A few days ago,my elementary, middle school, and high-school bully asked me "Why do you hate me?"

Don't get me wrong, I hate him more than anything I've ever hated in my life. But I do not express my hate to him. I am actually pretty nice to him because I follow the principle of being a bigger person and always be nice to your enemy. But before Christmas break I was talking to a friend and we were talking about people we don't like. I might have said it way to loud and he heard me.

He is a douchebag who only cares about himself, makes fun of other people to make himself seem bigger. He also try's whatever he can to do to become popular like doing drugs, sagging pants, all that. Sure, I am against doing these things but I have to respect peoples lifestyles. Although I do get pissed when he constantly makes fun of me.
For example, I of all my luck, had to get stuck with him for a week at camp. Not only did he constantly make fun of me, he made comments, told lies to people about me, and ruined every chance with a girl I talked to by telling them I am extremely nasty and rude. That's only a weeks example, of the 5 years he as bullied me.

Now to the problem now. People are telling me to get over it, that I should just forgive him, that I am just over reacting. You know what, I probably would have, if he actually stopped, and said sorry for the years of bullying.

Also, I know someone is going to bring it up
But no I have not brought things to violence, because I refuse to get in trouble in chances of being expelled or arrested. And In the society I live in snitching will be worse than any trouble you can get.

as you might know bullys generally are jealous of the people that they bully around and/or they might have something personal in there life that is negative. so they act out against others. and you just might be his target for what ever reason.
i agree with your way of dealing with him. i agree you are the better person in this conflict.
here is my question to you, have you ever thought about asking him why he is/has been a bully to you for no reason? and word it in to a way that makes him think about his actions. and then if you can tell him you would forgive him and let go of that hate if he would just be a man and apologize? but of course do this in a nice and serious way. never let him perceive a weak stop in your words or demeanor. it might make it worse.

I want you to define the kind of bullying that he did.

It sounds a bit like he was just one of those rough socialisers from school and you took it a bit too personally.

I was bullied in middle school. It sucked. It was the 'push him into lockers, call him a midget, demand his gum, and rant about how he's a loser' kind of thing. I've actually gotten friendly with him now, he got over whatever was happening and he's a bit cooler now. We're in the same guild in WoW. I think his parents got divorced.

I still haven't forgiven him for that time, mind you.

There was a time when I just straight up started ignoring him. I just said nothing. That never works with bullies, but something happened. He said to me, "hey, why aren't you saying anything?" I responded, "because you've been an asshole to me for so long, yet you still expect me to want to talk to you."

I did take a bit more of a direct approach, but I could tell that it got to him. He responded with the classic "I'm just messing with you man," type of comment. I didn't buy it for a second.

If I were to do it again, I wouldn't change anything. Stick to your guns man, that's what I'm trying to get at. If you said you hated him and he heard, well then whoop-de-do. It's his fault, not yours. If he asked me, then I would tell him that he's been a jerk for the past five years, that he hardly has the right to ask why you hate him, and you'd rather not talk to him.

Sources: My experience.

>>3 At first when we were little it was physical/Verbal. But still following the principles I believe in now, I never really did anything but just ignore him so he would stop. I've tried to be friends with him but he just constantly made fun of me and did things that caused me alot of harm. I know its gotten down alot during the years but he still constantly does it.

I have asked him why, his response was "Its funny."
That was a few months ago, ever since then I truly have hated him.

To add on to the problem. People keep telling me that ever since he found out I hate him. I'm apparently the bad guy now because he is getting depressed, I have been feeling so guilty for the past few days but I don't know if I should take it back and forgive him. I hate that I have caused pain to him even though he has to me for the past 5 years. But does he really deserve it? He has not even said sorry, I think he is kinda confused on what he did. Can a person not even realize what he did for the past 5 years? Spreading rumors, harassing,constantly lowering my self esteem by calling me names, and or trying to mess with me. I take into consideration that I have been ignoring him for the past five years, but when I do have to be with and trying not to be rude I try to make him laugh and act as friendly as possible but yet he still finds a way to make fun of me.
Am I being week?
Should I apologize?
Is what I am doing right?
Please help...

>>4 Wow, thanks for that. I really appreciate it! I guess your right, he did the exact same thing your bully did, of course a little different. I still do feel guilty because maybe he had no idea what he was doing, although I still doubt it. The reason I was always avoiding him was because I didn't want anything to do with someone who abused me and hurt me. I guess I just want him to apologize, but even if he does he still has to learn how to change that because I still don't want to be with that kinda person.

You don't have to forgive him if you don't want to. It may have been a while ago, but often bullying has long term effects. The people who are telling you to are inconsiderate. I was bullied for three years and my bullies had all the same class periods as me and no one ever stood up for me, not even my 'friends'. So I know what you're going through.

