Please pull up a chair if you're going to read my thread as this is going to require a long story first; Right now, I'm a sophomore in college & I have some friends that I talk to in & out of college but nobody I ever talk to on a regular basis (a best friend I suppose). I kind of have one but she lives off in Colorado (12 hours from myself). We met around the time I started high school on a social/gaming website, Gaia Online. It was completely by random but we became friends online. I was a very quiet & shy child irl & she kind of was too & even though I'm only a year older than her, it hardly ever felt that way. A few months had passed & I wanted to be more than friends so I sent her my number & we started texting & dating. We sent a single photo of ourselves to see if we were really who we said we were. That was the first time I saw her face. At one point we even called each other & I heard her voice for the first time. Later in time, we broke up our little online relationship & moved on for a couple of years, still keeping in cautious contact with each other only to start dating each other again during her sophomore year. We had sent other photos of ourselves & I've kept them just for the sake of memories. We finally skyped for the first time & I actually saw her as the person she really was. But then she told me she wanted to go to Taiwan for her entire junior year & of course I supported her. I cared about her happiness. But with almost no possibility of communication while she was there, I let her go a couple of months before so she could really enjoy her time there. Towards the end of my senior year/her junior year, we made contact again while she was in Taiwan. She was so happy there, away from her small town & I was glad for her. And in that summer when she returned, she wasn't the same shy, anime-loving girl that I knew. She was more confidant, more proud & a little more bold. I was so proud & happy for her then too. I wanted become more like her; a better person than myself. That same year (last year I suppose), this girl I went to high school with broke up with me when we had a bad argument at the beginning of December. By the time I started the 2nd semester, I was depressed because i realized I hadn't made any progress with myself in life or with figuring out what I want to do later in life & I was all alone. I couldn't tell my family or what little friends I had how I felt. So I turned to Her & told her about all the times I was sad & depressed, I even told her things I wouldn't dare share with anybody else because I trust her so much. That's when I started to really develope feelings for Her. We texted each other, we used Skype a few times, we really stayed in contact when we could. All throughout our time together, we never once argued with each other & got really upset at the other. This past summer, I finally got to visit her while my family was on vacation. I was so excited & I wanted to tell her how I felt about her for the whole day I was there. But I was too shy again...I was so quiet the whole time & she could talk to anyone around her with ease, even to my family. I was beyond upset when I had to leave & get on with the vacation. My parents could tell I was kinda sad & I told them I liked her. They said it was ok, that it was only the first visit & it probably wasn't the right time to do it. They really liked her though, they said she was pretty & very nice/polite. I still felt terrible that I didn't tell her though, so I texted her later that night how I felt & she was very nice about telling me she wasn't sure how she felt. Then, a couple weeks before I started my second year & she started her first year at a college close to her home, she started talking to an old friend she went to elementary school with. Apparently, his hometown is right next to mine & he went to high school over here & was back her town for a while. She told me she was catching up with him, going to lunches & meeting his friends. I still tried to make my feelings apparent to her but I found out that they had became a couple the day before she started college. She told me he asked her to be his girlfriend & I was just devasted so badly that I might have cried once. I became very depressed again. This time, it wasn't just because of I had zero confidence & still didn't know what to do with my life or that my new part time job was wearing me down as I lost more sleep than usual, but also because I lost her & had felt more alone than ever. I barely talked to her within the passing months, no Skype calls either. I wanted her to be happy & still do. It's just that part of me wants to be the one to make her happy...so then last week, I heard her boyfriend broke up with her & I asked if she was ok. She was so upset that it kind of broke my heart a little bit. He apparently felt depressed & missed his friends back in his hometown & decide to move back here & broke up with her because of that. I didn't understand his need to break up with her when they could always keep in touch long distance-wise like I have. I tried to console her but inside, a small part of me thought maybe I could win her back somehow. I hated feeling that way while she was in pain yet couldn't help it. 2 days later though, she told me she wrote him a letter & sent it to me to read over Skype. I read it & lost all hope. It was a long letter filled with passion & love & I knew she meant every word of it. He told her he loved her, & she loved him back. I thought that there was no way I would ever be able to make her that happy & do all those things with her, the loser & confidentless person that I am. It moved me so emotionally, so painfully, that I, being the little writer that I am, wrote a poem about her loss & mine. Now, with him back at his home & Her, still at her college, I have no idea what to do anymore. I've shared so much with Her over the years & have never met anyone so passionate, kind, caring, & understanding as Her. She means so much to me & I still want her to find happiness & love. I just wish that I could be the one to give her all of those things & be there for her instead of being miles away. It might be love that I feel for her, it might be obsession, I don't know. All I know is that she is one of a kind & that she deserves so much more...What on earth should I do at this point? (Also, I apologize for the insanely long thread post, I'm very terrible at summarizing things)

