When, I was younger I had a "friend", who was so nice to me (I was new in the neighborhood) and he even introduced me to his friends. But one day, I overheard him talking to those friends about how annoying and awful I was.
Ever since then (especially now for some reason) I've been having trouble believing that my friends are actually my friends and aren't just pretending.
But when I think like that I feel guilty and make myself feel worse. Would someone mind giving me advice?

There's something we call society. And as you know, people don't like being left out. Lonely. When you are lonely you become depressed and stressed. Humans dislike the feeling of those, so they try to make themselves happy, by faking an identity to make those other surrounding people like them. And trust is truely hard in this world, so you have to learn more of that person before you tell your secrets or etc with them. That is why we were given time here on Earth ^^ That's only one of my logic

Also. You shouldn't look down on yourself. I'm sure you're a great person that's really fun to talk to in many ways. Don't let it bother you too much just because of a moron's mistake of saying those words that are untrue. If that is his opinion, then you can go find better friend's by being yourself!

>>1 I have trust issues too so I understand. You feel guilty because you have a conscience and that's normal. But it isn't wrong of you to be a little distrusting of people, there are a lot of ways to get hurt out there. You shouldn't be fully trusting of everyone but if you want to change then the only way to do it is by giving people a chance little by little, just be careful of who you chose to trust. I hope this helps ^^

>>3
I don't want to be the bearer of bad news but his words aren't "untrue". If that is indeed how he feels, then those words are as true to him as life is to us. Opinions are all true. Some are just stupid to the rest of us.

>>4
Actually, you should distrust people a lot, especially these days. I mean, you don't have to go on a 'go fuck yourself' campaign or anything, but take everything with a grain of salt unless you have absolute confirmation. The birth of the internet has resulted in a lot of people thinking they can troll both online and IRL, and get away with it. Don't give anyone a chance unless you are ready to get betrayed or lied to.

And finally, OP.

>>1
Here is the conclusion I personally reached after many years of observation. You don't need friends. In fact, you would be much better without them. Friends themselves are a pain in the ass. I barely have any myself. Of course, that isn't going to work now is it? There aren't a lot of people willing to choose the loner life.

I have adopted a sort of system used to deal with this. It's basically indifference but isn't. When I meet someone, I befriend them if I feel like it (with all my charisma) but I understand something from the start. I understand that they may betray me and lie. I prepare myself for that from the start. However, I weigh each potential area they can betray me in. If they talk shit about me behind my back, so what? If they say I'm annoying, I'll evaluate it. I'll see if what they say has some relevance to me. If it does, I'll fix it. I still won't talk to them because they didn't have the balls to confront me about it and if I do forgive them, I'll treat them as if they aren't worth shit to me. Remember, they lost YOU, not the other way around. Make them rely on you.

It's basically realizing that people can't hurt you unless you let them. Emotionally, that is.

Your case is rather mild and easy to deal with. I actually had a so-called "friend" of mine betray me to the point that I got arrested and sent to jail. When things can escalate like this, shit gets real and people start dying. That's why you never let it reach that point.

Point is, I don't care if you betray me. You aren't even needed for my existence. Friends are a commodity not a necessity.

And I swear if I ever meet that asshole again, he's dead.

>>1 It's just my opinion based on what I've seen and experienced in my life. Maya, I'm sure most of people in this world have some bad thought or opinion about their friends in their mind. I think that's normal. Why? Because human is a unique creature (yes, just like what Izaya said). We have different point of view, personality, background, and other factors which make us so unique to each other. That's why people is easy to judge others based on their point of view, 'he is so annoying' or 'he is a bad person'. But, maybe there are some people who have opposite opinion with them. And because we have different personality and point of view, we will never understand every human and feel comfortable on everyone's side. There are many possibilities of the reason why your friend put on mask in front of you while bad-mouthing you in the back. Maybe he needs you as a friend, but he doesn't feel comfortable around you. Or actually he doesn't want to be your close friend in the first place.

So, it's okay to feel like that, because you have experienced something that was forced you to create that thought. I also feel insecure about friendship. And you know what? Honestly I have some bad opinion about my best friends, too. But for me, it's normal. They can have some bad opinion about me, too. But the most important point is we can bear our best friends' differences or bad side so we can get comfortable with each other. 'Even if she is easy to get angry, she always hears my stories and supports me.' something like that.

So, Maya, it may takes time to heal your insecurity about friendship. All you have to do is observe and decide. Find people who will love you as you are. Don't be afraid with your friends' opinion about you. You will learn how to decide your situation by your own. A best friend who is so dear to me had ever disappoint me. But I learn to forgave her many times as she keeps forgave my mistakes again and again. Because, for me, she has gave me more than the disappointment she made. That makes my bond with her tightened. You should decide what you should do. If he keeps disappointing you and you feel uncomfortable with that, that means it is time for you to move on and create new bond with other person.

That's my personal opinion^^ It's up to you to believe on my opinion or not, because I know you have your own point of view which maybe different from me. The decision is still on you. Good luck, Maya! >w<)/

>>1 Just like the others said, you don't need friends. A close one, perhaps, but you can live without that one. Trust me.

I understand how you feel. I had the naive trust just like you did. And there were 3 people I cared most in this world. And they dissapointed me, one by one.

Don't worry. Just let the things flow and let the time pass by.
You will meet someone extraordinary who will feel blessed to have a great friend such as you.

>>5 XD I tend to do that too. Too filter who is worth being friends with and expect nothing from the start.
I'm sorry for your idiot friend who got you into trouble.

I love the way you pointed out. We don't need friends. And I know that from experience. Who cares about some asshole out there that is 2-faced?

Maya, just be yourself. Don't change because of the world around you. If you are yourself, people who think like you will find you and befriend you. So don't worry, sweetie.

>>7
This is why I don't have friends. I've learned to make a very cruel generalization. My 'friends' go by two levels.
1) I know you exist.
2) You are my nigga.

This makes it easy. Either you made the cut or your got axed. No problems with it so far. The main reason for that is I'm an open person. Very open. Ask me a question and I shall answer it to the best of my ability. So, I don't give people the chance to betray me. I exude the aura of "Get along with me or move along". I don't believe in secrets and people love this about me. I'll flat out ask someone what their problem with me is, to their face. Not aggressively, unless I have to go that route, of course. Of course, that's only if I determine their 'problem' with me will interfere in future prospects. Otherwise, go fuck yourself. I don't have time to entertain the complaints of children.

Btw, I take great offense to that two-faced comment. I have over one-hundred faces or so. :(

About the best friend stuff. I have never, ever, had a true friend disappoint me (partially because I don't get disappointed by people very often). I have a few I can name off. Allain, Carlos, Jorge, Jon, Nick, Ariff, Ryan, and Ruben. The last three are strictly online but mean a lot to me. We have some tempered bonds. Man, I've raged at Allain, Jorge and Carlos to their faces yet we are still some hella friends. Almost came to blows with Jorge like three times now. Jon and I have been through some shit. I've known Ariff almost as long as Carlos and Allain, since high school. It just...goes. Those friends you find that you believe in, forge those bonds. They will last forever if you want them to. It'll take some work and probably a lot of tears, but totally worth!

>>6
Great post, good read.