Recently, I feel that my friends see my presence as a bother to them. Every word I say, every action I do, I feel like it's only bothering them, as if the words "just shut up" are being silently uttered. When we are together in school, it's me who is being left out of conversations, it's me who isn't filled in with details of hang outs that are being planned and it's me who is left behind when we walk together, them not even sparing a glance at me who is behind them. They don't even think twice before leaving me for another friend. They use me for their own personal use. The topics I want to talk about are being pushed away and they just talk about what they want to talk. Other times, it's as if I don't even exist. Even with them who I call 'friends', I feel really lonely, the thought "am I even needed?" always going through my mind. Sometimes I just think, perhaps, it's best if I just become a shadow who no one even knows exist. I really don't know what to do or think anymore...

Hey, Mushoku. Just so you know, everyone has felt the way you have. It's just a matter of not having found the right people to call your friends yet. Sometimes people outgrow each other, and it's a normal part of growing up. I wouldn't even recognize most of my 'friends' from high school if i bumped into them today. One day you'll find someone who you just 'click' with. Until then, don't take your current comrades short attention span to heart. Everyone feels awkward around each other, it's just a matter of finding the right awkward.

But what I would recommend, is maybe it's time to broaden your horizon, look for other students who seem to feel the same as you, two third-wheels can make a functional bicycle. Don't be afraid to take chances.

But if you still feel like disappearing, don't be a afraid to call your local help lines, sometimes it's nice to know someone is listening. :)
Here's a few
Lifeline (USA) 1-800-273-8255
Kids Help Phone (under 21 years of age Canada only) 1-800-668-6868
Good2Talk (post secondary students Canada only) 1-866-925-5454

Sometimes people just don`t go together. There`s a lot of different kinds of people, and some of these don`t mix. It can be difficult sometimes to find others similar to you, but with all the people out there, there`s a ton of people who would be better friends than these guys. You can find people everywhere you look, and those people are probably going to have at least something in common with you, or something that would make them a good friend. Sometimes it just helps to walk up to someone and try starting a conversation with them. I guess you can`t do much worse than the people you hang around with now, so good luck!

They're not really your friends Mushoku.
Listen to matryoshka.

And also go see a therapist. You may be suffering from cognitive distortions caused by depression. Maybe you'll find out that everything you think is happening to you is just an illusion. Worth a try.

Take care