I'm always lonely but feel like I can't really be friends with anyone. I'm lookingfor a special kind of person who sees everything the same kind of way I do. I want someone who I can think of as equal to me in some aspects. It's not that I'm arrogant but I want to find someone who I know isn't easily manipulated or biased, they need to be able to think for themselves. Well I can't really explain what kind of person I am or that I wan't but I just want someone that I can consider a friend. I feel like I will always involuntarily think higher of myself than others. I want someone who's not just anyone. I've pretty much lost hope. The idea of coincidence and randomly coming across them annoys me and seems too unrealistic. Life isn't like that. I need something real.

My question is how could I find that person?

In all honesty I'm not expecting an answer. I don't know what to do...

It seems to me that you have high standards and feel alone.

In the first place, it sounds like you may have had chances to have friends, but they weren't good enough for you (being manipulated, biased, anyone who's not just anyone.)

Maybe you're just too selective? Picky? You have friends, but none that you closely are connected to?

Though truth be told, I can't say much since I don't know anything.

I've been asked a lot by people "how can I get along with and understand others that are too different than me?" Or stupid. Lower-quality. Etc.

The thing is, you're not going to find that person. (Best friend?) They probably are out there, but if you go in with set standards, it'll not even come close. You'll have to make it happen; though it sucks to suck.

You'll have to settle for less. Or you know, there's a LOT of people out there that don't have what you're looking for (special best friend).

Its actually fun to be around someone very different from you (not too different though) just lower your standards. I know what you mean but your never gonna find someone like your self its like a one in a million chance (no I didn't do the math).

>>1 just like what >>2 said, your standards are too high, you can't just expect someone to be like you right from the start, and how would you even know if you don't even give them the chance to get to know you and you get to know them. You can't just find that person, that very mentality leaves it to chance encounter. My advice to you is to be kinder and more open to other people, yes there are a lot of poor friends out there but there's always someone who isn't. Like >>3 said, unless you want a clone of yourself, you're most likely going to find someone different than you but with a few similarities, and that's fine! It's even fun! Contrasting personalities can be fun, so give it a shot :3

I'm not looking for a clone of me. It's not that I hate everyone or can't get along with anyone. It just always feels fake. I mean I already have "friends" so it's not that I'm just needing a friend. I don't know, maybe I'm after a girl friend? I want someone to be really close to so if I take away the physical part of it I can't even tell the difference anymore. I just don't like the idea of it just being anyone. It just doesn't mean anything that way.

It's not me I'm after but someone that means something to me. Actually, yeah, I think I'm just naturally really apathetic and not caring. I feel lonely still but because nothing seems to mean anything to me. I don't know how it works.
But to clarify it doesn't have to be just one person and I'm not just in nedd of a friend. I want someone who means something to me (what I think of as a true friend). Thanks for trying at least.

>>5 I understand. I have, to this day, not had any friends I could consider myself really close to. I used to think of many people as 'not making the mark' though I no longer do. Many people have things that are commendable about them, I started to realize that. Perhaps the those things weren't of value to me at the time... I know this woman who is pretty slow. There were times in the past when I thought it was a drag to be around them...i.e. not stimulating in the least. However, over time I began to realize some really unique and infact amazing things about her. Such as, she has an amazing level of tolerance for others. Regardless of different race, ethnicity, religion, gender, she is completely free of negative bias towards all. You have to admit when you stop and think about it, that kind of person is in that way truly amazing. I can't say that I can call her a friend, but I certainly don't look down on her.

'I want someone to be really close to so if I take away the physical part of it I can't even tell the difference anymore.' It reminds me of a song title, "My Soul, Your Beats". Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to surpass our physical limitations and feel another person within you? I've never believed that we as individuals aren't whole without another...but in dreams, I've had such experiences. The feeling of another presence in complete harmony with my own being. Without words, without anything but our own conciousness, in all my waking days I have never felt such peace. Aside from metaphysical considerations though, to have another person at all that satiates you (keyword for the feeling you are lacking) is a highly coveted thing.

For my part, I can never stop hoping for such a person to arise; but a part of me has also resigned myself to thinking that such a person does not exist here. I have many that I care about, and even some that I love. They each provide me with something, and I appear to do the same for them. If no one ever left me, I'd have everyone I need perhaps...If they were all together with me in a room at one time, I doubt I'd even feel that I'm missing anything. But between myself and anyone of these individuals, there are always multiple things that conflict between us. It is the effort we make to brush over this conflict, for the sake of maintaining harmony that leads to fakeness. It is infact, any effort that we make to bypass potential conflict between ourselves and others that is fakeness. In truth, we are surrounded by fakeness! It comes through in little actions like talking to someone when you really don't want to talk to them, etc. In short, I don't think there's anywhere you're likely to find someone that is completely harmonious with you... If I do, I'd like to tell you somehow -just for the sake of being proved wrong ;)

I can feel where you are coming from, but what do you mean by "equal" to you? Do you mean that they should possess the qualities you listed or that they need to have an almost identical personality? I try to be as unbiased as possible and can proudly say that I can think for myself. I like to think I am not easily manipulated but I have never been around manipulative people, so I wouldn't know really.

