Overall, you can say that I have a good life. Not to brag or to boast, but my life has had little drama or disturbance.
I have no allergies, the most damage my body has received are just scrapes on the knees. I have never broken a bone, my family are together, our household receives a high amount of income, my grades are good, I have a good few friends and I'm neither popular or unpopular.

There's just something that I feel is... wrong?
I'm fifteen and I don't know if I am actually looking for advice, perhaps I'm just trying to let it out or maybe discover something, so apologies if this post is bothersome and insignificant to some of you.

Carrying on—for those who seem to have a lot of time on their hands or are actually interested in this—I actually feel very contradictory the majority of the time. Mostly, I live my current life focusing on earning good grades and keeping a good school reputation to increase the chance of having a successful career in the future - to survive in the society of today. Also, I feel that I try to live my life happily, to the fullest - sometimes, it feels nice, other times, it doesn't seem worth it.

99% of the time I feel no attachment to this world. If I were to die, I don't think I would worry too much - there have been cases where I've been near death and thought this way. The only times where I feel that I don't want to die is if I would have died at that moment with a shameful image. Apart from that, I feel that death is a long lost friend I wouldn't mind meeting again at any moment. If life chooses to hang on to me still, again I don't particularly care, so be it.

I actually have a lot more in my mind but it's hard to condense into words and I feel that this post is already quite long.

Thank you, if any, whoever you are, for reading. It feels less suffocating releasing these thoughts.

I might not be able to give you advice but I actually enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing.

>>1 what you describe as an unattachement to this world, can probably be describe as a lack of purpose. A "purpose" is basically anything that makes life on earth worth living in. It can be a relationship to another human being, or even a pet. It can also be an activity that you enjoy, or an action that you like to perform that gives you fulfillment, like bringing smiles to other people's faces. It can also be the future itself, a dream, a goal, an unsolved puzzle, or an unanswered question. It can even be finding yourself.
Some people can discover their purpose at an early age and build upon it as they grow older, for others, finding it may take more time, you're fifteen and not knowing what you want out of life at that age is fairly common.
My advice to you is to try new (safety first) things, meet new people, do nice things, research things that interest you, etc. You can even just do nothing new and eventually something may cross your path.
This is just my interpretation but I hope that it helps you. Good luck! :3

OP, I can relate to your purposeless feelings. (At least, I too believe that is what you're experiencing...) But I cannot relate to trying very hard in... anything, really.
I was a terrible student and just barely graduated. I didn't get in trouble or go out of my way to do any wrong, but I didn't try to be on my best behavior.
And frankly, there were times when I was just so... Fucking BORED with my life that I wanted to die.
Yes, BORED.
The only thing keeping me hanging on to life was obsessing and day dreaming over things I hoped would happen to me, no matter how unrealistic they were.
Then I met my partner junior year. We've been together since, and things seem less boring.
You know, until I realize I fell into another damn routine. I need meaning. I need action. I need more than just sitting around and getting fat, you know?
I don't know what I can say to you, really. But I can relate.

Thank you for all your replies.
This purposelessness you people speak of slightly clears my mind relating to the state I'm in.
In the past, I have had small hobbies and interests that entertained me but it was only temporary before I felt... empty? I suppose, again.
I'll see what will happen in the future and hopefully something will change for the better.
I'm very glad that some of you can relate ^-^
I am mostly writing this to show my appreciation for your replies. Thank you.

A lot of what I would say has been said and I too relate a lot to what you were saying. There is one thing I would like to add because even though I would say I'm empty and all I feel like there's a better word for how I go about life. I just feel blank. I go on with life and do what's expected of me but I don't really have any emotions or anything else to go with it. I just feel blank because I don't even think at all when I'm like this. I'm not turning into a robot or anything but it's a weird feeling so I'm wondering if it applies to you here.
I don't really know what else I should say though, there's too many factors and things connected to each other so my brain gets really confused from things like this. But what you said about death was really familiar to me. I like how since you're just seeing where life takes you it's not suicidal thoughts but rather not minding either way. You got nothing to lose I guess. I dunno but that really interested me for some reason.
One last thing though. Would you say you're apathetic (I'm not sure if that's a negative word but I think you get what I mean)?

>>6
Apathetic? Sure, to some things. Even though I am apathetic towards the idea of either being dead or alive, I am not apathetic to everything.
Being an average teenage girl, in reality, I concern myself with my studies, reputation, and relationships as a part of surviving in this society. However, things such as romance I do not care for.
I find it hard to explain.
My lack of care is similar to riding the winds and letting it take me away. If it were to blow me off a cliff, then so be it. But, if it were to blow me into a pit of thorns, then I would fight against it.

>>7 If you don't mind whether you live or die then how can you care about things that you'd have to be alive to do? It seems contradictory but I realised this is probably meant to be looked at as two different things then I guess. You caring about normal teenage stuff is smaller scale I think. I really don't know how to explain this. Something like question 1 is whether you live or die and if you end up with live then you move to question 2 which is where you care about other stuff. They're on different scales is what I'm trying to say so since you don't mind which way the highest one up is I would still see you as apathetic to everything in a way, just in a different way to someone who doesn't care about lower scale things. I probably rambled on way too long there.
But anyway I find you really interesting. However, I'm not sure if just going with the flow is how we are meant to go about this. I don't know how it works though and I guess things that we learn always kinda "just happen." I dunno where things like that and fate go in reality but I guess I'll just have to wait and find out :D. But I'd like to here your thoughts on other things too since it looks like you've got a lot to say so I hope I see you around the dollars again sometime. See ya ^^

Hm, I think I can slightly understand the perspective you are trying to portray. It is quite an interesting one at that and one which myself as well can relate to.
>>8 I believe what the person is trying to convey is similar to how one would think of travelling. Perhaps one does not care whether or not to travel(live life) however if said one did end up travelling, it does not mean that they do not care what the journey of travelling would be like.

Anyhow, I very much enjoyed this thread. Thank you for the pleasant read.

>>9 Yeah that's it. Man I'm so bad at explaining things and drawing comparisons.
I agree though. I'm so glad that people like this exist. I live in such a close minded environment that I used to think I was a lone thinker in this world, or something like that. It's really given me hope that there's interesting people out there ^^

The world is an interesting place. The part which you happen to roam perhaps isn't but the world is large. Very large.

My area is not close minded however not particularly open-minded either; topics of conversations tend to be very superficial. I have none but one acquaintance who I can slightly relate to.

As forlorn as it can be, I am pleased that the internet exists so that I can interact with different people such as yourselves.

I think you've expressed yourself very well.

i wonder if i should be giving you advice because i'm a person who feels very intensely about living life. But at the same time i was in your position.

It's easy to advise you to try to find something you like and be passionate about it. But there is one thing i found more effective.

Do things for others. Help those who could use it. That homeless guy on the street you see often? Buy him something to eat. Every day if you can. Smile at him, he could use it. The person at work/school? They look stressed out? Give them a hi five and tell them what a good job they did.

Focus your attention away from yourself. Just for a little bit. Then come back and analyse your situation later. It'll suprise you how different it feels.

Not to offend you or anything bad, but from reading what you said, it says that you have a strong independent personality. That's fine, considering how society is today, but that doesn't mean that you should care about what's going on around you. There's a time when you'll want to become different, a time when your daily routine of independence is going against your life towards success.

>>13
That's quite ironic.
My username: 'Muzoshoku' is actually a Japanese word which I found which means independent.

Thank you everyone for the advise and I'll try improve my ways.