>>14 so you're nostalgic about your life together, what you need to consider is that she most likely has changed over the time that you've known her, you could have feelings for a person that doesn't necessarily exist anymore.
You're in a dilemma of sorts, the question is whether or not to keep talking to her, so here are a few questions to ask yourself.
Does she really want to be with me, or am I just being used (in a way)?
Do I really want to be with her? Like I said before, she could be a different person, and she could be a poison of sorts in your life if she's hurting you that much.
Do I want a relationship with her? If you want to at least be friends then make that clear, that you're there for her but nothing romantic because that would hurt you.
Do you want a romantic relationship with her and is it worth all that pain to pursue it? Now I similarly know what that feels like, but sometimes it's worth the pain and other times it's like a test to see whether or not you can walk away from that pain and find something better.
My recommended course of action.
You could just tell her how she's hurting you (if you already haven't done so,) and that you don't want to hurt her, and just telling her all of your built up emotions and feelings. Just tell her everything, everything built up over so much time, get it off your chest, you're a writer so send this to her in a message, I think it would be next to impossible to get all of that out in speech. But whatever you do, do it in a way that you're not acting upon your pure emotions.
That's just something I've learned from my limited experience, I think putting everything into words and clicking send without any hate or feelings of anger was the hardest thing that I've ever done, but it was worth it, so just don't get angry. It can either strengthen your relationship towards something real or help you move on without any regrets.
I hope this helps, best of luck!
