Hello there, I need a little opinion on this. This post is most likely going to be long, very long, most likely split up due to the word limit, bear with me.

Part 1:

At the first glance, I'm the stereotype bookworm.
After the first conversation, I'm seem to be a shy, reclusive person.

But those are all lies, whenever I'm talking to others, I'm not sure why, but I'm able to feign out emotions that others just eats up. Can't anyone ever see through them at least once?

In school, I have no friends, I'm currently a freshman somewhere, and my class likes hanging out in groups, or clique as they like to call it.

Fucking french wannabes. (No offence to actual french people.)

I'm always to one alone in class, not that I mind though, since I hate almost everyone there. They only cared about keeping up with trends and always singing horribly off tune. Sometimes, I wished I studied hard a year ago and go to another school.

Stupid procrastination.

I clearly do not belong in there, I have absolutely have no interest in the subjects I was taking, and I fell like an outsider, sometimes, I wished someone would transfer in and I could somehow be friends with them.

Wishful thinking.

Don't tell me stuff like "Understand them", "Open up", or something, it's impossible, I'll rather jump off a cliff.

Most of my teachers are plain useless too, they just go through the slides, if just one person understood, they'll move on immediately. There's a even worse teacher, he lies about going to another country, and ask us to video tape down our project and send it to him, he doesn't teacher, and just ask us to read through the lectures online.

I have a favourite teacher, but he's starting on his doctor's degree next year and of course, won't be teaching us next year. He was the only one that I liked in the school.

Why can't the useless one go and the good ones stay?

Part 2:

I'll tell you a little story, a little story about a former friend. A was good friend with B and C, but B and C hated each other. They had some fight during their first year and kept a grudge since then, but they never told A the details. So, one day, A was a little fed-up with the both of them complaining about each other to her. Hence she started thinking of ways to make the both of them like each other.

A knew the both of them like to play games, although B is a sore loser, and C has a superiority complex, she thought that it was a good idea. At that time.

And so, A hinted to C about B knowing how to play a couple of games that C plays as well. 'After exams,' A had told her, but of course, C didn't bothered about that. C asked B about it later at night, and because of their clashing personalities, they made a mountain out of a mole hill.

Although A couldn't denied the fact that it was somewhat funny that both sides were messaging her and sending her screenshots of the messaging war, she soon decided that enough was enough. They had been arguing for the past hour and she wanted to focus on the book that she had been reading.

A wanted them to stop, she doubt those two would actually fight it out the next day when they met, they could calm down by then. But of course, things never work out the way she wanted them to.

A was not sure how, but her name was dropped into the war between B and C. A had specifically told C not to mention her, but it happened. Not that she was surprised, those two were too hot blooded to care about anything now.

The finishing blow came soon enough, B started accusing A of everything, 'Everything bad that had happened in my life was because of you,' B had said, 'It's all you fault!'

'Fix your own problem, don't blame me for everything.'

B fell silent after that and A just turned off her phone.

A dreaded the next morning, well, dreaded and excited, she wanted to see what would happen, and her phone was bombarded with messages the next morning, for C of course, just like she expected.

B was late that day, instead of arriving early then A like usual, she came just before the bell rang. B was fidgeting, A knew she was thinking of something trying to break the silence, but A just quietly read her book. It was awkward, the both of them knew, and B just had to ask A a question when she was drinking, 'The school's horrible huh? Making us sit outside when the weather is like this.' A just made a small noise of approval, not that B could hear her.

C immediately started waving at A after that, asking A if she'll want to walk back to class with her. And the stupidly prideful A just nodded, standing up and picking her stuff up and went off with C. The other students of the class immediately burst into chatters, A could hear them, they knew something was wrong, and A and B were always together, no matter what they did, and walking back to class was one of them. The two of them were always together, separated from the rest of the class, when A went back without B, it was obvious that A had "abandon" her.

