Hi guys, so I'm pretty sure you know about that whole senpai-kouhai relationship. Yes, that is my situation (he's a junior, I'm a freshman, we go to the same high school). So before I get to the point, let me just introduce myself. I am a Muslim (and so is he) in our club called MSA, the Muslim Student Alliance. We get together (with others obviously) on Thursdays after school. And being Muslims, what is Friday without our special Jummah prayers? We get together that day at the park, if the weather is nice. If not, we pray indoors. There's a competition that my MSA competes in every year called MIST, the Muslim Inter-Scholastic Tournaments. There are regionals and nationals for that competition, and this year's nationals are taking place in Washington DC (and yes I am going to support my senpai!!) Those meetings are usually on Wednesdays, but I couldn't take part in MIST this year because I had to study for physics (I failed first term with a 64 D:). Senpai, on the other hand, goes to all three activities, and, Masha'Allah (what God wants), his rap, or Nasheed, in regionals got him to nationals with first place!! Okay let's start the story now.

It started on the first MSA meeting in early October. At first, when I saw him and he introduced himself, I thought, Why does he have a girly voice? So it kinda threw me off. I didn't think the MSA would be as fun as I think it is now. So for the first few weeks of MSA, we did icebreakers to mainly introduce the freshmen. The MSA starts getting serious around November, where the board members give us lectures relating to Islam and the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). The thing is, senpai is on the board as co-president, and today he was elected as next year's co-president as well. Therefore, you can conclude that his speeches/lectures are REALLY good. Seriously, there was this one MSA meeting in January where the secretary spoke about the love for your parents. As she spoke, I was reflecting on how I had been treating my parents, thinking I could do more to see them smile. And it made me sad, thinking how long it's been since they had honestly smiled. I felt so alone at the time, being a freshman, separated by my middle school friends, being criticized by the upperclassmen, struggling with my physics grades. Her speech made me repent on my actions. And if that weren't enough, I'll tell you what. Senpai's lecture? It drove me to the point of tears, and keep in mind that while I was still in the MSA meeting as this happened... senpai saw me tear up. So.. I don't know how to say this but he kind of half-smiled at me, like you could see that he was smiling from a side view, but not know what for. But he was staring straight at me when he did that. And I was struggling to listen to his speech while also thinking about my actions and looking at him through my teary eyes. The thing is, while I was crying, I didn't realize that I was also smiling, because I knew so much more about respecting and loving my parents, to be grateful that they spent 14 years of their lives trying to help me mature into a young woman, continuing to do so. It was such a heartfelt moment that is now burned into my memories.

So on my first MIST meeting (before the tryouts that I couldn't do began, around mid-October), the board members decided to show us an example of what MIST can do. So senpai and his friend performed their rap (Nasheed) from last year's nationals. And since he kinda has a girly voice, I thought it was going to turn out bad. So before he sang, my facial expression was just... ._., because I was stressed out with being a freshman. So when he started singing, my facial expression just transformed into a huge smile :D It was just amazing, how he incorporated song and lyrics, tying it into Islam and the given theme for that year's MIST competition, which was self-improvement. And he can actually use that girly voice to SING! And I'm not really the type to get all hype over such little things, but I actually cheered for him, the entire MSA cheered for him in the end. I was just so inspired by what my senpais can do, I actually kinda regret not trying out for regionals.

Oh yeah, take note that I never talked to senpai until like a month ago, when I charged at him in Jummah with this long tree branch my MSA friend found lying around the park. Of course, he said my name wrong (which is not my screenname lol), so my name annunciation became a kind of side joke ever since then. But the thing is, since he's the co-president of my MSA, I can't help but think about how immature he is (this probably threw you guys off). I don't know how but he just... is. It makes me think, How did he get elected as co-president in the first place?? But it also makes me somewhat grateful that I met him, otherwise my freshman year would've been horrible. And so, on Valentine's Day, I told my friend to give him an anonymous Valentine's present. I don't know, I just felt the need to do so, because he turned my entire perspective of high school around. I have so much respect for my senpai. But lately I've been asking myself if I really like him like THAT or not (and I'll admit, he's kinda attractive). And today was our last MSA meeting, so I still wasn't sure if I should've confessed to him or not. Because I don't even know if my feelings for him are like that.

