(Warning: post is long and a little emo...)
Hey guys my name is Kaye and I really wanted some help on something..

You see I find it very difficult to put my trust on people. Not that I think they're suspicious or anything. You probably think I'm not making any sense..

We'll it all started in fourth grade. I had a bestfriend back then. She and I were always together, during lunch, gym class and even going home. But when I got top marks in our class she started insulting me. It all came down to the point where she took advantage of our friendship and forced me to lower my grades. She said we wouldn't be friends anymore if I always had top marks.

I was scared to lose her so I did just that. We often wrote notes to each other in class and one day my mom found one of the notes in my bag. The note contained one of her threats. All I can say, my mom was furious. My mom went to our teacher and told her about the notes. My bestfriend was given detention for that and since then she never spoke to me.

One day she did but that ended with her humiliating me in front of the class. I cried all night but I didn't tell my parents anything.

After that I found it very difficult to trust people. I kept telling myself that she wasn't really my friend and that I should be friends with people I can trust and people who won't take advantage of me.

My problem is, I don't know how to classify people around me as friends. Whenever I spend time with classmates, I just don't feel as if they're my friends. I guess I'm scared that if I do accept them as friends, they'll betray me again.

I don't know who my friends are... Even though I have people who hang out with me... I still don't trust them... How can I learn to trust again? I cry whenever I think about this. I feel like even though they care about me... I don't feel the same way... I just... Don't care about them... Nor do I call them my friends out loud or even to myself....

Am I a horrible person? Or maybe I just have so many problems... Should I tell them this? That I don't think they're my friends...

What is friendship? I guess ever since my former bestfriend did that... I forgot what friendship is... Or did I even know what it was to begin with?

Sorry about the long post.... And thanks to the people who took their time to read this...

Hello (lol dunno if this is a good way to start but im going to try my best to help you out).

Well, all I can say from now is, you're not horrible! Its just your what-you-called "bestfriend" who has a problem -_-. She's not the only person in the world who uses their best buds like a tool. Friendship is accepting who each other are, and them being proud of you getting on top.

Hopefully I have been helpful even just one bit ^^ I'm in the computer library in our school and was bored and checked here. Haha xD

Well,I went through a similar experience like you before and I know how much it hurts when someone close to you betrays you and how hard is to trust someone again after an incident like this.

My advice is to continue hanging out with your classmates.I'm sure some situations where you can test them will appear.Just try to observe them and compare their actions with what do you think a friend should do.If they match your expectations,then it might be worth opening up a little to them.

After some time passes,I'm sure at least one of them can be trusted.Humans are sociable beings and need people by their side.

Hope I helped you! ^^

Thanks a lot for both of your advices.. I'm really happy!!
Yeah I guess I'll try to open up to others and maybe someday I get to call them my friends!!

:))) oh p.s that girl who was my so-called-bestfriend has already apologized to me in the past and I don't hate her nor am I mad at her... I just can't trust her... Haha :( again with my trust issues....

I'm glad that you have moved forward in life.

Really, just follow what your heart tells you. You cannot and should not distance yourself from others. You are going to have to be around people for the rest of your life, so enjoy them for what they are.