Even if I did possess those qualities, was a smart as you, and had the same interests as you, that does not mean you would like me at all. The best thing you can do is give people a chance, it takes time to get to know someone, you have to be open minded too (which seems to be something you are looking for in others) otherwise you will overlook a potentially awesome friendship due to your own standards.

>>7 What I mean by my equal has to do with being on the same level of awareness or kind of thought process as me. I'm not saying I'm smarter than anyone and don't think that's a good word to use with this. Being open-minded is pretty accurate in what I'm looking for.

I should point out that at this point I don't think it's a choice if I were to consider someone as a friend. For example, we don't choose whether we like certain kinds of food (and please don't expand on that analogy). I do consider myself open-minded however we never know how biased or influenced our decisions are. I don't dislike anyone or anything so I don't think the problem is there. It just sounds like the typical answer that pretty much means to settle.

>>6 You sound like you get it. I totally get what you mean with your dream. I wish about that kind of thing as well. With real life I don't think it will be that simple or convenient, let alone that pure...but I guess you never know and it'll be something like that anyway. My natural thoughts on life was that we weren't meant to be alone so are you saying that you think we will always be alone (or something like that)? I mean, it kind of makes sense, we were born alone so who we meet is all up to luck and in life we are the only ones that we can truly rely on.

Man this would be a lot easier if I wasn't so bad at explaining things. I think iyou're starting to get it now though...This thread's given me a headache so I'll just leave it with whatever I said.

I think it's almost impossible for us to find that "ideal" friend we always wanted but instead of searching for that one person we should be more interested in making the ideal bonds with the people we encounter everyday.

I don't think it's possible to have a perfect friend. And you're probably like: "Oh, another person is telling me to just settle." But that's really the cold hard truth. I have many very close friends, and they constantly get on my nerves, piss me off, argue, see things differently, and can even be shallow and mean at times. But the thing is, a friend isn't always about have someone like you and agree with you and make you happy. You only become happy and friends when you know you can fall from a 300 story building and they will do everything they can to save you. Thats the ideal bond. Full of trust, and love, and you will know you're friends when you can openly embarrass them, fight with them, disagree with them, and even separate, and at the end of all that, you know the both of you will still be friends. Thats what friendship is about. It's not about who, when, where, or why, it's about finding even the most horrible person (I know i HATED my best friend when we first met) And building that special connection that can't be severed no matter what. And maybe, just maybe, when you give someone a chance, and get to know them, then, you'll see they may not be equal to you, but have many commendable things about them. Because no one will ever be equal to anyone. We're all just much too different for that, it's impossible to have a set scale.

A perfect friend doesn't imply someone you'd never disagree or fight with. They are, though, someone you recognize to the point of 'feeling' them within you (at least to me). Friendship may be something you build, but there are a few people we are born with bonds to (again, my speculation).

A point that I want to make here for today is this. Too often people set goals that are not worth making in my opinion. The goal of friendship, the goal of marriage. If one makes those states the goal, then you will settle eventually (unless you happen to find exactly who you are looking for before that time). For myself, if I can help it, I never settle...on anything. Case and point, I have realized that I did not choose the right field in my undergraduate career. But I'm not going to make the mistake of settling with a career that I am not devoted to. I'm going back to school, even though I just finished. I'll get a job doing something I'm less interested in just to get by, but I'm going to go back for something I'm truly devoted to.

>>8 I'll respond to your questions if you're still interested in hearing anymore that I might have to say...but maybe just knowing there's someone else who can level with you may be all you really wanted - honestly, I never thought I'd be sharing some of my many revelatory dreams here ;)

>>11 It's still really weird for me that someone actually understand that much of what I was saying...It's true that for now I am satisfied just knowing that people like you actually exist. It's up to you if you want to talk more on it because I'm still curious as to what you'd say. I don't know how well I can express/ explain what I have to say but I can still talk more on it if you're up to it. But like I said it's up to you so I don't mind either way.

>>12 Hahaha I really can't believe there's someone who actually thinks I have something worthwhile to say...it's a relief I guess ;) I've got quite a bit of work to be doing, but I'll be back here sometime soon.

Bump

You might have autism. Not being mean Im being serious.

I'll be your friend... I'm sort in the same boat I guess.