So there were a few problems I had, where a guy liked me and I didn't return their feelings (I am simply not looking for a relationship). But I am being told a lot that I lead these people on and then drop them. I do have a nice personality where I don't like to be rude and put others first. I do not intentionally flirt or understand how to flirt, but some people get angry at me telling me that I am too flirtatious with these people. Am I? Sure I try to be polite and hold nice conversation, but I just want to be considerate. And it's always my fault when a guy embarrasses me or is constantly pursuing me because I "lead them on". Is there something I need to change?

Honestly, I can't say if you're leading them on. I know some people irl who are simply too nice and it comes off as flirting. I'd tell the guy(s) straight up that you just aren't looking for a relationship, if you can work up the nerve to.

You've said that you're not looking for a relationship, do not intentionally flirt, or even know how to go about it. It sounds like other people are just misinterpreting you.
So no, you aren't at fault, and there isn't anything you need to change. The people around you should be able to accept 'no' for an answer and move on without trying to make you feel guilty.

I'm exactly the same way and I often hate myself for being "too nice" It's something that can't be helped no matter what you do. I don't want a relationship. The best thing you can do is try to make it apparent you'd just be fine with a friendship. Maybe being casual and ignoring any moves made, they should get the hint eventually.

>>1 yes I know this feeling too. They are misinterpreting you and you are not at fault as said before. Don't let these people guilt trip you for being a kind person. Keep being a nice person, there aren't too many left. :3

Sarah,

If you are not intending to lead these guys on then you are doing nothing wrong. That being said, men interpret what you say, the manner you portray, etc. in a very odd way. They will take that sincerity, kindness, non-judgmental attitude as a green light to pursue. And if the lady does not have those features, rather she's distant, independent, opinionated? She's then considered, a "bitch." Why? 'Cause men just want to bone. It's in their nature; to impregnate; make as many of themselves as they can. 'Cause they think they've got complete obligation to claim women as "property." If they can't, they will find it offensive, quite frankly. And they're only way of solving that is to dehumanize that person they can't fuck.

LOGIC.

You or someone may say, "but not all men are like that." Like I haven't heard that before. I'm not claiming it as false. Although, I highly doubt any girl in their right mind would throw themselves at any charming guy who tells you what you want to hear just to get into your pants. In hopes of obtaining that financially stable life, raising a normal/happy family, and all the good stuff, know what I mean? That's like 1 in 1000 or less? Either way, it's a chance. Kinda like Russian Roulette, not all the chambers are loaded, go ahead, pull the trigger. You are literally risking the rest of your life on that chance.

In the end, just do you. Their opinions are irrelevant. You don't like 'em, shut them down, embarrass them rather yourself. Who gives a damn, they'll get over it. If the can't handle the truth? Well.. fuckboys will be fuckboys.

- YITMAS

Do that guy, and others, even respect you, or do they see you as nothing more than a hunting game ? The way they speak of you, I'd say these guys had only one goal and got misled by themselves.

>>6 I'm pretty sure I just rolled my eyes hard enough to make them bleed.

I had the same problem, it's because you're charming and polite but isn't the same as flirting at all. People aren't usually that nice to others so they feel like you're hitting on them. Just continue what you do. If they feel like you're hitting on them just walk away. I got tired of that so just to not be rude but to give them a hint just walk away or tell them to pause heads up I'm not looking for anyone I'm just being friendly basically. That's it. If they don't like it too bad don't push yourself to have someone understand they would come back if they felt they were being stupid.

I think it is sometimes impossible to avoid these situations. I have the same problem, and I don't even have a nice personality. Besides that, if they blame you like that, it seems kind of vindictive, so that means they don't really care that much about you as a person. They just want you. So I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. Keep being you.

Ha, I just way overused the word "you", sorry. XD

I am a dude and I have the same issue, im just too flirtatious on accident, and girls either call me a a horny jackass for flirting all the time or get their hearts broken, and i feel terrible about it, i even got a girl to leave her boyfriend thinking that i'll be with her, and i felt sooooo bad after explaining, she just sat there, i said that we could still be friends but just hurts to hurt others like that, i find that if you just warn people before hand it helps, or tell them to tell you when you're flirting