Okay not even joking here learn how to use the enter button every now and again

You should keep going forward! :) You are in control of your life so you know what will make you happy! There is this guy I have heard about where he liked this girl so much he moved out of state and went to college in that state for this girl, only later for them to break up later. It left him in a foreign place with no one to talk to because he didn't have any friends there. He was devastated and really depressed but you know what he did? He kept going! He had a hard time balancing his life with him not doing too well in school and not putting much effort into his job, but he took control of his life, looked at his experience as a lesson and attempted to make himself happy, which worked really well!
What I'm getting at is that you shouldn't let her get you down! As cliche as it is, there are other girls similar to her out there! Use her as a guide. You want to be more like her right? So start talking to more people! I'm pretty shy myself, and I hate speaking to people I don't know (and I don't have the courage to admit feelings to someone I like like you did, which I really admire by the way!) but I push my feelings aside, the shy ones, and without thinking, I say hi! But that's easier said than done! Conversation is terribly hard for me, and I can't hold one, but I try to find common ground with people. If you're in class, maybe talk about the subject or maybe what your major is going to be and hobbies you like. Also go out and volunteer! It's a fresh start and people you volunteer with most likely won't know you and it'll be easier to talk to people like that because you are completely new to them! You just have to remember that you have to put yourself out there like she did!
I'm not too great with advice, and I'm sure this was everywhere, but in the end, this is life... I hate how harsh that is, but most of the time, people have to adapt and move on. Focus your energies on things you like to do! join clubs and things of that nature and you'll eventually get your end result! Set your goals and write them down, then put them in places you look at everyday (bathroom mirror, bedroom door) to remind yourself of them so you can think about ways you'll accomplish them by doing things related to them each day. :) Just hang in there and keep moving in the direction you want your life to go!
Sorry if this didn't help at all!

It kind of helps...I mean, I would like to write books & such as a creative writer but that kind of thing seems to be more of a hobby until i can get a book or something published so maybe a literature or English professor...idk yet.
But even then, I wish we weren't so far away. Then maybe I'd have a better chance of being with her or telling her how I feel in person. I want to know what she thinks of me & even though it's unrealistic, I still think she's really unique & special. I know at one point I should move on too but I feel like she'd be worth the wait in the end. She's always been important to me & like I said, I've shared every little thing about myself with her, even some of the darker stuff I never share with anyone else. To me, there's no replacing someone like that in life

Don't get me wrong though, I do greatly appreciate your help

Well you have time to play around and test the waters right? I'm still trying to figure out what I really want to do too and what I'm messing around with really seems like a hobby too.

Well I understand! Just don't have your hopes too high so you have room to expect the unexpected if that makes sense! If you really think she is worth the wait, then when you see her in person, be yourself! Do not be someone you are not! If you want to be with her long term, which I think you really do, you have to be able to be what you act long term if that makes sense!

Also, your goal is to be closer distance wise as well as relationship wise right? So make plans and save up so when you can visit with the money and courage you have saved and created, you can tell her straight up! Each cent you put into savings is one step closer to your wishes! But do be open minded to others out there!

I suppose, but I also need to decide where I want to go for the next 2 years of college (I got to a two-year community college is why)so that presents an issue I guess. You're right though, there are other things I was interested in doing at one point but decided against it at another point.

It's true that I shouldn't have high hopes either...I just don't know how to not keep my expectations up there, ya know? I feel like she could be "the one" and part of me can't shake that off for some reason. I really do want to be with her and make her happy and be myself. I don't want to be someone I'm not either, I try really hard not to be...I just don't exactly know who I entirely am yet I suppose.

Yeah, I want to be closer to her in distance & in relations. I'm trying to save money, the bigger issue for me is when I can get the time off to see her. My part time job always has me scheduled to work most days on the weekend & late on weeknights. I've already had some days off (can't recall why) but I still want to see her, even with a 12 hour drive in between us. I still wish we didn't live so far away from each other though.

Oh yeah, that does pose a problem. :c The next 2 years are for the rest of your core classes? I'm new to all this college stuff, which I need to familiarize myself with very very soon, so sorry for the ignorance! If they are core, just look for a good, cheap school! But that means you'd have to transfer again... Ah that is something to think about... That sucks that you have so much on your mind right now and so much you have to do. Do you have a mini escape? Like something to get your mind of things for a little while? For example, my escape is YouTube videos from a group called The Creatures. Even though I have persisting problems that I have to deal with sooner or later, it just decreases my stress.

I understand! My expectations are high on most things and I don't know how to lower them. I wish I really knew the answer to that. I'm glad you see things that way! I think we all don't really know who we are entirely. We learn new things about ourselves quite often. I think it has to do with what path we decide to take in the short run that affects us in the long run that changes our personality. It really is hard to not be yourself now that I think about it...

Wow that must be hard and irritating. It's like she has to be on your schedule for you to see her after you get money saved up. Don't you have to let your work know at least 2 weeks in advance that you're taking off?
IDEA! Maybe you guys could meet each other half way? Like you guys could find a place to meet up in between her house and yours? Or is it more complicated than that? :c

It's alright, I have some ideas of where I want to go I guess, nothing for sure though. It's funny that you mention the YouTube videos & The Creatures because I do watch some LP YouTubers & I happen to watch Chilled Chaos & the Derp Crew a lot.
Couldn't have said it better myself on that one.
Yeah, time is not on our side, mine in particular. You do have to let them know 2 or more weeks in advance as well. Unfortunately it is more complicated: she doesn't have a license or even a permit. She gets around on public transportation for free most of time (as far as local destinations go) but we've still discussed visiting each other before she started seeing the other guy...I do want to take the opportunity to wish you good luck & best wishes for college though, it should be a new & interesting experience but you'll get used to college life within the first couple of weeks