There are a few things I'd like to get out of this thread... Advice... Discussion... Points of view... I just want to know what someone would do in my situation. And what people wouldn't do. Or if that someone could change. I'll just get straight to the point.

I'm tired of living and trying... I've tried to fit in so many times. I tried to explain understand my situation and the way I feel. I've tried to not be a waste of space and actually belong. I tried to not be a fuck up like I usually am and not fuck up something that I really care about...

I'd really want to be hanging off a rope... I would be only if it wasn't that I didn't really have the balls... By that I mean that I'm afraid of hurting the people I love, my girlfriend the most. I just can't begin to think what would really happen when I died... She'd probably be brain and heart scared for life... and I don't want to fuck up any more than I have done.

I just don't know weather to keep trying or to end this all for good and not fuck up ever again...

I don't know how this sounds from your point of you but where you're sitting from it's probably 110% different from what I'm trying really to explain.

I understand the way you feel, I've also suffered from the parallels of being caught between two worlds yet not having one if your own, but all I can tell you is do everything you can while your here, hold nothing back and juzt continue to grow. That way, then it is your time to die, you can go with no regrets.

Normally, I would say if you don't want to live, there's no point.
However, you have poeple you have to live for. I completely understand wanting to give up on life, because life sucks. But you have to keep living for the people you love (I'm glad to hear you already know this). I've really wanted to die before, too, but unfortunately for me I couldn't imagine what my family would go through if I did. I know it'll be hard, but hang on a little longer. I know you don't want to, but for the sake of other people, you have to. I can understand that nothing really matters in life so it wouldn't matter if you left all these people behind, but they're still living, even if you die. So, sorry, but I'm not going to let you die.
(If it helps any, playing video games helped me before. Not shooter games, but stuff like Final Fantasy, games where you feel like you're in a completely different world. It's helpful because you don't need to think about real life at all while you're playing. If that helps any.)

Well I felt like that too, up to about two days ago, when I decided that there's no point in just crying all the time and being upset, and so I've tried all sorts of stuff, and just started enjoying myself, really! (umm for me, music, anime/manga, drawing helped me forget what was constantly on my mind too) I did more things which I enjoyed, and as for my anxiety, tried ignoring it. Believing in yourself probably plays a big role in this, so you should totally do that! You're not gonna live forever, so do everything you want while you still can, right? :P Hope that helped, a least a little? :)

Only cowards and weakling give up like that. So what if the shit hit the fan for you? Your still alive and that's the only way anything will change. I once was about to loose everything I had and I had almost given up entirely but I kicked my ass through the fire and it fucking sucked, but I still got to keep my life. Im still working out the kinks but it's going smooth for me again and it can be the same for you. If you want something bad enough you will also find a way to push yourself through it all, you may not like it, you might have to make some sacrifices and it feels like everything is ending for you but you still keep going because you know your stronger than that. If you don't that blows, I hope you got good friends to catch you when you fall, and that's what I feel like we Dollars members do; catch people before they hit the ground. Working like sucks, but you stick around enough then you'll find your peace. I found my moment of peace, but I know that it won't last forever, but im not about to quit now, im ready for the next storm and so should you. "Bring it on life; im the son-of-a-bitch who doesn't know how to quit living or quit smiling" that's what you should become (or some variation of that XD).

I agree with Celestial Envoy. The good doesn't last forever but neither does the bad. If you think you're a waste of space you're wrong. Sometimes being a part of the crowd just isn't for everyone. I think you should embrace the fact that you're different. I think that's what makes the Dollars great a bunch of different people coming together to become a cohesive unit. If you feel like dying you're never going to be able to see what could become a point of strength. I believe that you just need a medium that takes you away games,music,or even helping other people. Nothing is random I believe everything happens for a reason and nobody is worthless. I deal with depression everyday but I know it can always get better it's up to you to make it that way. Remember if just need to talk the Dollars are always here.

If today wasn't good enough then make sure that tomorrow will be better. If you are now tired of living think about those people who live their life for you. You are wasting what they are sacrificing for you. Live and face life with a smile.

Actually, i kind of understand you, not so long ago, i was really deppresed, i thought seriusly of suicide. Im that lonely girl that nobody talks to, and when they do, its just to hit her or insult her. So when she gets home she will have to face a mother crying and two brothers in their own world. Then she would not cry, because she didnt want to hurt her little family. It was like that for 8 years. Then i found someone who was in a situacion like mine, then another one and another one, and i made friends who understood me and they are why im still here today.

I'm sorry if I dont understand what your trying to say "110%" but one thing I want to say is to get your ass up and go go go! I and most of my friends have all had this problem, I would love to just sometimes end it all, but I cant becuase of my friends that suffer from depression and my sister who is scared and my little brother who would have to grow up knowing there was once a sister in his family that he can barely remember, and my parents who would be heartbroken.... but then I think about the people who wanted to live, but died before they got a taste of life. Sooner or later you have to stop trying to fit in.. I don't and my friends will accept the parts they can. If people refuse to accept you, then I will accept you even more! even if you think that you are the biggest fuck up... you're not, read through some of the other personal posts on this site, a lot of us think we're the absolute biggest fuck ups. but one loser exists to help out another loser, K? you can email me if you ever need someone to vent or just to talk to at secretactorhere@gmail.com

I totally understand. I've always been alone, more so than ever now. It's to the point that I hate those around me and myself. The reason why hate everyone is because when they smile it's legitimate, but when I smile it's fake. I have no friends what's so ever and it's because I don't socialize well with others and when I do I normally act like the biggest asshole in the fuckin room. I know it's my fault, I isolated myself but now I'm emotionally burnt out and I want to be apart of the world again. But like I said I normally act like the biggest asshole, I don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm so angry at the world that it's second nature to be an asshole to everyone. I've tried to kill myself three times. I envy you cryptic, because you have sometime to chain you to life but I have nothing.

Must not die...

In my case I lived soooo long and spent my entire life honing my skills. If I just up and die all the crap you have been place to put up to and small things like reading will disappear. Not only that, death removes you the privilege of seeing the things you actually look forward to or protect those things... Death would be admitting defeat and refusing to find the solution or change what displeases you.

Its not easy... But hero's have a lot of responsibility's. If you don't have a hero, become your own support.

I don't think killing yourself would solve much of anything, my suggestion is that you look at the problem and do your best to solve it. When I feel like I am always alone I do my best to strike a conversation with someone, if that person doesn't like you that is their problem and you should try to find someone you can trust the most and talk about the problems you have. A lot of people feel clumsy, but many people will accept you if you try to accept them. So don't admit defeat, face it head on and attack it with your head held high!

Dying won't solve anything. Killing yourself would be the most selfish and inconsiderate thing you've ever done. So what if you fuck up? Everyone makes mistakes. We wouldn't be human if we didn't. Dying just brings pain and sorrow to those around you. The best thing you could do is not give up just because you feel like you're a waste of space for messing up. You have a girlfriend. She's still with you even though you seem to believe everything you've said about yourself for some reason. You shouldn't give up on yourself.

they said everyone have their places, maybe you are just put in the wrong places. try to live on and see how thing goes. there must be a turning point, you just have to wait and see.

“It is not worth the bother of killing yourself, since you always kill yourself too late.”
E. Cioran

Ah, you have the same problem as Chi-chan! A piece of advice from me...find what activity you really love most and devoted to it. Like me...although I must admit, even though I devoted myself to it...I feel something missing...but unlike you, I have no reason to stop living...I'm bored of living. I hope this advice useful for you