Hi, hi~
This is Chi-chan dessu~
As usual I will ask about your opinion. What is trust? And what if the trust is broken? Chi-chan actually had a trauma from the past. You see Chi-chan had a boyfriend in the past, let's just say his name is Flower. We're still junior high school back then and we dated, I really love him too. But after a week, he dumped me and said I'm only his runaway girl because he still like a certain someone. After that incident I had a disease, because of stress my hair gone bald and I've become ill until today...after that we fought a lot and he bullied me...it is so painful that he make me scared of forming a relationship...and in this senior high school life, my best friend betrayed me...because she's jealous of my closeness with a boy she likes, and also because she dislike my human observation hobby, my mother personally hate my best friend now...and now Chi-chan is lost and unable to believe again...I'm scared that because of myself...I won't be able to believe in anyone anymore, it was scary for Chi-chan~

Chi-chan is scared of Chi-chan self...people see me as childish and naive person in the real world, and also a loner...but the truth is Chi-chan is a very cautious person, never trusted anyone...I'm scared by how people said they believe in me and I'm not even believe in them...what do you think I should do?

Colorless loved someone in the past too. let's call him friend. well colorless thought friend liked her back but then when friend and colorless went out together friend would get embarrassed and would break up with colorless. years after colorless left the school friend attended she asked why friend would go out then one week or two later break up with colorless. friend replied with these words: " I wanted to become popular." Colorless was hurt. she knew what friend was saying because colorless knew she wan't popular and had no other friends ( other people) besides Friend. and if Friend was seen around Colorless then Friend wouldn't be seen as popular. a few years later Colorless met someone new. let's call her "Best" well Colorless cared for Best because she was going through a lot of difficulties. so was Colorless so they confided in each other. after a while Colorless had to move to a new place. Colorless was sad to tell Best but then when Colorless moved Best turned worse and blamed Colorless for it. Now Best won't talk to Colorless and hangs up on her when she calls her.
Colorless knows what it's like to be betrayed by people you love or care about. but Chi ~chan, you must believe me wen I say this, there are people who you can trust. they're sometimes so hard to find but I've found one. and she's important to me. it might take a while. take some time to build it back up but you don't have to have a pour out your heart with the first person you come in contact with. take it one step at a time. you can't love if you don't love yourself. you can't trust people if you can't trust yourself.

Hi hi, Usagichi is the same way. I was betrayed by my closest friend a while back, only I never got any explanation. It wasn't like we moved away from each other or anything. The best thing to do is as Colorless said. Take one step at a time. Also, all the Dollars are here to help you too, you can lean on us a little too as you need it... Though don't do it too much... I'll get all teary-eyed again..

>>2, >>3
Thank you very much for the encouragement...to be honest I feel dead inside, while watching how humans interact and all...I did it not because I wanted to help them or something like that, I did that because if my own enjoyment to make me happy. But when I think about it again...Chi-chan feel horrible, I mean it's detestable for most person if they know who Chi-chan really is...

I'm scared of myself...and I'm scared of trusting again...some people said Chi-chan is a reliable person and they always talk about their problem with me and I always help them find the solution...they said they trust me and it scared me sometimes for unknown reason. Humans are scary...but they're also interesting...

I curse myself sometimes for thinking something so twisted about what arounds me...

>>2, >>3
Wow you two had a bitter relationship with others too...I guess of course Chi-chan is not the only one heheh...I felt a little bit dumb for getting ill because of a boy who never even think of me. He bullied me a lot but luckily we've become friends in senior high school...although I admit, he's a little bit strange...

Nevertheless, I feel dumb for getting sick because of my ex boyfriend, it was pretty dumb and illogical --"

And I regret it

I used to be in the same place, kind of still am. I can't trust anyone so openly anymore, but I still am okay with myself. After never having a decent relationship I just got used to being duped. They lie to me and tell me what I want to hear while they are with another. I probably just fall for the wrong type of person. Yet on the bright side I don't hate myself anymore.

I think everyone is crazy, or messed up, in their own little way. I am a loner and kind of prefer it that way. I know I am a little weird too, but being weird is more than okay. I would say believe in yourself first. That is a lot easier said than done. Like I always say, writing is a good way to find out your true self. One of my teachers turned me onto writing just to write. Took some years but I finally came to terms with my past and who I am. It is also a good way to vent for me.

I don't think those thoughts of yours are as twisted as much as you believe them to be. Coming from someone who had worse thoughts I don't think yours is too nefarious, just different.

