...I want to talk to him. But I honestly don't know exactly how to. Hes my crush. So it makes it 10x harder to... Every time i see him I think of the letter from Kingdom Hearts. "Thinking of you wherever you are. We pray for our sorrows to end, and hope that our hearts will blend. So now, I will step over and accept this wish. And who know: Starting a new journey may not be so hard. Or maybe... Its already begun. There are so many worlds out there. But they all share the same sky. One sky. One destiny."
Thats how i believe it goes. I mean, i probably messed up a little bit, but still. Its close enough. Anyways-- Every time i see this boy, My whole mind goes blank and I think of that one quote thing. I want to talk to him but when i grow the courage to, I usually lose the courage to and chicken out. Or when i DO talk to him, I become really shy and Dont know what to say. I stutter alot and stuff if I do find something to talk to him about. Today i got upset with myself and cut my wrist in class because i saw him standing in front of the door to his class room. When I was approaching him, he looked up and saw me. He then smiled. I blushed a ton and began to think. "Hes really smiling at me? WOW! A Senior smiling at a Freshman!" I then sprinted past him, feeling like i was about to cry. I cried in class. It hurt not knowing what to do. So i just fucking ran away like the little bitch i am. Hes bisexual so i wont have a problem being a guy and liking him. But the thing is, we both have girlfriends who we love a ton. Im pansexual. Hes bisexual. So i just want to at least be his friend... but i dont know where to even begin with that. Ive been here so many times, asking for help. But nobody really helped. so im trying to explain more in this so you guys could help me more. This is really fucking hard. Im not even joking anymore so-- yeah. Idono what the hell to do. Im scared for him to see me in cosplay or even know who i am (Is a really big otaku gamer). He would probably judge me and push me away. I mean, that sorta stuff is weird after all. Its not normal. I know this. And i know about the whole weeabu thing or however the hell you spell it. I know the differences. And im an otaku. a very shy otaku gamer for fucking sure. I want make him happy... but... how? All of his friends are seniors and then theres me. That baby freshman. I dont want him to get embarrassed or anything by having a fresman around... but... fuck... idono what to do anymore guys... im getting really depressed over this... suicidal... ive even cut myself.. and i never do that... i know better... but it seriously is the only thing that helped my pain... i cried myself to sleep for the last 3 months... ive liked him since the first marking period. Now its the middle of third. I spoke to him for the first time in the beginning of this marking period. I dont know what to do at all anymore... i feel as if the only way i could make him happy... is to just leave him alone... and never ever speak to him again... but ill be torn apart if i do that... so ill rid of myself... my girlfriend knows about him and everything... she wants me to be happy so she wont mind if i end it with her and go out with him... but ill never do that. i love her way to much. But ill let her do the same. Just to be happy. If she has to that is. But help me.... I just... want to fucking die... if thats the only way i could fucking make him happy... fucking help me... please...

Well First of all, DON'T DIE!!!!!! If you do, your girlfriend will be sad, very sad..
Secondly.. about the boy... I'm trying to imagine what'd I'd like in his situation and well.. If you want to just talk to him.. no idea, however if you want to HONESLY talk to him, I think just YOLO (Or work up the courage somehow) hug him, it may be too 'hard' for you, but just do it, you can talk later, you must let your feeling out first (:

or just do what i did so u can never be hurt again

remove yourself from society and harden yourself to the point to where you can never have feelings again. i have no feelings except for a fake smile i keep on my face

>>1 I'm pretty sure you don't love your GF as much as you think you do. If you truly did love her you wouldn't be so worked up about this guy you claim to like so much. Honestly most of what you said sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that you do love this girl and you like this guy. You're afraid of him knowing you're some otaku which in reality isn't even that big of a deal so you're insecure about yourself obviously. Honestly I don't like you not because you're some otaku but because you're pathetic like really. I don't even think you have a healthy relationship with your GF because apparently she's completely fine with you leaving her. That makes me think that she wants you to break up with her just so she doesn't hurt your feelings. If you'd like some advice here's mine, stop being insecure, stop lying to yourself and just do it, if you stay afraid you'll amount to absolutely nothing in life. One last note; if you want to die then just die people like you should already be dead. Take my help however you want.

LOL to long i'm to lazy to read it all