I hate myself for hating myself. I dislike my parents, no, my whole family, for making me feel that I'm a burden and useless to society and yet I can't bring myself to "hate" them.
I just... feel a certain level of dislike--like a person being annoyed to someone--to them while all the hatred, blame, condemnation, whatever else there are out there are the things I put to myself.

I tried to be useful, really, I tried. Even up until now that everything in our lives seems to be going downhill. But for such simple and trivial mistakes or failures that I make it feels like the world is going to end for them that everything I did before just disappears and all they can see is that one simple mistake I made.

I just find it painful and even discouraging that the people you search for encouragement, for strength, are the ones who ultimately smashes what little confidence and self-worth you have. Just a simple "everything will be alright" would've been enough for me even if they have to scold me for hours, just hearing that would've been enough.

They don't know what's happening inside me, I've been hurting myself for every failure that I've made, telling myself to "just die" for their convenience but I know this isn't the right way.I can't tell them about this, they'll just get mad at me and call me weak or stupid and the self-hate will just go deeper everything will be much more complicated.

I don't know... maybe I really am useless, but still,
I just don't know how to stop feeling/being useless, I don't know how to stop hurting myself, I don't know how to stop hating myself/them, I don't know how to overcome this. I want to but I just don't know--maybe I do know but is just too blind or..sorry.

I'm sorry if this really looks/sounds stupid or if I seem to be ignorant of life. There might be hundreds of posts in here that could answer to mine but really, I just want to let this all out.

So, that's all, have a good day I guess.

It's good to rant. and sometimes I feel like this is the best place to do it. and so here's some advise to you: I myself felt like that too for a time. I wasn't doing enough work in school and I wasn't cleaning enough in the house. I'd make a list of things I was gonna clean in a day and if I didn't get it all done then I failed. and on days I'd do something less noticeable in the house but it was needed ( like laundry) my mom would sometimes come home and ask " what have you been doing all day?" like I didn't do anything. but after a while I started thinking " you know, I've done a lot today even if they can't see it. I'm not going to clean or do homework for them I'll do it because it just needs done." don't focus on not doing enough or not doing things right or the failures. focus on what you can do and how to get to where you're going. It will be all right . and everything will work out.

I´ve felt this way before. I know exactly how you feel. When you look to those people you thought you could trust. The people you thought you could talk to them about anything and ask them for help, but in the end it just ends in more self hate and disappointment in yourself. When you feel pathetic and weak and you just have given up. Where you've gotten to a point so low that it's scary how much you really don't care anymore.

It took me a long time to get over it, but I realized that it wasn't me. It never was me, and let me tell you something, it is definitely NOT you. It's everyone else. Obviously they have their own problems and they tend to take it out on the wrong people. In this case it just happens to be you. I know it's cliche, but everyone makes mistakes, including all of them.

I know it is very very hard, but don't let what they say get to you. When they yell at you or scold you or just continue to remind you about all the things you've done wrong, block it out. Ignore them the best you can, because there are so many more things that you've done right and that you are still doing right. It's so very hard. It's so unbelievable hard, but you are not pathetic, you are not weak, and you are not nothing.

I'm sorry I really can't offer much advice. Everyone handles things differently, but i can only tell you to put on your strongest face and don't let them see you cry anymore. Don't let them see how much it hurts. If they continue to hurt you then they don't aren't allowed to see the damage. You are stronger than them, so don't let them kick you while you're already down. Show them that strength and confidence that I know you still have.

Thank you for all the help, I'll try to be strong and focus on what's important.

you do that!! FIGHT FIGHT!!! :D