B started ignoring A after that, and A followed suit, they sat with each other in class, so, the atmosphere was tense. (C was from another class.)

A could tell from B's body language that she wanted to make up, but doesn't want to try again. That's was normal, once bitten twice shy. And B had brighten up when A felt asleep in class, and asked her what had she missed.

But the ever prideful A didn't bother her, ignored all B's subconscious hints and actions. They became strangers that day. Although they did not talk much, A learn that B was not going to final year celebration, B had been excited for it, she had even planned what she wanted to wear, she had even planned to take A out to get some dress. (A doesn't own any.)

A knew that she shouldn't have hinted to C on that day, she had ruined so many things. A regretted it a lot, the both of them had planned so much for their holidays and B had requested for A to be her roommate when her parents dies. (Which she says will be soon. ಠ_ಠ)

A feel days later, they split into different groups, for a small project. B's ex invited A to join his group, and A had really wanted to burst into laughter at B's face. B was the last person without a group, and the teacher quickly assign her to however group that did not have enough people.

And from that day on, they stopped talking.

B started hanging out with people who she claims she hated, while A just went off with C and her friends.

End of story.

Looking back now, I really was a jerk. But I can't turn back time, sometimes I wished we were guys, or maybe act like a guy. We could duel it out then be back to normal then. I wonder who will win though, she has quite some strength for a girl, and has height and weight advantage over me.

I found out we were in the same school though, well, I found her new social media accounts where she had blocked my main account, and even found her blog.

But I pretend not to know that, until the day she called out my name, and asked if I'll want my rabbit back, which I declined. There was someone beside her, a tall dark-skinned girl, not the one I usually see her with, that one was dressed completely in pink and a little too round around the edges. (She really was in complete pink, pink shirt, pants, bag, rubber band, hair band, shoe and socks, my eyes was bleeding.)

Sometimes, I wish I wasn't a bloody INTJ or something, I wished that I can have a warm personality that can understand others easily and feel normal emotions. Actually I don't want to change myself, but how to anyone stand me? People in my class approach me before, and I just played the quiet character. But there was once I told someone to piss off, and I was quickly labelled as a cold person instead of a quiet one now. (My mum cleared out my collection from the fridge that day, needless to say, I wasn't in a good mood.

I want to find someone that can understand me. Why is that so difficult? I don't get social cues and stuff, but I do understand the body language, what's wrong with me? I'm also at the age where people usually already have a couple or countless of crushes, but me? I don't even feel interested in anyone! And I usually reject confessions without feeling anything. Sometimes, there's really something wrong with me. But I do want to have someone that would spend their time with me.

And speaking of spending time with someone, I don't know what to do with B, I somewhat want to be friends again, she said that we could be, but she won't be friends with C. But that was before we split groups.

Should I send her a letter? But I don't want any physical evidence. Should I send her an email? But I don't want her to know that I know all the accounts she has been using. Calling her? I have been thinking about that, but when?

B had stated that she had found a group of good friends that would stick through thick and thin with her though, but seeing that she didn't add anyone new to her accounts, I'm guessing it's not that close. But how?

Oh, about C, she's in a different school, but close, and she has changed. A lot. She became obsessed with fashion, clothes, selfies and other shit. She lost her superiority complex too, she doesn't fight with others now. She likes talking bad about them and yet playing the obedient dog in front of them.

I hate this, why can't things ever go in my way? Oh no, there had to be a factor that would ruin everything, why can't I change the setting of this bloody world.

Your place belongs in the outside world. Finish high school, and I know its hard and frustrating, but leave with a high school degree and find out what to do from there. Your life has yet to begin so its to early to judge life yet (I did the same thing too man). Your experienc will come but play the game safe until you graduate and then explor what you could not explore befor.

I'm currently in college. ._.

