Hi guys.

So, I have this dysfunctional relationship with my mom and family: Whenever something goes down, usually about me and my brother being disappointments, my mom puts up this wall between the family as if we are the ones to blame. Now, I don't think that anyone is at fault; I believe in mistakes and accidents, while she believes that we never think or consider the situations thoroughly enough.

Between my mother and I, we can never have a normal conversation because with the both of us being so stubborn, we just yell and argue. Now, I respect my mom and all that she's done for me. She’s struggled very hard to get where she is right now and sacrificed so much, which is why she is so hard-headed. I just finished high school with not the best grades (but I still graduated!), and though I have an idea of what I want to do in life, I'm still a little confused. I know that my mom wants job security in my major/career, which deals in advertising communications but she has her own ideal occupations in mind. Her current job deals with clinical marketing, so she keeps telling me about how much red tape there is and how I wouldn't survive in the business world. The nurse in her wants me to go to the medical field, but I've fended off that idea for the last two years of my high school. Instead of going to study in visual merchandising and design communications, I had to change my major to just regular communications in hopes of landing in public relations. I feel like she wants me to do anything but communications; she tells me to take a year off to reconsider my future, or shadow a doctor, and now I'm unsure about what I'm doing.

I don't want to blame my mom– I'm just trying to find my own way. But, she makes me want to give up and just regret everything. This wall she built up is something that she always does. All of a sudden she's avoiding us in the house, she stays in her room all day and once, she even moved into our casitas in the back. She even kicks out my dad from their room, and threatens to leave us to go back to California or the Philippines. What bothers me the most is that she says we are killing her. Earlier in the year, she was hospitalized twice in a row: once to have surgery on her gallbladder and again because her heart collapsed due to the anesthetics (she’s really sensitive). Her dad's side has a history with heart problems so she can't manage stress, so too much and she'll be in the hospital again. Now, whenever we argue, the idea of her dying because of her family is always mentioned.

We all know not to bother her, but its worse when I try to talk to her. She just glares and yells and I don't think this is how a mother should talk to her child when they feel like their future is unclear/ screwed over. And when a problem passes, we just pretend it never happened until it all goes down again.

I know it hurts her to see her eldest child fail a class, and her you youngest daughter, who she saw so much potential in, to be supposedly undecided. But, I don't feel like there was ever any encouragement from her. Of course I'm unsure! I am so scared of my future right now! I don't have any goals– I don't even know how to make one! I just know what I like, and I dream about being happy in the future. I know that you shouldn't just hope for things to happen because it's so easy to give up and be lazy, but when the person who you're supposed to look up to belittles you and accuses you of being stupid, how can you not wish to just die?

Never has she asked me what I wanted to do, it was always 'Being a doctor ...' and 'When you have money then you'll be happy'. I know she does it because she worries, but I don't know what to say to her anymore and I don't even know how to talk to her.

What would you guys do? How do I handle such a situation? How do I stop the arguing, how do I explain things, how do I make goals? I'm trying to keep an open mind (she says that I'm too narrow minded and I don't even know how to fix that), but I've already lost hope in my future. Right now, I feel like I can just jump off a building and end it all because I’m apparently better at planning that out than dealing with a brighter future. I just don't know anymore.

>>1 I suggest talking to a career counsellor or an academic advisor. You know what you like to do, that's already half the battle won right there! A career counsellor can take those likes, skills, and interests and give you your possible options. If you're going to university you can always change your major, lots of people to it and it's nothing to be ashamed of and neither is being indecisive. However you should absolutely not give up because it's easier. Life decisions are hard and you have to figure things out for yourself sometimes and it can get hard but just keep working on it and you'll find an answer. Don't get discouraged.
I can understand your family issues too, my mom got diagnosed with Graves Disease and her doctor told her that it may have been triggered by stress, she then gets it into her head that it's my fault for stressing her out and making her sick. She also isn't proud of me, or at least she doesn't show it.
What I suggest doing is telling your mom that you're going to school and you're working on your future and she shouldn't worry so much. Or something like that. Remember to stay calm and try not to argue, even if the things she says bother you. Her suggestions are also really good ideas and you should consider them, she isn't being unreasonable when she tells you to take a year off to work things out, a lot of people do that and again it's nothing to be ashamed of, if anything it'll help you get your mind on track. Shadowing a doctor is also a good idea if you don't know what you want to do. Being a doctor is relatively different than it originally sounds, depending on the field, you may even end up liking it.
Being openminded is a good thing to work on, try out new things and see what you like.
I hope that this helps :3

I am in a situations very similar to your except its just me and my mom and we haven't been to close till I moved back from china. I think the best thing to do what she suggested take a year off and think what is a career I want to do and what make me happy. I don't think you would run from your problem with your mother like I did. I also think if you explain to your mom how you want to do something you loved she might understand ,and except it. For goal you set small ones first ones that are easy achievable and just do that make small goals like I am going to go look for a job or anything. Don't end your life your important to some people. I think like I said earlier you need to think what makes me happy and screw everyone else If your happy doing that job than work towards that job make it a reality. I work in the music field and yeah I don't make a lot of money but I am happy my boyfriend and me live happly together. he makes most of the money but I am also looking for more jobs to do to help me out. Don't worry so much you need to take a deep breath and take a step back and think carefully what you can do to make a great life and a happy one. keep us posted and I hope what I said can help.