Scraping the bottom of the barrel but here goes lol

I'll be brief. For the last year or so I've been in a pretty bad place. I started by feeling shitty and not really getting out of the house much and ended up not going to my uni classes almost at all and losing contact with all of my friends. I never had a lot to being with or any sort of great social life, but there's that difference between being alone and lonely you know? And being lonely a lot has really messed up my confidence, willpower etc and made me feel really out of touch with the rest of the world. And messing up academically has made me feel like a big fat disappointment, considering that I always used to be top of the class in middle school and high school.

Now, I've been trying not to indulge in shitty feelings too much. I try to get enough sleep and not go to bed at unholy hours/wake up in the afternoon, I try to eat well, try to find things to do that make me a bit happy, things that make me laugh etc. There's willpower necessary in keeping yourself together when it comes to the little things too, especially when the bigger things feel enormously overwhelming.

Which brings me to the problem. I need to get some work done in order to graduate. And the deadline is right around the corner. And I've been avoiding everything like hell because I'm terrified. And I don't have any motivation or confidence or discipline or anything left.

So basically any tips on how to get work done when your mind is doing everything to work against you every time you try? Encouragement? Ideas?

I know everyone has trouble with getting themselves motivated and nobody has advice that'll work 100% percent, so it's ok if you don't have an answer/don't care. Thanks for reading.

Everyone makes nonsense threads on this board so why not you know?

>>1 I'm a last minute kind of person, I procrastinate and procrastinate until I quickly get my shit together and get things done which is really unhealthy... The reward system works for me, spend some time doing what you need to get down and be sure to take breaks, small breaks, breaks for an anime episode or a cup of coffee or some quick food. If you find yourself distracted then turn off the internet and remove all distractions. As for motivation... You need this done right? You want this done right? Getting things done takes effort so get to work! ...yeah that's what I tell myself when I need motivation.
Get to work Bang Bang~!! :3

I also have the problem of always doing work right before the deadline and it has bitten me in the arse quite some times as well, though normally everything goes alright since I most times am not very challenged with the work from school I have to do (Yeah, I am still in school, well in my graduation from basically what is highschool in america). I always try to get myself to start sooner, but almost never get it done. For me what works the best is to just start working. Once I have started I really can emerge completely into my work and forget my surroundings including the need to eat, drink etc. But that also can fail me if I have spare time, if I am not in a hurry basically and could still do it later. As Neko-tama said, try turning off internet etc and just sit down and start. Maybe you could find some motivation in findeing interisting stuff in your work, things you would like to know or discuss yourself. Your situation with being really alone I can really feel. I live relativly far off from my friends which I do not know very good anyways and my family is also very distant to me. Though I really think you can do it. You said you had great marks? Now that is great! I am sure you can do it, you are not alone with your situation. There is always someone out there who will listen to your problems and who will be able to feel your pain. Just do it, you can and you should for your own sake. Hope I was of help, really, I wish you the best of luck.

This probably won't help much. But here's what I think.

Your situation is so much like mine it's kinda freaking me out. I'm still in High school, but the workload is really getting to me, and I fucking hate it. I always keep leaving things to the last minute, and when you're in my position, you can't really afford to. I have a tendency to rush revision for SAC's and then get either really good or really average marks. It's hard to explain, but I know that I could probably do really well if I tried, but there's kind of a rush in just going into the unknown with my SAC's and seeing how it turns out.

Seeing as I haven't had much of a social life, due to for the last 4 years, I've been trying to fix that now, which probably isn't healthy at the present time. Loneliness is a bitch, but if you have important work to do, it's best to get that out of the way first.

In order to try to get myself psyched for work, I tend to think about how I'm gonna feel after I've finished my work, and all the time I'll have to do whatever the fuck I want. "Always consider the future you" is what it says on my school pencil case. It doesn't really work for me. But you're not me.

Also, and this might be weird, but what usually does gets me psyched up for work is keeping clean. Like, cleaning my room, taking a shower, organising my bookshelf - stuff like that. Afterwards, I just feel like I can think more clearly, and I actually feel like getting work done.

