I guess I'm making this thread, one to rant, and two to try and maybe get some advice. There are things that have happened before what I'm about to explain, but I won't go into, however they aren't good things, and before have driven me to having suicidal thoughts. For this little, story I guess, I won't use names, so we're gonna have friends A, B, and C. There may be others but hopefully it should all make sense. If I miss out any bits which could result in any advice, or helpful comments not being useful, I will reply explaining.


So, it started pretty much in the summer when friend A began cutting, and even at one point told me that she was gonna commit suicide, however she never did it in the end. Throughout the whole of this I tried to help but no matter what she wouldn't listen to me and denied all my heart, despite coming to me for help. Instead she began telling me that friend B had been helping her, and stopping her often when she had bad thoughts. I would've been fine with this, however there were two issues, the first, she was begining to conceal herself away from me, the second, friend B's girlfriend (friend c) was begining to worry about B because it was starting to affect him, and A started getting a little too close to B. Eventually this resulted in B breaking up with C and going out with A. It was a bit of a shock for everyone else, but for me, I kinda expected it. From this point on, and even now C keeps coming to me for help, going into every little detail and getting me to analyse all of it and give my opinion, and even sometimes, she tells me things that are private and I shouldn't know (I shouldn't know any of this anyway). I'm fine with helping her, and most of my life just revolves around helping people. At school I have to watch all of my friends very closely to see if anything unusual happens and to make sure everyones at least kinda happy or at least, not suspicious of whats happening. However this is getting complicated, because C still loves B, B doesn't seem to really like A and only really seems to be going out with her to help her and try and get her out of this depression, cutting, suicidal thoughts, and even now apparently voices, and A now seems to be going back to her ex. However B and A are still, at least, pretending to go out. However all of this is badly harming B as well, and A doesn't know this, and shouldn't know this, but C tells me, because B trusts C more than anything. Now here lies the problem for me, I have about 6 other things to worry about at the same time, some big, some small, but there is always something to think about, and, if I'm honest, this is getting too much. See I think I may possibly have depression however I'm not sure. However I can't go to anyone one for help because my family know nothing, about any of my problems in life, and I physically can't tell them, because one, they have so many things to worry about right now, they don't need more, and two, they wouldn't understand, plus that means telling them about things I never want them to know, I guess cause I'm kinda ashamed. But back to the point I was making, I think this whole situation is making it worse because sometimes I will find myself kinda struggling to breath, I feel down almost everyday at least once, I have thoughts of cutting myself (however my consciousness often stops me), however I do instead scratch myself to about the point of drawing blood (although this doesn't often happen), I also often have thoughts that drugs and things would be better than this and would help. I will say now that I can't tell my friend that this is happening because I don't want to have to suffer any more pain. Like I said, telling family is out of the question, I don't have any other friends that I trust enough to tell. At the moment I have my boyfriend to talk to, and he seems like the only thing worth holding on for. But the amount of help one person can give is limited. So guys this is kinda where I need your help, if anyone can give any advice or help to me, I would be very grateful, or even opinions on the situation would be helpful.

If you have stopped to read this and are willing to give help, thank you so much.
-Sparky

p.s. Sorry if this didn't make much sense.

I think you are thinking a lot about others' problems. If you want to speak I can listen you ^^ Sometimes speaking with a stranger is easier.

I will give you a very good advice, stop worrying about them. Friend C is self guilty for getting a little envious.
You are kinda stupid, like really, why would you go to the point of thinking about suicide just because of someone else's small problems. This is just teenage girl's depression, it always comes and goes away, very often at those emo's or girly hysterical girls. And yes I mean it, these are small problems that YOU shoulnd't even bother to think about. I'll tell you what problems are, problems is when you have to pay a lot that you go to the point of having a part-time job when you have school. Problems is what you understand you have when you're running from police. Problems is when your life is screwed, not damn mentally but physically.
Why did friend A even begin cutting? You didn't tell. Let me guess, boyfriend? Family problems? Bullying?

>4 Well see my whole life has revolved around others because I've been isolated almost all my life, and so when I found friends, my only purpose has been keeping them safe and happy, also I didn't think of suicide because of that, it was other previous things, which are worse, but I won't begin to explain. Friend A cutting was from Parents, because they are very religious and dont really accept her, also from her ex kinda, but the way things happened isn't good, she also has been bullied for most of her life, she pretty much hate how she looks, and also something happened between her parents when she was younger.

>2 Thanks for the offer, but right now, I know I've always got my boyfriend to talk to. But I'll let you know if I do need someone to talk to. =3

>>5 Got it, hate it. Can't help. I was bullied before too but I was able to get over it and shut their mouths, was pretty easy. So now I can't help people who get bullied because I just can't understand how can they be so weak. Like really, the whole school thought I had sex with a guy, and they were making fun of me. But I followed 2 steps:
1. Ignore them until they don't stop
2. If they aren't stopping, become aggresive, first with words, if still doesn't work - then with body

Maybe you can suggest that friend A needs to see a therapist? She seems to be the main problem here. Or you can ask friend C not to talk about the problems so the two of you can just focus on enjoying hanging out with each other. If you do that you won't get anymore of those problems and sometimes it is the best to be honest and to tell her you have enough problems already. Also friend A needs to be told that when she moves out of the house she doesn't have the parent problems anymore, she isn't getting bullied now and that it doesn't help to cry over an ex-boyfriend considering he won't return to her if she does that. Also she shouldn't harm her own body. It kind of is like laughing in the faces of people who were born handicapped or with an illness. I'm sorry if i sounded a little harsh there. Also i'm sorry if there are any grammer of spelling errors here. English isn't my first language. If you need to talk you can always talk to me if you want.

