Hello people can someone please listen to me? I have terrible family problems and feel like I cant stand it anymore im an only child who has grown up watching her parents fight since I can remember, the little family members to which I could have a good time with are already dead, I have almost no friends at school, the teachers dont like me neither my classmates cause Im kind of weird, antisocial and I like reading. Lately (a year ago) my dad disapeared (later i knew that he was in jail because of a business problem--dont ask i dont really know what happened) and my mom and i passed to the custody of my uncle who didnt gave us money at all (yep my dad prefered to give his money and possesions to his brother instead of his daughter and wife) so we had economic troubles and we also didnt had enough even for eating. Later (like 6 months ago) he gets out and comes back home and the first two moths went okay but then he started AGAIN with his BAD DRINKING HABIT (which he has had since I remember) and its so terrible cause he is so violent and agressive and later he doesnt remember what he said and he doesnt admits he has a problem instead he gets angry and starts yelling at us and sometimes when his very very drunk (to the point that he cant even walk and if he does he goes directl to the bathroom to puke) he starts to tell rude things to my mom and to talk about other women which we dont even know and he talks like hes having an affair or something like that and just now the thing just exploded cause on Sunday he was gone all day came back during the night very very drunk saying such things and then just went away God knows where didnt came to the house on Monday and today Tuesday he just comes to the house chewing gum saying hello daughter how are you? I CANT STAND THAT!!! neither my mom after insulting us (and its not the first time) just coming like that as if nothing ever happened, I have already talked to him many times about this, about his drinking problem and about everything and Ive also talked to my mom to forgiv him or just to keep talking to him but now IT JUST EXPLODED!!! and tomorrow I have my school "festival" and my class is doing a play and i need to be there and I didnt wanted to have problems because of them cause if i let them go as they are Im going to need to be looking after them not to start fighting there and not making a show and if i do that i wont concentrate in my lines and if i don concentrate im going to screw it up and its going to be another problem. SO I told them that if they were going to be like that i didnt want them to assist and they got angry and both started yelling and now its worse than ever. p.s I cut myself and i have thought about dying but im afraid of it, its also like if i heard someone talking inside my head, i think im running inside because of this. also because of my family problems i cant go out with my friends cause if i go out the probabilities of having more problems are almost a 100 percent. Now i don know how to end this and im actually more worried about my father not giving money to us than anything and I dont want to have law problems cause i know hes going to wincause he is very into that stuff.
I DONT REALLY KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE, I CANT HELP MYSELF, I CANT HELP MY FAMILY, AND IF THIS CONTINUES I WONT BE ANYONE CAUSE IM GOING TO BE ALWAYS HERE LIKE THIS, AND I KNOW ITS WRONG TO SAY THIS AND I FEEL BAD ABOUT SAYING IT BUT I SUPPOSE ILL JUST LET IT SINK IN THE INTERNET CAUSE I KNOW NO ONE IS GOING TO REPLY BUT THIS IS KIND OF MY LIFE AND I CANT DO ANYTHIN ABOUT IT AND I KNOW SOMEWHERE IN THE PLANET MAY BE SOMEONE WHO IS HAVING A LIFE WORST THAN THIS BUT REALLY WHY DO WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS?? WHAT DID I DO?? maybe i ll just erase this later sorry if i bothered someone.Sorry for my english im not a native speaker.

If you can't live with your uncle i suggest you or your mother get a job and get an apartment. I wouldn't know but maybe try asking someone in your mothers family for help. Maybe asking them to let you stay at there house for a few months until you save some money. Probably not of much help but hope you figure something out.

>>1 Your parents' lives are not your problem anymore. You've done enough and gone through enough of it already. You can't really do anything about them, they're adults and they'll deal with their problems by themselves. Now what you need to do is start focusing on school and doing well enough that you can move out after graduation and work and support yourself and maybe even your mom if you can later on. I know that it's tough with school and all but if you're worried about food then you should really get a part-time job, I agree with what >>2 said.
Now stop thinking so negatively, easier said than done I know but, it's essential, be optimistic about your future. There's nothing wrong with being anti-social and book loving so don't try to change yourself, there is nothing wrong with you. Don't hurt yourself. Don't think about suicide. It's never the answer. Ever. If you think you need help then see a psychiatrist when you can. Focus on your future and making it a bright one. Anyone can make a nice future for themselves, it takes work and compromise so keep at it, keep working for it, you'll get there one day and you'll have friends who care for you too. I hope that I helped, don't be afraid to ask for help here, that's what the dollars are for :3 <3 let us know how it goes for you if you want. ^^

"Everyone is entitled to their own sorrow. For the heart has no metrics or form of measurement and all of it, irreplacable" -Roosterteeth
This is my favourite quote simply because of it's meaning. You're not the only one with problems, that's true and some people have worse situations BUT that doesn't mean that your situation is any less than theirs. It's your problems and your emotions that are effected by it. Hell I have problems myself, although not quite as severe as yours I've been in a similar emotional state...
So whenever you feel like that again, whenever you're at the edge just remember this before you reach for a blade:
Help can always be found, maybe not always within another person and maybe not today. But if you keep looking then one day you'll find the place where your light will shine through the darkness... and on that day you'll look back and see how much better you've become as a person and how important it was to keep going through the dark times...
On that day when you find happiness and relief and help yourself I hope you can truly smile and that you can share that with others who need someone to listen to them as well.

As much as I want to say that I understand your position I can't simply by principle. I will say that there are a lot of similarities though like I have a very bad relationship/ situation with my parents but it's more of a fake love kind of thing that just doesn't feel right. I am lonely even if I have "friends" because it just isn't real. I have also considered suicide many times but more because my life seems really pointless. The thing about suicide is that it's a one way door. There's no turning back. The reason I haven't killed myself yet is because the future is unpredictable and I don't know what's going to happen. Even though the physical world might be really painful and lonely, online you can have real friends who make life a whole lot easier. We (or at least me) will be there for you to help you through this.
As far as quotes go my favourite one for a long time has been this. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" -Plato simply because if life is so hard and painful for me, it could be just as bad or worse for others. It's also because we never know what other people are thinking and you will probably find that lots of people are in heaps of pain but aren't showing it or telling anyone. It helped my way of thinking not to judge anyone because we would probably do the same things in their shoes.
Just remember, "if the world didn't suck we'd all fall off" :D
Also, feel free to look at my thread on having real friends. There's a lot of lonely people who have difficult lives so our job is to be there for each other.