If you have any bad habits, try to quit them. After you've gone a couple of days not doing something you're not proud of, you'll feel like a way better person and thus more likely to want to make yourself an even better person by fulfilling your work obligations.

Also, if it's within your power, get all your work done early, You'll feel like a fucking King when you're finished with it.

Try to avoid sleeping during the day. It's bad for you. Also avoid caffeine. It's also bad for you.



Man, I feel like a hypocrite for saying all this, though. I need to learn to take my own advice.

Listen... I have no idea who you are, but I understand what you wrote. Procrastinating sure doesn't help, but it's not the problem really.

Here's a breif background on myself: I was an honors student my whole life. I never tried. I always procrastinated. I went through school, got into a university where they paid most of my tuition, again, honors college. I'd proven I was more than capable of 'success' but in all that time I never realized how worthless that was.

It's our public (and to a great degree private) education system I believe that warped me. I was a part of a system that I couldn't care less about. That's what did it. That realization halted me in my steps, I failed classes, my GPA dived, and that's when the questions, fear, apathy, and destruction started to surround me. I understood the problem as one can understand an object without knowing weight of it's material.

However, I know understand the weight of my situation in life. I can't tell you in plain terms how I came to the understanding I have now...I think it's something that will come to you when you're ready. I'll share some of the questions I asked that helped though. I'll be honest, it feels great though. The clarity of thought that I now have, the lack of doubt, is immensly gratifying. It's freedom I think, to realize exactly what you are (maybe read my post on self-validation in the suicide thread).

My advice: Forget about graduation, from the sounds of it you aren't ready. This may seem unrealistic...well, it may be I guess...but I think you're lacking what I've understood. The point of education is not to get a degree stating what you can supposedly do, or what you have supposedly learned. You've done poorly academically right? Make sure you've come to terms with that. What I mean is, make sure you are at a point where you NEVER have to unwillingly fail again (some exceptions, but I hope you catch my drift). When I failed those classes, it wasn't what I wanted at all, but it wasa result of what I was becoming.

You know, I think the truth of what people know as mistakes is that they're acts they think right at the time and then look back on with regret. This situation is an inverse. It's something that my past self would have regretted and avoided, but my current self is actually grateful for...I'm not kidding, I'm really that far from regret.

Finally, what I kept asking myself throughout the whole process was: What do I value?
when I was in highschool the guidance counselor gave us a career aptitude test. It was a part of a group of sessions to help students straighten out a path for college. My whole class took this test together, and it asked questions around these key domains: interest, opinion of skill in an area, and personality traits. The test results were divided like a pie in several different career choice categories. When I go my test back though, none of those areas were highlighted expect for a circle in the middle. I asked the guidance counselor what it meant and she said that, that was her first time seeing that part filled in. The verdict (and how I interpreted it) was that I had equal aptitude for all career areas. Several years in the future, I now think back to that result in a different way. I know see it as, based on peronality traits, interest, and skill alone, the path I should take is indeterminate. So then, what is the tipping factor for me? I have now realized it is value. What I do I value is the question I should have been asking all this time...and maybe it's a question for you too.

Good luck.

>>4>>3 Yeah I've always kind of slacked off as much as possible and done things at the last moment, but it's always worked out for me. Once I got going I got it done. Unfortunately now I can't seem to get going and when I do instead of immersing myself in it as I usually did I get distracted by all the mistakes I could be making/have made and things like that :/. Thanks for the encouragement anyway I really appreciate it!!

>>5 Ahh I try to motivate myself with the feeling of accomplishment too, because oh man it's been a while since I actually accomplished something, something worthwhile. But I seem to somehow end up skipping the actual work part while thinking about what it'd feel like getting it done. While my mind is in the future I leave what I have to do for the future too...which is very unproductive.

But since you mentioned your pencil case, I have post-its with messages for myself like 'you can do it' 'don't give up' 'breathe' or whatever posted around my desk. Sometimes they work I guess, since there's nobody else to tell me those things.

Cleaning is actually another way to procrastinate for me unfortunately, though I get where you're coming from. Sometimes in situations like these you get weird habits that somehow help you. I don't think I have one of those, maybe I should get one.

