Ok so anyway my life SUCKS it is so bad it could be a movie that would make people cry and then glad its not them, I won't go into details...
Anyway I have been losing so much weight...I was at first 90lbs then I gained weight and was 115 now I'm back in the 90's...anyway people are saying im getting too skinny...I want to be skinny!!! I eat and I feel...grotesque! I don't know what's wrong with me. My father doesnt notice though, hell he wouldnt even give a damn.
Also I have been feeling really depressed...I have in a way given up, I'm keeping my grades up, still waking up and doin what I got to do, but the depression is getting to me, I feel like at some point i'm going to snap and just...kill myself. Ive been thinking about it, alot.
I am supposed to take counseling but my parents never took it serious. My brother says people should be able to deal with it themselves...and I have for a long ass time. But theres only so long that a person can go before the, this, whatever the fuck is going on with me takes over and I just collapse.
Any advice???

god put u on earth for a reason. its ok to be skinny. eating is also a part of life. besides, its probrably hormones and puberty. you'll get over it. :]

>>2 umm that's not how it works. At all. It's nothing to do with puberty and hormones, it's a psychological disorder.
>>1 most likely, you might have anorexia which is a serious psychological disorder. You're not crazy, let me clarify that. But it's beginning to be obvious that you can no longer fight it alone, and if it keeps getting worse either your depression will get you or the anorexia will. Either way, you need help.
I hate it when people say that everyone should just look after themselves. No, that's next to impossible and it's perfectly okay to ask for help, especially when you need it.
I urge you to see a therapist as soon as possible, with or without your parents, or just convince them to take you somehow.
Just please don't kill yourself. You also one day need to realize that eating healthy is important and you can still do that and stay skinny and at a healthier weight. A therapist can help. Good luck and keep us updated, we're here for you if you need someone to talk to.

I would talk to a teacher or an adult at School you trust. Or maybe call a suicidal hotline. I was in a similar position in middle school I was anorexic suicidal and addicted to adderal but I turned my life around but needed help to do it. So trust me go to someone at School you trust and talk to them. They'll take it from there.

Bump

thanks for the advice, it means alot...um...well I have gone to the councler before and she had asked me if I was having suicidal thoughts, I had wanted to tell the councler that I have been contemplating it everyday, but I said no...I said I was okay, she had told my parents that I needed to go to outside school counceling, but my parents never set it up.
I want to tell the councler what is going on but I just can't. She would call my parents, and then what?? My father already hates me...I know that sounds dramamtic, but its true, he won't talk to me or even look me in the eye...
It would only make him hate me more, or maybe he'd think i'm just doing all this for attention, plus things like therapy or stuff costs money, It would be a waste of time and money, and in the end no one would benefit. Maybe I would or maybe I would get better, but I would hate knowing that they had to spend money on me.
I have been eating lately, Im doing better at that, still don't like it, I look in the mirror and its like I can see the fat...
My brother seems to notice, but I can't tell him, "Hey...I want to die...sorry..."
He'd tell me not to be stupid.
Maybe I am...

>>6 you are absolutely not stupid. And I understand what you're going through, I've wanted to tell my parents what I was going through and get therapy but they'd just brush it off as if I was faking the seriousness. What I think you should do is get rid of most of your mirrors, stop looking at yourself and just believe that eating is healthy and you're beautiful and skinny. Try your best to not think about what you look like on the outside and just focus on being healthy on the inside. And just remember that you're strong and suicide won't solve anything. We're here if you need someone to talk to ^^

thankyou

thankyou

I think if you feel alright, you probably are. Don't worry about eating more persay, just eat healthily. If you aren't feeling bad, getting sick, headaches, etc, you're probably doing alright. If you're happy with how you look and feel, why change?

About depression, I'm not a professional counselor, but from my experience sometimes it's just there. For no particularly good reason, thinking about why you're depressed doesn't really have any value because alot of times when you can't think of a reason, there really is no reason for it. So just let it exist and keep on going. It's hard to describe, but I think sometimes it even feels good to feel depressed... Well, I don't have depression persay but I do get stressed and that's what I'm relating it to.

Aside from Phonecall Phobia, there's another thing going around I've recognized to be 'chronic boredom'. If you believe you've contracted this ailment, I've heard tell that good books and productive work often contribute to improving the subject. see you around Rin!

If you feel uncomfortable talking to a school councilor or you just don't want to admit that you are having these thoughts, then maybe just trying to work up the courage or the will to admit it should be the first goal. I know that sometimes people don't receive the help they want/need when they cannot admit there is a problem in the first place. You most definitely aren't stupid and not crazy. If these thoughts of giving up are reoccurring then I would try to find someone to talk to. It doesn't even have to be a professional, just someone who will care to listen to you and give you bits of advice. SOOOO kinda like this thread except a physical person. It makes a world of a difference.

thanks for the advice it means alot

I have stopped eating again...um I am happier though, never told the councler, I think my friend knows though...pretty good so far. pretty good

>>13 you need to eat. Happy or not, you need to eat. And you really should tell your counsellor. Talk to your friend about it, they may be able to help you. Good luck.

I have decided to just go where the wind blows. Thanks guys