Hey nice to see you guys again! It's Chi-chan!!
It's weird that I've been hanging out and talk a lot in this site and feel awkward every time I wanted to post something... (⌒-⌒; )

Anyways~
It's not really that important though, but recently I just got scolded by my parents and friends about how cold I am toward others...not only that, I lack emotions to be honest...even though I can talk happily like this in this site, I'm actually not smiling at all or even making an expression...

The thing is due to my lack of emotion, my aunt scolded me do lying to myself. I don't really get but I guess it's about my ex. My ex...no, I mean he's already become a friend of mine...we talked a lot and for some reason I trust him, and I tend to ask advice from him whether I'm in a bind, I even asked him to go with me and my friends sometimes. Well I was planning to asked him, we're going to have a trip to Bali, and I wanted to ask him...I tell my aunt about this and she said, "so you're still fall in love with him huh?".

I shook my head, "I don't think so, he's just a friend". "Liar, you like him", my aunt insisted. "No...I mean, he's not even handsome and he's not a good guy for me", I said plainly with my straight face. Then my aunt scolded me, "Why are you lying to yourself about your feelings? I don't like seeing people who hurt themselves". I'm pretty confused about what she just said.

I mean...I'm not even feel happy or sad when I asked him...love is pretty complicated stuff huh? I can't even tell the difference between friendship and love and beside I am empty so basically I can't feel my own emotions. It's strange that I'm sensitive about others but doesn't understand a thing about myself. People gave me nicknames like "zombie", "walking dead body", or even ghost. As usual their mocking and nicknames doesn't bug me at all. So I was wondering whether I like him or not...I care about him but rarely show it because I don't want to bother him with my lectures...he won't listening to me anyway...

So uhh what the heck am I? I mean I'm a human but...what are my emotions? I can't describe it...and what does it feel to be in love and in a friendship? I have so many unanswered question inside my head

I can't really tell you how your feeling or what you feel because everyone feels differently. Just because you don't show emotion doesn't mean you don't have them. Maybe things just don't affect you as much and that is perfectly fine. People process things in different ways. A lot of people believe that you have to be a certain way or act a certain way to be "normal." However, I don't think there is such a thing as "normal" because everyone is different. You should just continue being yourself. Honestly, if you feel like you don't love him and that he's not the right one for you, then it is as you say. If, down the line, you change your mind, then that's fine. No harm no fowl. No one can tell you how you feel; they don't have your brain. I'm sorry I can't really answer your question about the difference between love and friendship because I am inexperienced in that respect. Oh and you know? Caring for someone else, friend or significant other, shows that you do have emotions. You have to like the person and enjoy their company in order to get to the point where you confide in them. Emotion comes in many shapes and sizes; not just the feeling of sadness, happiness, anger, etc.

I see...it makes sense. Even though I'm learning about human emotions, but I can't feel my own emotions, sometimes I feel as if I feel empty...not sad, not even happiness cross my mind. When there are guys who mock me, I don't feel hurt...and when I see someone close to me crying, I help her out but I don't feel anything particularly...

And then I thought to myself..."Am I really okay with this?".

It's good to ask yourself these questions because it helps you delve into yourself and learn more about who you really are. Afterwards, If you feel like you want to change, you should do it for yourself and not for the people around you. It won't work if you do it for others. Trust me, I've tried and it didn't really work. I just felt like I was a completely different person. In the end I decided that I didn't want to change myself and that I shouldn't care what other people say about me because I'm me and no one can take that away from me. No one can take away the fact that you are you. I'm not going to tell you that you shouldn't change yourself because I believe that it's not bad to want to change. I think that many people feel that way and want to improve themselves. The reason you want to change is what really matters; and changing for yourself is what makes it the most special.

Don't worry. You are not alone Chi-chan. I thought I was the only one who lacks emotion in this world. But I was wrong.

I can relate to this a lot.

For years I've been blunt on things that shouldn't be. I apparently have a tone that is angry eve though I'm not even the slightest. My parents scold me for being so blunt and I try not to be, but I got used to doing it. I've always been emotionless on a lot of things too. An example would probably be comedy media. I rarely laugh at their jokes and stuff. I don't know how this came to be.