I think my bad habits mostly involve trying to distract myself however possible online when I'm feeling upset, but I really lost whatever little discipline I ever used to have and keep slipping. It's more of a mental habit I have to get out of. A lot of mental habits actually.

I've barely ever done my work early my whole life oh man I'm not sure I even know how that feels. And I can't give up my morning coffee don't be insane :P And I really get that with not being able to take your own advice. It's the worst. When you're aware of what you're doing wrong but keep on doing it :/

>>6 High five fellow (formerly) burnt-out (former) honor student.

Yeah, the fact that I have gotten to the point where I dislike the system I'm part of almost with a passion is definitely a big part of the problem. Other than graduation and the fact that I would get this whole headache over with I don't feel like I would be getting much else from the work that I'm supposed to put in.

I've always been good at almost anything I put my mind to but never really passionate about anything either. Pretty aimless overall, but until collage things were always laid out for me and I just followed the path from A to B. getting more freedom of decision has just made my indecision and lack of motivation so much worse.

But even though I'm overall at a loss about my 'adult life' or whatever this is a punctual thing I have to get done. Maybe, like you said, I'll get clarity at some point, but it doesn't feel like it'll be anytime soon. And from every direction I'm told I can't afford not to graduate, no matter how unready I am. And I was supposed to last year, and dragging it out until now just makes me feel terrible. Even though I know that objectively I have the skills, too much of what's going on in my head is weighing me down.

And I'm stuck I guess between trying to figure out the bigger picture and trying to get over one specific hurdle. And while worrying about both I get neither done.

Maybe if I could get spite to motivate me more, that used to work. I rarely did things out of positive emotions. But now I can't even muster that, I'm just a blob.

And being alone means I don't have anyone in direct proximity to compare myself to. At least before and in high school if I was late with something I usually had a friend in the same situation and we told each other that 'hey this can be done!'. Sigh.

Thank you for responding!

Well that was long and probably not entirely coherent.

But today I actually sent two school related emails to get some things sorted out which makes me feel a little less like a useless human lump! I still barely touched this book that I was supposed to have read weeks ago and I'm still sitting in my room stressing trying to not feel like the ceiling is getting ever lower.

Maybe I should get into jogging/excising, I heard it helps clear your head.

I think I know what you need because I'm in a similar boat to you and can't get it.. Someone to push you. That's all. You need someone who is there and knows your situation or has been in it prior and knows what to do and say to push you. Someone who knows to not interrupt you when you get into it and knows when to "borrow" your laptop for the extended periods of time that you should be reading or doing something offline. Someone that can come up to you in the evening and ask if you've read the last few chapters and, if not, whine and demand you do it, but in a way that's understanding rather than critical.

You just need someone that can give you a direction and let you run. Once you really get on your roll, you won't need that crutch anymore and will be more understanding of your own interests and needs.

Even you said that being alone and away from your friends has made it worse, right? Since nobody's there to make you do it.

Regardless, I wish I could put advice here that would help you in the long run. I don't know any easy way to do it alone other than to keep trying. And I'd tots be like, "I'll be your friend-coach-thing and push you along!" but my internet goes out every few minutes, so I couldn't live/voice chat or anything and am in a completely different timezone (I think), which kinda ruins the point :I

>>10 Oh man, oh man, god yes.

There's multiple things that factored into getting me where I'm at, but losing friends is absolutely one of the big ones. I try day in and day out to be my own biggest supporter but unsurprisingly it doesn't work out.

I've tried explaining myself to my mom, but our ways of thinking just seem to run parallel and all I've gotten is mostly guilt tripping. And I guess it worked because half the reason why I don't try to talk to her about what bothers me anymore is that I don't want to be just another of her worries.

I know you sometimes have a hard time getting things done, but you've always come across as kind of strict and stuff around here. You'd be a total hard-ass on my wouldn't you lol. And yeah on the timezone thing, I'm in eastern Europe and you're on which coast?

We just need to surround ourselves with one another so we can all bug each other to get our stuff done

>>11 Trust me, my mom is the same way, and we've moved miles away from my old town (enough that few people if any visit), so. I know what you mean. It's frustrating when there's no one there to help *-*'

I'm EST, one the East coast of the US. You guys're like eight hours ahead of us, right?

