So, I recently found out that I'm pregnant. I'm okay with having the baby, and so is my boyfriend.
The only problem is that my parents, his parents, he and I are all struggling financially.
My boyfriend and I are also in our final year of college, so we're about to be in a shit ton of debt too.

So, I have absolutely no idea what to do.
Should I keep (and if so, what should I do about money?)
or should I abort?

I don't think it's worth aborting if it's been over 4 months now. According to Islam (if you believe in religion) after 120 days, that's when the soul of the child is blown into the fetus. Oh and uh this is why we use protection....

>>2
It's been about a month.
Also, we did use protection (condoms). It didn't seem like it broke or anything, so didn't get Plan B

That's hard. I say you continue on your pregnancy, if you're still really tight on budget, give it up for abortion. No one should deprive someone the right to live.

Either abort or set it up for instant adoption. You are in no situation to have a child and survive. Also bad idea to ask strangers, a large chunk of which are underage and have no experience in this ordeal, these kinds of questions.

^oh gosh, im so sorry. *give it up for adoption* not abortion, ah stupid me.

>>1 both of you want the baby so keep it, it wouldn't be fair to abort it. You could also put the baby up for adoption as well. Finically, there are benefits to having a child and there are support programs as well, just research it some more and have hope. I hope this helps.

I'm not against abortion, but I don't believe it's the best option in this case. If you feel that you can carry out the pregnancy without any significant harm to yourself, please do so.
Now, as for whether you keep the baby once it's born, it sounds like it would not be best for you or the baby to keep it. Adoption is not the only option for you though. It sounds like you and your boyfriend's parents are not capable of supporting your child, but perhaps you could pass care onto another close family member. That way you would still be close to the child, and could perhaps even take care back when you are older and more financially stable.
If you do decide to pursue an adoption, you may want to ask for an open adoption. That way, you can still pursue a relationship with your child if you wish. I think it is best to always leave that option open.
Lastly, if you do decide to keep the baby, this is a very personal opinion of mine but please consider marrying your boyfriend. It is so important to a child to have stability as he or she grows older. Also, like >>7 said, you can look into support programs. Even the Dollars may be able to help.

Best of luck to you and your family, Juliette. I hope that this turns out to be a blessing in disguise for you, or at least not a cause of pain. Please tell us what you decide :) but also don't rush your decision too much (besides the concept of abortion); you have eight months to figure out the rest.

tl;dr Do what you can to keep the child as close as possible, as long as it is good for you and him or her. We're here for you :)

>>8 "Lastly, if you do decide to keep the baby, this is a very personal opinion of mine but please consider marrying your boyfriend. It is so important to a child to have stability as he or she grows older."

I think that's a terribly inappropriate thing to bring up right now, Tsu. That has absolutely nothing to do with that child's future and stability. As someone who grew up under a single parent, I find it rude and unnecessary to tell someone that their child will not have stability unless they have two married parents. Divorce itself later on could be an even greater strain than one of the parents walking out on the relationship.

Your personal opinion on the morals of raising a child with or without a marriage involved has no place in this discussion and should not have any affect on this poor girl's life choices.

>>1 This is up to you.

If you want to go through another eight months with the child, then do so. But do not choose what you're doing with that child now if you do. Your opinion after carrying that baby in your stomach and changing your entire life as it is could have a huge impact on what you want to do with it. The last thing you should do is have it set in stone that you're put it up for adoption / giving it away, only to have it turn out later on that you really do want to keep it.

Now, abortion vs to term. If you can afford an abortion (or have a free clinic nearby) and you honestly don't believe your body can handle it or simply don't want to spend another eight months limiting yourself as drastically as you will have to (no alcohol, no drugs, no sports, only mild desk work, possibly frequent sickness / aches and pains / etc.), then get an abortion.

But if you want to keep it, then you need to consider your situation. Financially. Perhaps being in financial strain for a few years is worth having your own baby and future child to take care of? Or perhaps you need to consider becoming independent from your parents before you choose anything; their opinions shouldn't have an impact on your decision because you shouldn't be relying on their money in the first place if you're graduating from college with a dedicated boyfriend. If you want to keep it, then you need to really step it up for the next few months to get financially ready for it (you probably won't be able to work by the third trimester, so get a job (or another job) now and do it while you can).

Whatever your decision is, good luck, and don't let anyone sway you one way or the other without your honest interest being there. And I'd also like to commend you boyfriend for sticking to you; hopefully he'll stay through it all.

Don't fuck this child up. Abort.

By having a parent that isn't ready, it will suffer in the long run.

Thanks so much for the responses.
I told my parents, and my parents contacted my grandparents who are more than willing to help me have and keep the baby.

It's also good to know that there are financial support for me, and I'll work to look about them.

As for the general age group of this, I'm new and I have a tendency to believe people are around my age group, if not older. I believe that regardless someone's age, each person can give me some sort of insight that another person wouldn't be able to.

As for marriage, I think that having two parents is better when raising a child.
However, should my boyfriend be completely incompetent as a father, and chooses to act in ways that endanger me and my child, then I will be a single mother, and have absolutely no regrets.

