A really long version turned short...er.

A year ago, I had a fight with my then-boyfriend. After being compared to his ex-girlfriend (overall, a really not good person) and being accused of cheating, I did the stupid thing of drinking heavy and kissing another male friend who had shown interest in me, in turn becoming a cheating bad person. Feeling guilty then, I told then-boyfriend and broke it off because I had seen enough relationships where one partner cheats and they remain together (not pretty at all) and felt worse than the scum of the earth and did not deserve him (at the time).

A week later, he decided to "feel bad" about an incident with a female friend of his (she had kissed him while he was sleeping and it woke him up). At this point it didn't phase me so I asked him to please leave me alone.

He persisted to contact me, insisting to hang out and still being friends. I declined on multiple occasions (to meet up), saying it's not good and you don't get over people like that, please give me until the new year...which didn't happen. His behavior escalated from mild stalking and guilt tripping to reading my skype messages (he admitted to hacking in after confrontation), then to moderate stalking, email and account hacking, blackmail, to my tire being slashed. even calling about my whereabouts and saying i was lying about where i was staying.

Thankfully all this has passed since mid-January, after I had a friend call my ex to tell him I would replace a restraining order otherwise. i had my friend call because after the tire incident, i was literally a hysterical mess at that point and went as far as to stay at a friend's place in northern california for a few days to feel safe and called my friend after a few days of reaching my destination.

I understand my action, that started all of this, was not ok. I don't believe anyone should be cheated on. I messed up one night. It's not the end of the world, I get that. I've learned my lesson. But I still feel guilty.

I've left out a lot of details, but I'm just wondering if this is "normal". I have no feelings towards my ex other than mild sense of fear, at this point (my brain also goes "why would he waste his time on trash like you after the threat of restraining order" so...logic is keeping me a little more sane nowadays). But the guilt is still there from time to time, but when it hits, I feel low about myself. i've come to terms

the one thing i do feel bad about, is making my ex to sound like a extreme creeper...i...want to think he's not like that. prior to all of this, he had never shown signs of being super possessive, obsessive, and being that scary. while he was like that, i didn't know if i was just lied to about who he was or what. i don't...really know how to feel about that. he literally went from being my best friend to...well....that. and then calling me trash, which was ok at that point because he left me alone.

maybe you'll think poorly at this point. i don't know. but i'm just asking how to ease the guilt till it's nothing more than dulled. i can't go back in time and fix what i did (unless i magically become a time traveller lol). i'm rambling at this point, i apologize. but advice is much needed and is very welcomed.
thank you for your time.

>>1 you can't change the past and sometimes it gets hard, but moving on is really important. However, he didn't really give you the chance to move on, which isn't fair at all. Think of it this way, he could have done something really awful to you if you would have stayed with him, it's a good thing that you left him when you did. You weren't wrong to leave him after cheating, you also didn't mean to cheat, you did the right thing and told him the truth, he was the one who couldn't move on properly.
The guilt may always be there, just like a lot of emotions are, but just try to ignore it and tell yourself that you are a wonderful person, that you're moving on, and that you've learned from your mistakes. I hope this helps ^.^

1. Police
2. Probably shouldn't cheat again (btw ending the relationship after you cheat on a guy makes you seem slutty or gives them the "you dumped me to be with other guys" vibe). Too be honest you should've left the decision to end the relationship up to him since YOU'RE the one who kissed another guy. But he is a psycho so at the end you really dodged a bullet there.