back I know it. Every moment we spend together is worth it.
But sometimes I wonder...

When he is mad he is super harsh to me not caring about how I am...
one time (if you are underage stop reading here) I tried teasing him and said dont touch yourself he was like ok. So yeah I touched myself and all in front of him but he didnt even change his expression. He cut me in the half and said that it was a waste of time. And got mad.
really mad.
Then he pushed me away.
he was in a good mood and I was so sad. I went back home and he said he will block me...
i did nothing and that made me cry my eyes out.
the next hour he always comes back to me saying sorry but he didnt today...

We slept a lot of times so yeah... I dont think i did anything wrong...

We are in the perfect times in our relationship. We want to get married... our parents met and everything. And we love each other a lot.

But the problem is when he is mad he always blames the fault on me and acts super cold to me. That makes me question his love fpr me... but when i say that to him he says I wont even answer that stupid question when i say do you love me.
guys... how can I stop crying? Help... I cant leave him btw... I will die if I do. It hurts this much because I love him ...
guys he is my everything.... he is the onlh person whom I feel comfortable with and can be weird with. I am the real me when im with him and heoves the real me not my mask....

What should I do...?

Spontaneous douchebag syndrome (I made that up)...
Don't know the specifics, but he just seems like a dick to me

You shouldn't depend your entire happiness on a person its bad because like you said if he left you you'd die. What you should do is start depending on him for happiness and start being more independent. Your relationship doesn't sound very healthy and that's a problem, I expect your relationship to end, I might be wrong but if it does happen you'll just want to die. So better yourself and be happier with yourself you just can't depend on someone to make you happy.

>>3
I would die because before we met I was suicidal. He saved me literally. If he is not here I want to die. Because he is the reason why i am still alive. He wants me to stay alive even if he dies but thats impossible.
and last night we had a fight.and he punched the wall and his hands started bleeding. Then he said go. I dont need you.
this never happened before just why is he doing this...

find new love youngster

>>5
No; I cant. I love him so much and its not easy to stop loving him.

Well then, Don't die ^^
Also, think a bit wheather it's love you feel, or VERY strong gratefulness

>>1 sorry karla but your relatioship with your boyfriends doesn't look good

hello karla,
don't give up. 6 months ago, i was in a similar situation and ended up getting suicidal and bulemic. it was a mess. i know how you feel--a little mix of loneliness, betrayal, and especially helplessness. this is going to sound like a bit of a broken record here, but you need to have hope for both yourself and your future.
here's a few things i tried to get over it (though even now i still am):
- everyday you need to tell yourself that you don't need him. say it out loud if you can bring yourself to do it.
- find a hobby. distracting your mind is key.
- make a game/contest with yourself everyday. try to set a new record for how long you can go without thinking about him
- cry. you'll feel empty for a while, but think about it as room for happiness
trust yourself and be strong. commit yourself to being the hero of your own story. you have so much love to give and that love will make someone very happy in the future. but now is not the time. now, you need to take care of yourself. be happy, okay?

Thanks for your replies guys but no I cant stop loving him.
if I say I dont need him that will be a lie.
i need him and he needs me.
we are one.
its really hard to describe it but we have been in worse situations.

Right now he said sorry but im scared that he will get mad again.
because his madness is something I cant handle...
I always fail at helping and I guess after 3 years we spent together I changed him that way... im the only one whom he can trust and I cant help him at all...
i feel so bad...

Karla,

As a person who is younger than you by several years, I do not know if my advice is right. My father and your boyfriend act very similarly, and it is scary to me, my mother, and by brother.

I believe you should be cautious. Be yourself, but remain aware of his actions and emotions and do your best to choose your words and actions according to that.

If he hurts you, call a hotline or refer to help from one of these:

http://my-happy-little-twink.tumblr.com/post/109670862663/deathshands-hello

Take care of yourself, and please please do your best to stay happy. While your boyfriend is an important part of your life, keep in mind that he is not the ONLY part in your life.

♥Aniko

>>11
thanks dear.
but he doesnt hurt me or will never hurt me. He wont hurt himself either.
I know him so yeah... you dont need to worry.

He is the only part of my life though, really...