>>1 listen, it's okay to feel anger to someone who has been mean to you but hatred isn't the right way to feel about a person. Hatred festers and it's unhealthy to hate, although your hatred may be justified doesn't mean that you should feel that way. Dislike is much better. And you aren't wrong to feel that way and yes it's not fair for other people to make you feel guilty because you're not ready to forgive, but just remember, you need to forgive him sometime, mean people are usually mean for a reason.

>>6
Don't feel guilty. I think that most bullies realize what they do, but I'm no psychologist.

And yeah, even if he does apologize, I can understand if you wouldn't want to be around someone who hurt you. Believe me, I still feel uneasy around my bully. He still can be a dick at times, frankly (in fact, some of my other friends call him 'The Sponge' because he sucks the fun out of everything).

I'd bet the person you're dealing with has really low self-esteem but tries not to show it. Maybe they're a little pompous or have a sense of bravado? My guy is like that. In WoW he PvPs and constantly brags about his DPS and how 'these kids blow,' and how he 'could one-shot this children.' It probably gives him a sense of power.

Well in all honesty, I can tell you this. This is your decision, nobody else's. So why should they care? They're not you to understand your hatred. "You" govern "your life" the way you want it to be. You make the decisions, and you decide what you want to do. If people think you're overreacting, it's only because they obviously don't see the big picture. You literally have to be blind to not see that. It's kinda noticeable since it's "bullying" so I don't understand why no one gets it. It's almost as if this is all just a game and that, they've been playing you for so long that they don't even want to throw down anymore cards that they've held up their sleeve. In that meaning, it only shows that they just don't have anymore tricks left. And they are willing to convince you into losing a game they've started and thought would win. The cycle will continue, but people that don't want it to be like that can change it if they are willing to try. So far it looks like they are giving it a shot. But you can stop that and make a difference and prove them wrong. In this situation I can also say this. You can forgive him, the one whose caused you grief. Yet that doesn't mean that you don't have to stop hating him. You can literally walk up and say "I forgive you, for all those messed up years you've caused me. But I still hate you and that's not gonna change. This is what you wanted right? To be forgiven? Well you got it. But me being like a follower to you and not thinking twice about what you did to me isn't going happen. If you think grudges are stupid then stop causing them. Because I for sure know that I'm not gonna say "you're a good guy" because I already know that you're not." I mean this is only if you really do hate him. And if you know you are still gonna hate him in the future till you won't have to see him anymore.
I don't think this is being helpful though. Since it's more straightforward instead sugar coating the obvious. You probably shouldn't even do this or read this because it's more of go-out-and-do-effect instead of it-gets-better. Look I'm sorry, if this isn't what you were looking for. It's just that I know what it feels like to go through this. And having to pick up after everyone it's not fun, it freaking sucks. My apologizes again for not being of much use.

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>>10

Thank you all so much, I think I know what Im gonna do now and I feel alot better. And 720, don't worry you gave some really good advice and I really appreciate it! I'm so thankful for being in the dollars. Thank you! I will be following all of your advice :)

I'll be honest in that a lot of the bullies I hated the very moments they did bully me. be it calling me names or spreading weird rumors I just hated them. The worst was probably this kid who during middle school made fun of me cause I believed in God. Now don't get me wrong I don't call out any one on their own beliefs, I leave them alone, but this kid would constantly, constantly torment and ridicule me because of my beliefs and also because of my ethnicity. It just really pissed me off but then now as a young college student I don't feel anything. Now a lot of those bullies are shit out of luck, drinking, smoking, and in a lot of trouble. Mostly juvie or jail. The one particular bully that really pissed me off though I still hate but now I'll just lie in wait. Eventually what's coming to him will come to him, I can move on with my life.

I was bullied since I started school (6 years old), because my brother was known by older students as the ''Russian kid who is crazy'' even though we weren't Russian. At first it was mean names and ignoring, then my classmates threw snowballs at me. At second grade, I usually cried somewhere and I was once pushed to a corner of a sandbox which gave me a concussion. I don't remember what happened after that, but I do remember when I woke up my mom was crying next to me.
When I got my first phone(at age 9), I was prank called and sent horrible texts like: ''omg u r so fat go and die :D''. Next year I was highly distant and I started to like anime and manga, which I kept in private. At age 11-12 I was suicidal, I almost took my life until brother came home and was shocked. He never told parents though.
I decided to go to another school to study after preschool, where I made my first best friend. I was diagnosed with few mental illnesses and I started to loose weight. But second year in my new school, my worst bully started to go my new school. She was the worst because she abused me daily and I still cry about it. She once said to me: ''Your mother and father are siblings to each other and you and your brother are retarded crazy people! Your whole family is!''. I am now considering the option to sue her, since it was a defamation. At worst she could get 6 months in prison (By Finland's law chapter 24, point 9).
But now I am not bullied anymore, but I do work alone a lot. I don't trust people anymore much.
I don't know my bullies' motives, because all of them were richer and happier than us. Maybe just me being different...