Well, how I should start it...I'm 20yrs old, I'm going to start the university in sept, and rhigt now I'm in abroad gaining money for it, but dunno if I wanna be a software engineer but seems interesting, this is not the point .. aggh.. I'm useless, not good at anything, but I do like a lot of things like do sports (a lot, football, skiing, basketball etc), reading book, watching anime ( and because the amazing plot I can feel myself in another world), I do like a lot of music, but I think I burden to a lot of people, can't make the right decisions, I just can't enjoy the life, am I a bad person maybe that's it? These time I thinka bout the universe how big is that, how tiny we are, how OUR life is worthless, so that's why we NEED to enjoy it, do what we want to do, but what if u cant do it? cause this is a f*cked up world , for example I wanna travel do extreme sport, meet a lot of people fall in love( like i said I'm 20 and I haven't had girlfriend, pathetic, isn't it?) but these are cost money, need to work the money, but that cos a lot of time, so that's why we should ,,find our dreamjob" which is rare,I'd rather sit in office and make thinks in computer and programming, that be in a kitche , but what if I won't like it, ot worse can't even finish the university. I'm having thought about suicide, but I'm kinda coward for that, or maybe need a perfect place for that, cause I always wondering about jump from hill with a marvelous sight, that'd perfect, but what if i meet girl and everything just gonna change, or SOMETHING good gonna happen, "hope".. I hate it, if there is no hope then I'd more sure about suicide, so hope is a good thing or not, cause it makes us alive, which is make us suffer for a long time to enjoy just moments, is it worht it?
Sorry guys for te long post, I just ..dunno, anybody feels the same?

I see your point.
I'm about to graduate high school, and I have no idea what I want to do as of yet. For the past three years, I've been taking mostly fine arts class. I love music, acting, and drawing, and it would be fantastic if I got a degree in the arts.
But I know that the chances of being a famous artist and having a high pay is slim.
I am currently taking accounting classes and other business classes. I don't hate them, but I don't like them. It was just the other day when I realized that if I did get a job that involves me sitting in a cubicle for endless hours, it would drive me mad. I started having a meltdown. I was thinking of committing suicide because it would be an easier choice. I was crying and panicking; I just didn't know what to do. Apparently, my grandma was downstairs and heard me. She came up into my room and just sat on the bed. I was still crying, and all she did was just patiently wait for me to calm down. When I calmed down, I told her everything; about my dream of wanting to be an artist instead of an accountant, about how absolutely useless I feel, and about thinking that it would be better if I died.
Her advice to me is the same one I'm going to tell you: Go for it. If this is something you really want to do, the job that you want, then you should take it while you have a chance. Because when you're old and tired, you're going to look back at the life you could have had, but you didn't take the chance when you did.
If money is an issue, than find a decent paying job. Think you won't be able to get that job? Well you gotta work for it. Commit to what you want to do, whether its going to be a software engineer or something else, you have to do it. And you can. Don't give up. If you wanna travel, find a job that involves traveling. There are tons. If you think that you can't finish university, don't think that. From my perspective, you seem like a well rounded sort of guy; the kind that people would get along with. I have never met you in my entire life, but I think that if i did, you would be a pretty cool dude to hang around with. I think that you can pass college if you really tried. If you want a girlfriend, there are tons of fishes in the sea. Look for that special girl; she can be right under your nose the whole entire time. When you go out, whether it's to a party or somewhere outside, make conversations with people. If you feel shy about it, look up tips on how to start a good conversation with a stranger. Thinking about suicide? DON'T. Killing yourself will get you nowhere. Death isn't an easy answer to all of life's questions and trials. Sometimes you're going to fall and don't wanna get up. But you have to. Get back up and keep on working it out. You have your whole future ahead of you. If you committed suicide, think about the life you could have lead if you did. You're here for a reason. Please, please don't think that you are useless. The future is out there, and its waiting for you to reach it. It's gonna take time and effort, and it's not gonna be easy. But just...try. Isn't that something we humans are good at? Trying to succeed?
I'm sorry if I didn't answer all of your questions. I'm not a therapist; I'm just a high school girl with big dreams in a small world. Haha.
But know that you're not alone. You got friends? Family? Good. You ain't alone. And you got me and the Dollars at your back. We got ya, man. We got ya.
So with my few final words, I wish you the best of luck with your life. As a friend of mine once said when we were doing a science experiment in class, "Life is just an experiment that went wrong. The only thing we can do now is figure out the problem and fix that shit."
Bye! :)

Hey Linny! Thank you to writing you experiment to me, and let me have a look to your perspective. Your reply made me think, and I will thinkg about it more, and I'll try what you suggested^^
I wish you're dream come true, it seems interesting, and enjoyable , and you're determind I guess, so no doubt ^^ I hope you've changed you mind about suicide, you're unique, don't throw it away, but after I finished reading your letter, realized you're on a whole new,,level", so I'm not worrying about it!:) Thanks for you great advice.
We gonna fix this shit life!:d