(Btw he's kind of dumb, he says that being a board member risks your average, and he's not good at school to start with, so I'm guessing he has lower than 90 averages in his classes. I'm just putting that out there. lol)

So here's where Islam counters my feelings. You can't date, you can't have a bf/gf, only a spouse. Marriage is one half of faith (in Allah). Even though I fantasize so much about my senpai while we're not in touch, I feel completely comfortable around him when we're at the MSA, despite him pronouncing my name wrong all the time. I want to tell him how I feel but I can't really express it so openly to him. He'll be a senior in September. I'll be a sophomore by that time. And soon after that, he'll be gone. And I don't want him to leave without me confessing whatever feeling I have inside of me. The consequences (non-Islamic), are my chances of begin nominated for a board member. If word spreads that I have a crush on senpai (which I really don't know if I do), I won't be elected. And the thing is, I really want to lead the MSA in my junior year, since I can't next year because the elections are already in. And I'd feel worse if he just left without my feedback. The Islamic counter to facing him with my feelings is to lower your gaze, to not have any hidden intentions behind what you do. So I'm pretty sure you guys get that I don't know my hidden intentions or my true feelings, whether it's respect or something else. So PLEASE help me, this is utterly confusing me and I clearly don't have the common sense to understand my feelings for him. Thank you for your time!!

Well, first of all, its awesome that you came here to ask for advice and all that. I have a few Muslim friends, some at school and some I met through the internet, and one of them has a problem similar to yours. What your feeling towards this boy may be are feeling of adoration, and not necessarily a crush. You may respect his devotion to not only Religion but also the club you're in. However, not to contradict myself, you could also like this boy a lot, and in my opinion it seems like you do. With that being said, you mentioned that your religion can kind of get in the way with your romantic feelings towards him. I say you give it more time, and try to find out if you like this kid outside of the club, try to spend time with him at lunch or maybe hang-out outside of school. See if you like the "immature" side you mentioned, and not just the dedicated and hard-working Co-President side of him. If you find out you like that side as well, then make sure you do at least tell him your true feelings for him before you graduate. Don't make the mistake of letting religion or even fear of rejection get in the way of what could be a promising and wonderful relationship. I'm unsure of the religious consequences of dating/having a bf gf are, but I feel if you love the person that it would be worth it.

Also as a side note, below 90 averages in his classes doesn't make him dumb! Hahaha that just makes him an average High School kid. I got below 90 averages in some classes I shouldn't have back in High School, like Art, or even Gym class.

Thank you so much!! And not to be rude, but the only flaw in your answer is that he's almost ALWAYS surrounded by friends. I see him in the hallways and he is never alone when he goes to his next class (at least for the time that I see him). It'd be near impossible for a socially awkward person like me to go up to my senpai (taking note that we are Muslims and are practically not allowed to talk unless mandatory) and ask if we could hang out. Sorry for all the negativity but that's pretty much the reality of what I've been through this school year.

And I didn't say anything about getting low scores like 70s or something :P like I said, I was just putting that out there :)

No offence, tl dr;

But I read it all. In summary, you respect him since long ago, but never talked until a month ago. And now you're confused about your feelings about whether or not they're still platonic. But religion stops you from dating.

Hope I got that right. And honestly, no matter what religion, we're humans. It's normal even if we do have feelings so long as we don't act upon them outside marriage, if they are supposedly discouraged. From how I see it, you have four options.

1. Confess to him and get rejected so you can move on.
2. Request for him to ask for your hand in marriage and be engaged so you can at least go on dates without being intimate.
3. Hang out with him and pretend as if nothing is wrong, along with his friends and see how it progresses - sometimes, the more we learn about someone, the feelings diminish.
4. Pack up and leave the school.

Last choice is extreme. Or you could try the magical #5 and convince yourself you're not interested in him so you can get on with life. Sometimes, the more you think about it, the more you believe you're romantically inclined towards someone.

Also, >>2 said Also as a side note, below 90 averages in his classes doesn't make him dumb!

I quote you.

(Btw he's kind of dumb, he says that being a board member risks your average, and he's not good at school to start with, so I'm guessing he has lower than 90 averages in his classes. I'm just putting that out there. lol) from >>1

You're going in circles. Last note, if you want that position, learn to control your behaviour and expressions. It's not lying to yourself, it's discipline. Then people won't make assumptions about your feelings towards him.

>>4 Thanks a lot, I tried #2 today and it worked out great!! I think he's better off being my friend rather than a potential partner. And no one got sus on me :)