I feel as though I need to just tell someone everything. Why not you guys? Ever since I have been on anti-depressants, I feel a roller coaster of emotions daily. I'm not used to feeling many things, so this is very new for me. Some days, I believe I am doing so much better. Then there are other days where I hurt myself and am on the verge of ending my life.

I refuse to tell my therapist or psychiatrist about this. I want to deal with this by myself. I have relied on other people to help me multiple times and now I am done.

So, I might as well say everything clearly so you know. I am recovering from anorexia and self harm. Obviously I haven't made a full recovery yet and wonder if I ever will, but who knows?

The struggle I have daily with eating seems as though it is going to be eternal. One minute I am eating because I decide I need to, then the next minute I am feeling disgusting for eating whatever.

My life has been, like I said before, a roller coaster of emotions. I realize how destructive my actions are, but I can't seem to stop.

Thank you for reading this. I just really needed to let it out. I"m not looking for a pity party. That's not my reason for this post.

To everyone else- Stay strong. You're someone's world.

>>1 now I'm absolutely no one to talk and I'll feel like a complete hypocrite...
You probably should seek some help. It's nothing to be ashamed of, especially for serious things that can affect your very life. Your condition isn't just a form of will or lack there of, it's chemical, all in the brain and drugs are meant to "correct" the lack or excess of neurotransmitter or hormone causing your condition. However, I think you may be on the wrong medication. I don't know much about antidepressants but it sounds like it's making you have manic depression type behaviour.
But I understand if you don't chose to, I've never seen a physiatrist and I probably really should have.
Good luck to you~

I've never taken anti-depressants, so I can't really imagine what sort of emotional storm your experiencing. Like >>2 I think the best way to help is to at leat try to talk to your therapist/someone you trust who can help you (give support). I'm guessing you've been suppressing your emotions/thoughts/memories(for reasons only you know), which than builds up and begins expressing itself, for you through self-harm/ED. The thing is eating disorders and self harm is not the true problem, but what is making you do them is :( This sort of behavior can easily turn into a habit (and it's so hard to break free from).
I do however believe that if you believe you can stop this behavior you can! So don't give up!
Because life isn't easy, that's why I live on.
Good luck and I wish all the best to you!