First of all - get off your high horse. You aren't so fucking incredible that you've got the right to make absolute judgements based on little actual knowledge. You clearly aren't interested in getting to know them.
Remember: You don't know those people, and they don't know you. You aren't those people, and they aren't you. They're different from you - they've got different interests and priorities and outlooks. But that doesn't necessarily make them inferior. So until you're besties, pipe down. Shit-talking gets you nowhere.
If your teachers aren't doing their job and you can't change that, then you need to take matters into your own hands. If you care about your education that much, you can work for it.
There's no such thing as 'normal emotions'. We're all shitty special snowflakes. You haven't fallen in love yet? Maybe you will someday, maybe you won't. Either way, it doesn't matter. As long as you aren't severely impaired (and I'm sure you're not), then you have nothing to worry about.
I'm not going to make any choices for you. They were your friends, and they might be again, but I don't know them. Just do it. Approach them and tell them you were a cunt, that you apologise and that you want to fix what needs fixing. If it doesn't work out, move on.
And again: Quit the slandering. It's childish.

>>4

Seconding that.

>>6

That's wrong. I feel the same most of the time because people around me are often what I like to refer as trash. They're incredibly boring and superficial, so why bother ?

About your friend, I had a hard time reading your text as it was pretty boring in my opinin. It's a story full of hypocrisy and stupid pride, and if you women act like that then you're right to wish to be a man. I don't think it's gender related though, I see that kind of things every day, and I think it's stupid. People who can't open their hearts end up like that.

And you can't solve your case unless you see a world outside of your shitty school. We are through an era of retards anyway, don't you think ? I feel the same as you, though I have some friends, but not like it's anything deep.

In response to the original poster, I have to say that I do agree to an extent. But let me just tell you that calling the people who taught you losers and acting as if they are incompetent is plainly wrong. I'm not trying to be rude, but I do agree with >>6 on how full of yourself to seem. You aren't exactly a star student, so of course your teachers are not going to teach you like they'd teach someone who was trying. I can already tell just from how you type that you aren't someone who believes in the necessity of education, and that is a decision that I can accept. Don't act like everyone else is a failure because of your negative opinion of their life choices, their fights, and their friends. I'm not going to finish reading this, I'm sorry, but from what I've read I would also have made the mistake of thinking you were a high school student. You are not a very mature person. you need to let your friends fight their own battles and you need to fight your own. Again, as Blinking stated, if you were THAT upset with the quality of your school, you should have done something about. You did not. Get out of school and do something else with your life. Stop whining about what went wrong and make it right. I'm not trying to be a bad guy, I promise. I'm trying to open up your eyes. Nothing will change with negativity.

>>6 this.
>>1 friends don't just fall into your lap you know. Relationships can last and sometimes they don't, either work to better them or move on. How do you expect to have others understand you went you can't understand them, it's all give and take. Don't blame procrastination or your personality type on your mistakes and fall outs, admit that your wrong and try to find a solution to the problem because like >>6 said, we aren't here to make decisions for you. Making and keeping friends is a skill and like any skill, it needs effort and a lot of it.
"Why can't the useless one go and the good ones stay?" this actually made me quite upset. You're actually blaming someone who chose to better their own life. Seriously? The good ones don't stay and I'll tell you why, it's because those people are driven and they work for what they want and they move on until they achieve it. They aren't going to stay because it's comfortable for you.
Change your attitude and focus on bettering yourself and trying to understand people a bit better. I'm not telling you to like iced coffees and take selfies every five minutes but to try and see from their perspective before you judge them.

I think you should ask yourself "What do I want to happen?"

if you want your friend back then do it. Don't overthink it. just take a deep breathe and talk to her.

if you want another school find ways to transfer or better yet make your school a better place for you. there was a quote that says "Happiness is not about the chance of landscape but a change in your perspective. " or something I can't really remember.

and if you want that warm personality thingy that you say you want then change yourself be warm be open.


HOPE THAT WE HELPED YOU, and im hoping that you are open about our suggestions and advices to you. :)