A rather lot lately i find my depression and negativity and anxiety start up. Its really shitty cuz everything said to me or small things i see have a negative impact and i feel like people only pretend to be nice to me.
It has been especially bad since a month ago i found out the person i trusted most was complaining about me. It makes me want to just keep to myself, but when i keep my feelings to myself i become a wreck.
I'm at a point where i dont even know what im supposed to do to be happy.
Having no control over my moods is bad.
Sometimes i laugh, but will start crying because its so hard.
I just feel small and i guess im pretty angry too at the people who are just breaking me more

The problem is, you rely too much on others. People can be nice, but they also have their limits and complaining is a way to release their frustration so that they could keep being nice to someone who needs help. But you already tried to keep your feelings to yourself and it didn't work, so it can't be helped.
You need someone to talk to, to share your problems but you also need to become stronger. But there's no need to blame yourself, because humans are weak, and because they are weak, they need to rely on others to become strong.
Well if you have no one to share your problems with and who would listen to you, I can listen to you.

Look into some sort of anti depressant. I hear they can actually really help. So try that out and it that can at least help with how you feel emotionally overall. You can worry about the other stuff after