This is probably gonna be a long one but bear with me -_-
I am seventeen years old, a boy, single, whose intrests are theatre, movies and video games. The thing is, I dream of becoming a movie director in the future, but I have done pretty much nothing to achieve that dream. Actually, Im not sure if its my dream any more, or just a line I keep repeating to people when they ask what I want to become... I have read about movies and watched hundreds from all possible genres, but have yet to tried my hand at making them. The thing is, I am pretty shy and dont have the authority to take control over such a big project. I thought about doing things like screenwriting and lighting/sound but I really want to do my own kind of movies like Tarantino or Kubrick.

My grades arent really that bad, but I know I could do a lot better, my grades are a lot worse than at the start of high school. The thing is, I have no idea what the hell Im studying for. Most of my friends are going to university, but I detest the idea of studying any school subjects after high school. Maybe I shouldnt have attended high school after all... I am thinking about getting a job in a theater as a technician, and studying moviemaking simultaneously (I have some experience with theatre technics) Therein thought lies the reason for my bad grades. I dont think studying in high school has anything to do with my dream, so I just dont bother.

Also, girl problems! I am very romantic person and am obsessed over the thought that I cant be happy without a girlfriend. Three of my good friends already have girlfriends (and a couple of not-that-close-but-years-younger-than-me-friends wich really pisses me off *-_-) so I really want one.
There is one girl wich I like currently. She is on a parallel class where most of my friends are from.... wich is a problem. The last time I confessed to a girl (who was my sisters and mine friend throught theatre) she never contacted me again, stopped visiting the places which she usually went to, and I havent seen her since. It made me really sad because I also liked her as a friend and in retrospect I wish I had stayed quiet and wed still be friends. I dont want the same thing happening again, especially now that were in the same school. Apart from that, I dont think that she has any special feelings for me (unless she is playing tsundere... Wich I doubt -_-). If confessing to her means she will never speak to me again, Id rather say nothing, because we share some intrests like anime, which I really have nobody else to talk to.

Lastly, somewhat related to the paragraph above, I sometimes suffer from depression while thinking about my life and girls. I just feel worthless. I dont cut myself or anything but start I start crying or walk outside for hours just to end up staring at a beautyful view or the house where a girl I know lives. I cant really talk about this to anybody because I am really different around people than when Im alone.

...whew just writing took a weight off my shoulders. If you read this far, have a coke or a candybar for a reward and afterwards (if you feel like you can) please advice me on my dreams, school, girls or/and depression
...Thanks

>>1 Okay first off, get your priorities straight. Dreams are things that you have to work hard for, dreams that are tough to achieve require hard work. If you want to be a big name director then you better get your act together. A technician is a good way to keep in touch with your goal while you're working for it, but if that's all you're planning on doing then you're settling. Going to university or college is a good idea, yes studying can be painful and annoying but there are many programs for media, movies, making of movies, movie effects, directing, acting, producing, etc. so you won't be studying things you don't like the way you do in high school, you'll be studying things you enjoy and are passionate about. It's also a way to explore what you really want to do, like for example you might end up being more passionate about producing than directing. Consider college/university, and to get into a good program make sure that your marks right now are good enough, research your options.

Now onto girls. From what you've wrote it seems as though you just want a girlfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend. Don't think like that, girls don't just become girlfriends, relationships take a lot of effort and stress sometimes. So if you're wanting one just make sure you're mentally prepared. As for the girl you like, go for it! Ask her out to a movie, if she says yes then awesome but if she says no and avoids you then don't sweat it. There are tons of girls in the world and plenty more people to have as friends. As for people to talk about anime with, try the chat here, lots of dollars love anime. Love can find you surprisingly so don't stress about it and try to live regret free and take a few risks.

For depression, try writing more often as a way to relieve stress, that helps me. You may want to get a psychologist's advice/opinion as well.

I hope that helps! :3

Thanks Neko, youre the best :3