I don't know if it's right to say this but, I'd like to be your online-boyfriend! Thumbs up! ;)

Chi-chan. Don't feel dumb. It isn't necessarily illogical to feel sick or heartbroken over things like that. There's quite a few bad apples out there and we just so happened to find them but, as we say on here, the world isn't as bad as you think. Also, >>7, I think its a little too soon to throw that out there. JUST sayin. Lol

it's ok chi chan i've been betrayed to by people i started careing for an yea i really don't open up as much i like to like ween face to face but here i can say what i want im a fathful man if i were to find someone to care for again idk what i do because of trust issues but i probably be even more shocked if someone cared about me im only 21 an i already feel like this like everyone has had a go at me but i still get up everyday to take my little sis to school because are mother who i don't live with don't speak to is a drug addict /alcoholic so my little sis lives we me for now in my own home alway form are mother had to get my sh%t straight for something i really do hate digging up bones of love that's gone but i just want you to understand you need to find meaning in your life for me now mine is looking after my little sis

>>6, >>8, >>9
I'm glad that everyone gives me support...I thank you all for that. I know I'm not the only one who feel this way, but I'm really glad that everyone help me with this. I somewhat feel happy...I always think by logic just to avoid any more heartache, but I suppose that wasn't the case...I'm looking forward for talk more with the rest of the Dollars :)

To be honest at first I join Dollars because it's an interesting community and I think of experimenting a bit...which is so twisted of me, I'm very sorry fellow Dollars. But now I learn something new from joining here, thank you :3

>>7
Wow, that escalated quickly but no thanks Kannon-san :D
Although I must say I'm quite interested in you. Heheh, thanks for the offer~

No probs :D you're pretty cool too!

don't sweat the small stuff your awsome i like the twisted girls don't get me wrong i like nice girls but i couldn't be in a relationship with one because i would never doing anything that could hurt um in anyway it just wouldn't be a equal relationship

>>11
I feel honored XD

>>12
Is that a compliment? W-Wow, I never thought people would like me if they see me like this...

>>14 You said that you like observing people, but you seem to have not seen many people like >>12. (Why would it doesn't be a compliment? :D) In the least there're thousands of people on earth who would selflessly love you forever for who you are. Let alone, friends. Nobody's alone. They just need to keep looking.
Besides, isn't being sad, part of life? Sadness is the price for truly loving something. So if you want to love something so much, it's sure that you're gonna be a hell of a lot sad when you lose it. Without that risk, you can't love anything much. I believe that sadness of losing it is the reward for treasuring it so much. I feel honored to think that the reason I feel sad about something is because I was sincerely dedicated to it.

Also >>8 Ahaha! I know, but time is immaterial. It's just a concieved concept by the eternal idiots, humans!
One more thing Chi-chan, I was serious on my first post. ;)

first off, >>6 I write too when I"m mad or sad. it helps me think clearly and after that I don't feel mad/sad anymore. I 've thought the problems/situations through clearly and can see what to do after that.
>> 15 that is a very amazing way to think about sadness and I love it!!! I've always said " you can't know joy if you don't know sadness" because without pain in our lives there would be no Empathy. only Sympathy. we know what it's like to lose someone and we know what it is like to care for someone. so we all can reach out a helping hand to fellow Dollars or non Dollars. :)

P.S. everyone's a little bit twisted in some way. some more than others ;)

>>16
You're right...all of this time, I deny my feelings and depends of using logic, it makes me become more distant from the others, because I don't want to get hurt...and to make it worse, I tested my best friend reaction about the person she loves, I just want to help her forget him but it turn out to be...she used my humans observation hobby as a backfire and tell the others that I'm just toying with her feelings...which makes me feel horrible...I just want to know whether she already move on from her past crush...but I guess I'm wrong...

Chi-chan will try to open up a bit...I hope there's someone out there who accept Chi-chan the way I am...I don't want to end up like what my best friend did to me...I was helping her but she said I'm toying with her feelings...and she said I want to take her crush away...maybe I'm the one who's wrong here?

>>15
Well umm...I've been observing humans since I enter high school...a bitter past with my ex that makes me become more cautious about what arounds me, so I unconsciously developed human observation hobby...to see how people act and all...my ex...he...force me to take a picture of me nude...and he mock me and did the same too my friend...so that's what makes me become dark...it was a scary experience, it felt as if he raped me or something like that...which is luckily I didn't agree with him...although we become friends later on, because we forgive each other.

It's rare to see someone praise me or compliment me, my friend I mean...they always joke about how shy and lame I am, and I just nodded...doesn't really care, because I thought of it as a joke but after the incident with my best friend. It makes me crazy and distant...'I can't believe in anyone in the end'. And my ex come and said, "there is no true friend". I'm in a bad mood...and foolishly I agree with him.