>>14 >>15 that's great! Good luck~! :3

Please, the baby is innocent. :( It has nothing to do with your problems. If the baby is born, you will find the true happiness in life. And besides your husband is going to graduate so he can work. How many months?

>>17 Read through the previous posts before you comment :L

>>14 >>15 That is so great, it sounds like the best outcome possible :D Really, reading that just made me so happy I might cry~

>>10 Calm your titties, bambi. I did say it was a very personal opinion and said only that she should consider marriage. To clarify, I think that people who are going to be parents should think very seriously about the kind of commitment they are going to have to each other in the coming years. This is in the case that it sounds like Juliette is in, where the commitment of marriage would not usually be something they would consider due to their life circumstances, and also where the people involved are two responsible adults who feel that they can handle this development together maturely. Essentially, I'm saying that if Juliette and her boyfriend intend to stay together, it may make sense for them to be married, and that they shouldn't rule it out.

>>19 Tsu, 100% of what I said still applies in response to this. It's inappropriate and doesn't belong in this discussion. Just because you personally feel that marriage is a sign of dedication (which it is not, seeing the divorce rates in many major countries) does not mean that it's something you should be pushing onto such a young girl as 'something to consider.' Just because she has a child with a boy who might want to stay around with it? It's ridiculous. But hey, if we're throwing personal opinions around, I might as well join in.

What if it doesn't work out? What if her boyfriend turns out to be a terrible father? She'll have wasted all that money on a wedding, etc. and put herself in a legally binding contract with someone to "show her dedication" only to realize her dedication was in the wrong place. No. There's no reason she should be marrying just because she pregnant and wants to show "commitment." And if she chooses to do that? I won't judge her, but only if it's her personal and honest choice created from her own mind and judgement - not from the suggestion of others.

Marriage is an extremely delicate thing that should not have the input of outsiders to begin with. It has absolutely nothing to do with this discussion. We're talking about a young woman with a whole life ahead of her who isn't even sure if she wants to keep a child or not. Let her worry about that on her own without people feeling the need to remind her that it's an option on the table.

>>20 Why is everyone else's opinion, by contrast, appropriate? Why is tsubaki's opinion being 'pushed' onto this young girl, while others are simply presented?

What was with the 'throwing personal opinions' around? Isn't that the entire point of this thread? Say your opinion on the matter?

You can disagree with her (which you clearly do), but saying her opinion isn't even appropriate to post on this topic? It doesn't really make sense to me.

>>10
> As someone who grew up under a single parent, I find it rude and unnecessary to tell someone that their child will not have stability

This shows how unstable you are

>>22 How so?

>>24
why on earth would you find that rude ?

>>24
why on earth would you find that rude ?

Sorry for >>27; had to look back at the conversation.

>>26 How is it not? Telling someone that they'll be so inept at raising children just because they wish to do it alone that their children will grow up without any sense of stability is absolutely rude. If you can't see that, then there's a problem.

>>14 From the start of the thread, this situation was exactly what I was going to bring up. I was pretty glad to see that it actually happened. Families are pretty great when this kind of thing comes up. Happy to hear they're all in support of you.

You said you're in your final year of college. Do you mean you're wrapping up right now or will graduate next year? What with the complicated nature of pregnancy it might be difficult to try to manage classes at the same time, especially if you're trying to work too. (Which would be a good idea, because money) I don't know your whole situation, but depending, it might be a good idea to try to wait on your final year.



>>28 You know what else is rude? Freaking out about a Personal opinion on the Personal board. Tsu didn't say "get married because your child will have it terribly if you don't." The word "consider" was the main point there. How is it inappropriate to suggest you think about what sort of parental dynamic you present to your children? Your insistence that this suggestion is 100% not ok in a thread about having a kid is unsettling, at /best/.

What chev is saying is that you taking a suggestion and immediately interpreting it as an attack is evidence of a problem on your end. Again, tsu didn't say single parenting can't happen, only that marriage is his/her *personal* preference. All this talk of ineptness came from you.

"What if" huh? - Counterargument: WHAT IF these people view marriage as more than a piece of paper like you've implied and it is EXACTLY what they need to keep them together? What if the child (who will be an entirely different person from you, by the way, thus making your *personal* views on the matter precisely as valid as anyone else') needs both parents together?

I could go on, but I really don't wanna go into psych/socio-analysis mode. I get upset when I do that. Plus, arguing about whose opinions are allowed is *not* what this thread is for.

You guys realize this is 2 months old with the only commentary after the fact is whathisface being a snooty prick, right? Topics finished. If you want to get into the single parent vs duo debate go right ahead just dont do it here

Ah. That's my bad. I wasn't paying attention to the timestamps. I guess addressing OP was pointless.

i think i my be pregnant as well but not sure. im late by almost a month and hoping im not. its not a problem with my spouse. just that im struggling financially and studying really hard to get into med school so it'll pretty much dissolve all my plans. plus i may break up with my spouse because frankly he's an ass. hes emotionally, mentally and physically abusive and i live in constant fear of him seriously damaging me in some way. i even feel like he deliberately damaged the birth control so that he can trap me. not that i consider myself a prize or anything.. just that i put up with a lot of bullshit and generally try to keep people happy. if worse comes to worse i'll have to get an abortion.