>>7 Yeah, I understand, but it is harder for others to get over it and things, and I do believe for her it may just be for attention. She's getting on my nerves, but she won't listen to me.

>>8 A is seeing someone now, but I dont think shes telling them everything, and I know its like shes laughing in peoples, and I am begining to hate her, but she won't listen to me. I know I should tell friend C that I can't really handle it, but unfortunately I've already tried, and I physically can't. I just can't put more worry and pain on her by telling her. I find it hard to talk about myself.

Hmm you're too much of a people person, and that never ends well. I was at one point where there were many family problems that I knew of, but was told to keep a secret even from close relative. Kinda meant putting on a fake smile or some sort of expression to hide this. It lasted for about a year until I got hospitalised.

The point? If you can't talk about this to your family then don't. But if I were you I'd gather all these friends of yours and settle it once and for all. And face the fact that you could be shunned or rejected.

However, nothing beats the taste of honesty.

ah and remember you can't make everyone happy, FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOUR HEALTH TOO BEFORE I TURN INTO A RAGING SHIZUO.

>>10>>11 I know, I've been told so many times, however I've never been able to bring myself to it, I've tried so many times but I've never been able to actually do it. I try thinking about myself sometimes but its hard, please don't rage, that doesn't seem fun :P But I do try to think of myself as much as I can. Also, I shouldnt know about any of this so I'm not sure if I could sort this out by talking to all of my friends. I really really will try thinking of myself though.

Hey Sparky, I just read through your post. Here are some thoughts for you if you'd like them, I'll try to keep it short.

A few years ago, when I was still in school, I used to spend a lot of time thinking about other peoples feelings, worrying about the effect I was having on others or wanting to 'fix' problems and unhappiness. Looking back now I recognise that a lot of what I was thinking, of trying to help other people, came from the fact that I myself was lacking in stability and support. I didn't feel like I could open up to my parents, that they wouldn't understand and that I simply didn't want to talk to them which I see now was more like not wanting to feel vulnerable or accept that I needed help by covering it up with 'so and so's situation' or 'friends A, B and C'. I found that people will generally open up with their troubles and feelings more with this kind of attitude too, by making a conscious effort to seek out people's troubles and listen. Although this can be a really great thing and gives support to people where they may be without hope, I find that ultimately you cannot solve people's situations and one cannot really be of help if they themselves are really struggling.

I couldn't help everyone and often I wasn't needed for a solution to happen. It's worrying if your friends are suffering and feelings of wanting to self-harm and commit suicide are best taken seriously. However, maybe it's worth considering how you're doing and what you need. You don't have to share yourself to the point that your having anxious fits and hurting yourself, it isn't going to help yourself and certainly not anyone else. Perhaps see this as a sign that you could take better care of your feelings and need for support before giving your thoughts and time so fully to the struggle of your friends?

In this way you wouldn't be abandoning them or being selfish but rather putting yourself in a happier position and a healthier one and subsequently might be more help in the end.

I can only talk of my own experience of course and I don't know the details of your life but I can tell you that when I finally opened up to my parents, began to let go of the need to fix others and instead took the time to recognise where I was and what I needed, I became a lot more whole, a lot more sane and entirely more stable and happy.

I hope this snippet helps x

>>13 Thanks for the advice, I don't think I'd be able to open up to my family at the moment, I find it hard just to speak about this stuff anyway, it took me a couple of days to be able to post this. I do have my boyfriend though who is the only person who I can talk to freely without not finding it hard. Its just everyone else who I can never talk too. Admittedly I do try to cut conversation short with people seeking help if I'm not feeling good, but I then feel guilty for not helping them, seeing people in pain breaks my heart. But then if I see that they are happier once its all over I feel better, I just don't know when this will be.

Thanks for the advice, it is useful, I'm just not sure if I can open up to people yet.

If you need advice i can help, but like I've always said to people that I help, I won't "help you", my job as an adviser is to guide you to what is best for you. If you want to know some things that might be bothering you then please do tell. It is good for a human to let everything go instead of shouldering things. I recommend not telling someone you trully trust, I would prefer asking a stranger that would like to help you like us in the community.... The only thing I will encourage you to do is to worry about those around you and let those around you worry about you, get what I'm saying?

If you would like to speak some more or want more advice, I'm always happy to help -> kik: MiyamuraSenpai

>>15 Thanks, I'll think about it, I'm still really debating what to do. So I won't agree yet, but I might.

Everyone has suicide thoughts, but don't let them get to you. I know this is cliche, but You only live once man, and don't be depressed over such things, try to suck it up and push through these bumps within your life.

>>17 I'm trying my best, its what I've been doing for quite a few years now, not sure how well its working though.

There are much more happy things in life,right?And share the trouble would also half the burden.YOLO,so be optimistic about everything in life.

This might seem to be a cold reply but just try to take this into consideration. Their lives can't be decided by what other people will advise them. You can give as many options for A B and C to choose from but if they really want to do something they would have. That is honestly how it is. People can choose all the time and they tend to stop because they are either scared or know the outcome and know they won't be happy with it.
You should look out for yourself, you're responsible for your own health and I really hope that you won't need to ever cut yourself. I understand you're worried about your friends, it's perfectly normal and I do that quite often, but this doesn't make me happy. Remember that their problems are theirs and all you can do is listen to them and help them find their own answers.

Hope this helps a little bit.

>>20 I understand, I know what you mean, I've just never thought about myself before, so switching to it is difficult.

It has to be a slow going switch, if you do it quickly people might find you cold or self centered. Try to spend time with people who don't stress you this much and if you need to have some time alone. IT doesn't mean ignore people but just text or reply to their texts for few days and see how it goes (try to do it on the weekend) :)

>>22 Thanks for the advice, I'll try it out