>>15
XD
Even though you're serious about the first post haha...I...can't, I suppose. After what happened with my ex, hahaha...no thanks :D

i wouldn't trust people online ether chi chan that's even worse common sense tells us that im not going to tell you im a saint i did some fu%ked shit ween i was younger like ween i was 13 i was dating this girl i was sucking on her tits in front of her brother i just couldn't believe all he said was get a room that's gotta be one worst things i've done hows that for twisted

>>19
R-Really? I guess you're right, I have to be careful...right. Pardon me for my formal language. That was awful...I'm very sorry to hear that. As for me, my ex used to be my best friend...but well he's just using me..one night, he suddenly text me and force me to say sorry to him. I oblige because I don't really care about h anymore. And then he order me to take a picture of myself nude and I have to trust him that he doesn't see that photo. Of course I harshly refuse, if I do that my pride will! Ugh...well we had a big argument until dusk *hehehe*

And with that I turned off my cellphone

oh i almost forgot i want wish you merry christmas an a happy new year chi chan because i probably won't be back on here till after the holidays

Oh...umm merry Christmas to you too...hehehe

>>17 Man! After doing something like that to you, don't take anything he says seriously. There are no true friends? He said that probably because he used to be alone. I have said this before, good friends are indeed rare. But someday you'll meet them. Everyone in the whole planet is entitled to friendship. From saints to terrorists. Friends with uncommon hobbies are better than terrorist friends, right? But even the evil ones have friends. Conclusively, what he said is untrue.
About trusting people, so you're going to sit there without taking any chances? Do you think you'll get friends by waiting? If the people you trust betray you, then just let them be! Whatever happens, you're not gonna die because of it. Sure, there will be times when you would be alone, but you can rest assured that things WILL change for the better with time. Isn't that what the Dollars stand for, to say that the world isn't as evil as you think it is?
Just because you're unlucky a few times doesn't mean you're finished. So, just never stop trying to win friends. If you want them, you will surely sooner or later get them. Just be careful when selecting them.
>>19 Oww.. That hurt. I suppose I can't say anything to prove myself. That's for you to decide, Chi-chan.
I only wanted to get close to you. If you think that I too may betray you, (which is quite natural), just consider me a part of your "experiment"! :)

>>25
Your words always inspiring~
Hehehe, well I feel bad at my ex actually...he doesn't have any 'real friend' and I'm just worry about him...he should stop being so manipulative to others...and you're right. I have to take risk...I can't back down jus because of this...I have to try and hold on at least :)

Umm I don't want to experimenting with you Kannon-san. I mean it's...a bad thing to do

:) Thanks for the appreciation! It really means a lot for me. Yeah, don't let others affect you too much. Be independently strong!
:o I didn't actually mean literally experimenting on me. Lol! Besides, it's not bad if the subject is willing, right? Besides that too, experimenting doesn't mean dissecting me or something hehe! (right?) Anyway, if i'm making you feel more than a little uncomfortable, I'll stop this. ;) But i'll still be here in the forums :P
>>27 please use some punctuations lol. Thanks for the compliments, 9.5? Cool :D you're not too bad too hihi!

Ah, I almost forgot, kannon-san sounds so lame lol. Call me just Kannon or maybe Kanna-chaaan!! XD

your name i remember seeing that anime called kannon i watched it in one sitting sorry no spoilers chi chan ok but just a one word hint to show i watched it your word is coma like what chi chan is probably going put you in if you keep it up

I only say that because chi chan is super hero cute little girl flying around with cape on beating up creeps like you your my hero chi chan

What...the...FUCK.

>>28
Umm okay, thanks for helping Chi-chan :)
I appreciate it. :D
But umm...I don't want experimenting...

>>29, >>30
Uhh...what's going on? :o

>>31
Please no swearing...

What up Chi-Chan mah homegirl???XD

Basically everyone on here has great advise. Because of these amazing individuals, I don't have this urge of saying anything more. I will just stress what Colorless, Usagichi, Sid, Kannon, and JNR$. You should try what some of these guys here suggested.

Now I wish to share one of my stories.
I refuse to have a significant other. I can't simply "trust"another person with my feelings, insecurities, and other BS.
I just can't.
Like you Chi-Chan, I have this habit of studying people around me. I am pretty great at holding conversations with everyone so I can make myself look approachable (when needed to, of course).
This is probably gonna sounds really f#cked up, but I only appeal to people if I can use them to gain something valuable.

I have this mask on everytime I am around people. I even have a part of it on around my family too.
This mask allows me to change myself, to appeal to people.. It is one of my greatest assets.
My real friends are the people who manage to break my mask.
It's funny how they manage to shatter my walls and when I think they're gonna hurt me, they prove me wrong by healing me back up.
I hate it when my mask breaks.
But it's worth it because then I know who my real friends are.
Funny how the woman who gave birth to me can't distinguish be from the mask, but my homies can.

Anywho, back to the other point.
I don't want a significant other because they will know everything about me. I am honestly afraid of a person who is closer then my homies knows more then them.

That type of information could possibly be detrimental for me and everyone else.

