i feel better when i get to help people. but it pains me when people praise me. it´s like an inner darkness that lives there and things that should make me feel more important is just getting blocked. and every phrase is just bullshit for me.
and it feels like i get stabbed with a knife i hear the word love. am i scared for falling in love? i honestly don´t know anymore. but one thing i do understand is that this feeling i have inside isin´t supposed to be there. i should be happy with what i have. but i can´t feel happy for the fullest and that makes me feel even worse. i´m not saying that i´m depressed or anything. i am smiling and laughing and it´s never been faked. but i can´t get rid off this feeling inside. i guess i´t could be explained with what happened for me before in my childhood..
my mother is a foreigner and i weren't allowed to learn the language my mother spoke. so i were just left there on a bed with a drunk father on top of me. and at the same time i was bullied at school and i did not have any friends. i felt so alone. and ignored. i lived like that for 10years. i´m 16 now and i´m living in a foster family. i got many scars. and i should move on. but it´s so hard to forget someone that gave me so much to remember.

Don´t try to forget just accept it. It´s not easy but you can´t just forget something so painful. Concentrate on your current situation.

That sounds like my old life. I was bullied a lot to still am. I was devastated when my parents told me and my brothers they were getting a divorce. I felt like it was all my fault, I felt alone so I tried to a cool kid in kindergarten but I just felt empty inside. Then I started to to get bullied it was always the same boys they'd make fun of me just for liking pokemon and things at home weren't any better my brothers became totally different people they'd hurt me for no reason. But now I have loads of friends and they accept me for who I am not what I look or act like so what I'm trying to say is things are going to get better!

>>1 I'm not sure if this is the same thing but I don't like getting praise either but I think it might be for different reasons. I feel like praise and encouragement are simply used too much and have lost there meaning. So it's not that I don't like praise but rather that I don't consider any of the normal "praise" that I get as meaningful and just consider them as words that people spout as part of a habit or ritual. I consider manners in the same way, like saying thank you or please has no meaning but people just want it to be said anyway and pretend it actually means something.
With love I think that you might have just seen love done wrong so many times that you might be too scared to not see it done right again. Maybe that's just me. But I think that's something that you need to be really careful with anyway.

I know how you fee, but I feel a little happiness in what I did was good. though I hate to be pitted on... I don't know why, its just I want to be me and not looked down on. (though I am short) I am happy to get some praise because it makes me feel somewhat important. There are somethings I can't don't and won't forget because it is my life, what happened happened. I did't have the best beginning in life. My mother was a drinker, smoker, and another word at times, but I still love her. I never knew my father. Somethings would get crazy but I'm in a different spot with a better family. I should be great full but... Its not like that because its slowly falling apart. And I agree with foreversight on this.