My parents haven’t spoken to each other for a month after a huge argument about trust. A lot of things were said that I never knew about, and it’s the first time that my brother and I had to sit through an argument between our parents. This isn’t just another bump in the road, because twenty years of grudges were brought back to the surface, and all everyone does is repress. After the argument, I can’t say that everyone accepted what just happened, but we all happened to press restart. Our parents would talk to us, but never the both of them together. We never eat together, the family TV is never on, and my dad sleeps in our casitas (small house in backyard). This was something between my parents, and has put a huge hole in our family, and I’m just really bothered at the fact that I can’t do anything. I know, people fall apart, especially if there wasn’t foundation built upon trust, and I also know that we all can’t just pretend that this never happened and live as a happy family, which is why I feel so helpless.

I am eighteen, and my brother will be turning twenty tomorrow. We are young adults who just sat there as their parents argued and cried and yelled. I don’t know what it will be like for him to celebrate without his family together, and due to these circumstances, I couldn’t get him a gift. I just realized that nothing will be the same anymore, even if my parents fix things (highly doubt it).

We don’t hate each other, that’s just how it is in a family that doesn’t know one another. We were never really a close family. We sucked at giving each other gifts, we all repressed anger and disappointment, and never could say “I love you”. If such a phrase were said, it would sound forced or like a horrid lie.

I can image my mom saying to my brother on his birthday, “Mommy and Daddy love you guys very much, we just don’t love each other anymore” and I can’t take it. I hope my brother will be strong enough to look past these flaws in our family and enjoy his birth from people who may have loved each other at one point.

But, this helplessness is overwhelming. If my parents split, how will college be, how will life be? My dad does all the cooking and house work, yet has a low income job. My mother is never home due to her demanding job, and goes home exhausted. She gets paid more and is a hard worker, but I am closer to my father who if often too content with life. Imagining either on their own, they would become their own monsters, one a detached workaholic and the other a relaxed man with no goals.

And if my brother and I had to pick… I’m not so sure. I don’t want to face that possibility yet. But we can’t keep living like this, and a façade could only be held up for so long. But what if they don’t split and they go on pretending to either ignore one another’s existence, or pretend that everything is okay?

Many times our family faced a problem usually concerning my brother and I, and everyone somehow overcame it. But, nothing has held out this long and it’s something that my brother and I can fix. I actually never want to be home anymore, and being left alone with my thoughts is bringing up terrible ideas.

How does one deal with helplessness?

bump because i really don't know how to help, but i don't want this to go unanswered...

My family doesn't communicate very well either. But as far as helplessness goes?

The best I can give is that things are going to suck for a while. If it happens, just remember that these are adult making decisions out of their hurt and pain. It's not your fault.

Another option, which would take all the courage you have, and doing it myself would terrify me, is to bring it up with one or both of your parents. Tell them what you think is happening and how you feel. But even if they ignore you, they will have heard what you have to say and you will have done all you can. It's up to you to speak but it is up to them to listen.

If you have any friends, church members, or family members you are close to, speak to them about. Whatever happens you will need support. This is not something you should handle on your own. And don't be afraid to cry if you have to.
And I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are, but I'd suggest prayer as well. It's not like it can hurt right?
I hope this helps, at least a little.

Sounds like all that repression finally came out. If you want to help so much why not just ask them about their hatred towards each other? What's so bad about trying? Go ahead and do it because all you're trying to do is fix your family correct?