However, there is a certain fire that friends can't fill. The feeling of lust//love/passion/whatever.
Homies are like a warmth, what I (sometimes) need is fire.
This part is also gonna sounds f#cked up.
Everyone there is a person who's interested in me, I always tell them that I will be loyal but I will not return the feelings. I will use him/her and then discard him/her.
Just to let everyone know, I will not use a boy/girl without letting ths person know what my means are. I refuse to injure a person who has done nothing to me.
That is just wrong.

Moving on, I am perfectly content with flirting with every boy/girl but I do not want him/her to be close to my heart. Cuz of that whole "mask" thing.

I am pretty sure you get what type of person I am so now Emma offer KY advice now (even though previously I said I didn't want to, oh well).

You technically don't need the fire of a significant other FOREVER. But you damn well need the warmth of friends to make sure you don't freeze your heart.

I am not sure if what I do is what you should do, but judging by your Human Observation Skills I think you should consider it.

Because really, with a frozen heart you can't do anything. But with a heart on fire it will only grow and rape and pillage all your hopes and dreams. But with warmth your heart will never freeze nor burn up.

But in the end, you are your own person. That being said, do whatever the hell you pleases to do.

>>35
That's..Seoshi-san, I'm like that too!! Me too...have mask wherever I go, because I don't want people to hurt me. The truth is Chi-chan...wait, some people complain about my style of saying by 3rd person..

The truth is I'm a shy and a loner, I always work on my own. I believe working alone is faster rather than working in group. Even at Dollars, I disguise myself as a cheerful girl #honest#

Because Chi-chan...I mean because I'm scared of not being accepted the way I am. Humans are interesting alright...but once we get in their bad side...they're just like...BOOM..like fireworks. That reality scared me to death, but after some encouragement from Kannon-san, JNR$, Usagichi, Collorless and Sid...I realized I'm wrong.

There's so many thing I'm scared of...I'm scared of my own mask, I'm scared of my own habits, I'm scared of hurting someone...it doesn't make any sense at all, and yet I keep repeating it over and over...

Watching how the mysteries unfold...working in the shadows...I felt like it, "alone is better", "solitude is better", that's what I always think...but I realize when I'm alone...I won't be able to be what I am now...Seoshi-san, your advice are very helpful. I feel better after I see another person that similar with me^^

Except the flirting part...I'm not good at it...

You know, Chi-chan, people come and go.
It is nor hard.
The girl who betrayed you because you were close to a guy she liked was your "friend"? bullshit, she was never your friend.

Think of your friends-betrayals as some situations that you needed in your life so you could grow stronger.

I also had 3 people I trusted most. And they broke their promise and my trust.
But you know, that motivated me to become someone great and make them regret they dumped me and left me behind. I am showing them who is the best and that I just needed them so I could become stronger and motivated.

Minus-chan was just as Chi-chan: naive and easy to fool.
But not anymore. I am Minus now and I'm proud of it.

Stand up. I know is very hard to ever learn to trust anyone, but honestly, I don't care about trusting people of not.
I remember I kept telling myself "Who can I trust? They will all leave eventually."
But then I decided "why should I worry when I can just ignore them?" Once I started ignoring the people who hurt me, I started getting my grades up. I was getting stronger and better. And now, they wish they never left my side. I only trust just one of the 3 that broke me. Because that person really changed. Now that person deserves to be by my side.

Think highly of yourself. If you don't, then people aren't willing to do so.

You know, all I can see now is Sehun of EXO being a self-centered queen who says "PEASANTS" to everyone. XD
His real name is Oh Sehun and there are all those gifs
"Of course I am perfect. I am almighty OH SEHUN" XD
See? That is the self confidence you need to have. He is exagerating sometimes, but you will feel better of yourself.
I managed to get over my dark times with an attitude where I kept judging everyone and made fun of them. But now I'm more like diva-sindrome

http://i.giphy.com/GEn5EJO0mDMpa.gif
http://media.tumblr.com/25552c44445f08df3a5ddcabe285270b/tumblr_inline_n5saum5MqZ1rehnjn.gif

>>37 I agree completely. I was also the exact same way.

Well Starting off with The first question. Trust is basically your faith in someone. Someone you are close to and someone you feel will help you and never harm you. People like that are hard to come by in the beginning of your life, so don't worry. I'm a senior in high school and from what you just told me is painful, but necessary to learn from your mistakes in the end. That boy and your 'best friend' were honestly not worth the time if they broke off the relationships so quickly and ruined your trust. Don't associate with them of her since I assume the boy is no longer in your life, in the end they will see what they have done and regret, as you rise to the top. ;)

Glad to be of service, Chi-Chan.
Anytime. The Dollars are here for you.

Thank you fellow Dollars, I'm touched to see you guys give me encouragement... :)