I am not one to normally speak out about things, particularly how I feel but I believe I need some help, or even explanation aha.

I finished high school last year, I thought about going to university. However it became apparent that there wasn't really anything I wanted to do, I thought "Maybe I should just do something to get a good job." however I couldn't face the fact id be paying $80,000+ and 4 years for a course that may not even get me a job. I decided to go to work, and ive got a great paying job, I mean great. $40 an hour, 6 days a week 8 hour days, Saturday is double time so I get $80 a week, after tax and ect. I get $1800+. I have a beautiful girlfriend, who legitimately loves me and who I love back, a supportive family, lots of close and loyal friends, shelter etc. I cant get happy. I try constantly but it gets me nowhere. I thought once I got a job and money life would get better but honestly money isn't even an incentive anymore, I feel so empty and I always think about what I want to do for the future. I saw on the news, and after looking into it ive confirmed that doing a bachelor in university is proven to be the equivalent of water. So many people have one there isn't enough jobs to for them, there are people with PhD's working in McDonalds, So I thought "Hey? what about a masters." which is, $100,000 on top of the $80,000, plus an additional 4-6 years with no promise of getting a job in that field, which I might add, I don't even want to enter. I don't know what makes me happy, even my old hobbies and etc fail to distract me from this pointless life. I thought of traveling but honestly theres no point. It seems the only way to live is on that permanent repeat of mindless bullshit go to school, graduate, study, work, work, work, family, work, work, work, work, retire, stare at a wall for 15 years and die old, and that's if you're "lucky" Sorry but you can count me out. That isn't appealing in the slightest, I feel so old and dead inside. Im only 18 for fucks sake. Ive talked to my docter and my family about me concerns and they all say the same thing "Youre only young etc etc" But they aren't happy. All these people who claim to have lived aren't happy, you can see it they're just as depressed as I am, yet im meant to take there word on it? Im meant to just agree with them that it will all get better and ill find something worth living for? because honestly if this is how life is, I don't want to live. This world is full of fucking scum and brain dead sacks of shit I don't want to be another zombie mindlessly living. People say "then don't, go and live, have fun, etc" but its not possible. So I just sit here talking to people who, don't even know me and claim to care and actually know what to do, but truth is I don't think any of you know either, and I think you all have the same feelings in one way or another.

$80 an hour not week.*

well, this site never get boring :D, yeah, It's true, I don't care what happen to you, and you don't care what happen to me, so....I asked myseft the same question too, what the point of living?, and you know what, with me, this world is completely pointless, go and live?, what is live anyways, BUT, but, i simply accept it, so i'm telling you to continue living as a zombie mindlessly living?, I already found the reason to live, to feel, to chase the dream, to keep the beautiful things left in this world, what about you?, I can't....., no no, probably, I don't help you find it, It's all your matter right? WE are just another trashs in this giant garbage dump of god after all

>>3 well you migh not care, but I do. Alot of people DO care. That's why so many of us are attracted to this site. Life is a pain in the ass, sure. But as to it being pointless, I can't agree. Life can have so much meaning! It just depends on how you choose to look at it. Personally, I love beauty. Beauty in music, art, nature, performances, litrature. And if I had never lived, despite all the bad, I would have never been able to see that beauty. As pointless as everything seems there is Always something worth it all. Some people just need to find that something. I hate my job, but it gets me money that I can then spend to buy my nephew a new toy. That toy with make him smile with such happiness that makes ten of the worse days at work completely worth it! I would do anything for that smile. Find "your smile" and all your hardships will be worth it.

I do feel the not knowing what you want to do with your life though. Still trying to figure that put myself.

I'm in the same boat. I really am. With the graduating and the fumbling through my life. Only see I don't have a great job :) It hits me too, how incredibly pointless everything is. I can't stand the thought of a mindless life full of work, work, work, then school, school, work, marriage, kids, work, work, death. It sickens me. I had SO MANY great people in my life, such great opportunity (much like yourself), but I couldn't find "happiness". "What CAN it even mean?" I would think. What was the point?! I couldn't find any joy in any f the things I used to like. I couldn't even understand what I wanted or what I liked, WHY I even liked those things before!
And so I went out and sought adventure. I went out and sought happiness. It sounds extremely cliche, but you gotta start small. Just think about your girlfriend. Isn't she wonderful? Isn't it great that she's there? Think about your job. Isn't it great you have one? Just be grateful for the little things, it'll get better. Think about how you have a place to stay, how you have food and such and such. And hey don't compare yourself to others. It's so hard after just getting out of High School. All these people DOING things and BECOMING things and they look like they're having SO MUCH fun and then there's you...well me. Sitting there doing nothing.
See, I realized that people all have their own beats, they all have their own thing. Makes the world exciting and diverse! You don't HAVE to go straight to college after High School. Or work. You can do ANYTHING! If you can't find something that appeals to you, try something else. Just go ahead and try stuff. Don't judge it before you've tried it! (and be safe, you know :D). I mean what have you got to lose?
I know I am mostly rambling. If you've gotten this far, well...thank you :)
Honestly, you've probably heard this a million times, but...it's all up to you. You can do this. You've got this. Just keep going.
Hey, I'm not saying that positivism and new things will make it easier. If anything it'll be harder to stay that way,but it WILL make it better.
Wow....lots of rambling.....hope you got something good out of that, if not? I can try again 'till you do :D

Yeah I graduated from High School last year as well. I felt pressured into going to a community college cause everyone say's the best chances of having a normal life is by going to college. I understand now that I don't want a normal life. I want an extraordinary life, filled with fun most of the time. It's important that you get in tuned with your inner child. Your inner child knows where you want be. Right now you're living in someone else's idea of how life should be. (Go to college, get the dream job, a house, car, marriage and kids.) I'm willing to bet that's not your true idea of how life should be. The world only is how you chose to see it. Take charge of your perspective and you will find a way. Never underestimate the power of your mind. I just want you to know you were lied to. Get rid of the outside voices that lead you astray. Listen your intuition, it's your heart and soul showing you the way. I'm so happy for your bright future. Remember at the end of the day, it's all about who had the most fun.

Understand the four Levels of Consciousness

1. The drone- Wakes up early, goes to work, eats, goes back to sleep and this all over again every day.

2. Artist- A person in tune with their feeling and is manifesting them physically.

3. Alchemist- The person who manipulates their emotions/perspective to their advantage.

4. Magician- The creator of his or her own world.


Find out where you are on this map of consciousness. It can help you get to where you want to be. This what I've learned so far and I hope it helps you my friend.

Wow...that was very inspiring. I am brilliantly inspired, though you know what? I don't think "fun" is the purpose of life. It should definitely play a big role in life, but hey there should be a healthy balance between finding your inner child and growing up, right?
I am actually asking because I can't seem to find that balance. What does that even mean?

P.S. Whoa..sorry still Inari here.
How did my name change?