>>12 This. Just constant contact and bugging xD

>>10 As usual Barabi you're right on the mark! I even thought about hiring a personal assistant for just that purpose. but....there's no money in me little wallet!!

In the end I just ended up doing alot of work in the library. All those people working, together but seperately...it helped in some ways

and >>7, I know exactly what you mean about graduating a year late...I felt terrible about it too. Then I realized that stemmed from the fact that I really wasn't 'ready'. Sure, I had all the credits and stuff (no honor's seal mind you, but still). Then I made the hard but worthwhile decision to push through another year...So, two years behind and in a much better place.

Open question: Has anyone ever done a video call with someone where you didn't talk, but you could see them in their own space working. It would be the next best thing to having someone with you in person...but does anyone find it awkward?

My thought was if we all benefit from this, maybe it could become like a dollars study/work focus group?

>>15 I used to do it with one of my friends all the time. We'd leave skype open with video chat and then just go on with whatever we're doing, even if we're not up to talk. I can't do it now because of my internet tho :I

>>12 Until we annoy each other so much we block each other out lol

>>13 I think it's seven but yeah.

>>15 That...sounds a bit awkward to me, but it depends I guess.

You mentioned how it's easier to get things done at the library for example, and having someone kind of 'there' or maybe doing work at the same time without really interfering would I guess kind of replicates that?

I tried going to the library a couple of months and it worked pretty well. Unfortunately I ended up meeting some people I really didn't want to meet a couple of times so then I chickened out :(

>>16 I've never really been a video chat person, I don't know why but all of the people I talk(ed) to prefer typing (oddly enough I'm still slow as heck and make typos once every 5 words). But other than that I used to chat with friends while doing homework and stuff all the time. It feels like working together on a thing even if you only say stuff every hour or something and it's comforting.

I feel that I should mention that I also have an older brother who lives in Paris and talk with him pretty regularly. But my relationship with him is kind of...weird I guess. We're pretty similar so I think he knows me very well, but we've always skirted the line with getting too much into each other's business and having a serious talk about personal things is simply not on the table for me, even though maybe it should be. Maybe I think I already know what he's gonna say or something like that, so I just appreciate him talking to me about his day sometimes or showing me a funny video.

That kind of counts as a friend I guess. I just kind of take him for granted. Aw no I think I'm getting emotional about it.

Meanwhile today the list of things achieved is still very short and the number of hours spend avoiding things still very high. Here's hoping for something better tomorrow.

Banger, I have an idea.

Someone posted this site on Suggestions earlier.

What if we had a competition to see who could get to level 5 first? :3

>>19 Aa I've heard of that before. I've never been good with regular to-do lists so I'm not really optimistic about this working out, but I made an account anyway. Let's see what happens.

>>1 This pretty much sums up my life in a nut shell!
I would give you a story on this but its almost 2 am and i
really dont feel like having to tell my lifes story...
im horrible at explaining things in a non-complicated way any way!

>tries to write a paragraph
>feels like I don't have the most basic hold of my own language and sound like a damn fourth grader
>takes another half an hour to write like three lines of text
>rinse and repeat a couple of times until I just walk away

How did I ever give off the impression that I was smart, ha I had everyone fooled. I'm gonna go somewhere and just collapse under the weight of my fraud complex :/

Had a conversation with my mom where she called me stupid and lazy and said how this is my life I'm ruining it and how I'm gonna end up as nothing if I don't stop being so irresponsible.

Hell of a motivator, what can I say. Really did wonders for my self image too.

I'm gonna crawl under my bed and eat my shoes.

And also fail. Everything. Because I'm the human equivalent of gum on the pavement.

If anyone ever looks here wondering what's up, I sort of crashed and burned but sort of not.

Basically since it was about graduating, I had to finish my senior thesis and take some exams (this semester's exams and also a bunch of others left over from last year). I didn't make it but I get another chance in September, so here's to hoping I evolve a bit from being the sad trash that I am and do things on a reasonable schedule :/