I've been dealing with depression, anxiety and a whole list of stuff for 2+ years now and I feel so bad lately that I've been just thinking about endong it...but honestly I'm not ready to kill myself personally and I don't want to have someone find my body. Its gotten to the point where I really don't care what happens to me. Whether I'm kidnaped, or hit by a train, or if I just die on the way. So I think id rather disappear. Basically erase my exsistance from everyones minds and from the world before I end it completely. Kind of on the outside looking in, ya know? I don't know what I'm looking for but I feel like its not here.

The world is not as bad as you think. By disappearing, nothing will change.

You are not only ending your suffering but ending your entire being. There is not nothing but you will be gone.

Not everyone is trying to get you. You do what you want to do and change on your own record.

Bye~ :P

Don't be selfish. There's gotta be some individuals who care about you. If you can't think of anyone, I'm sure there's more than you think. Add me to the list. You may be a stranger, but you're a fellow human being who has personal feelings. Giving up isn't worth it. It'll be ok...

Everything in my life is just starting to crumble...
I can`t find anyone to love about...
Its especially hard now since no one can be able to love anyone or anybody now...
Why am i trying so hard to find love?
Everytime i find someone it always end up bad...
I`m not really sure if finding love for me is even possible..
I`m always going to end up alone..
again.. and again... and again...
I leave everybody else behind or alone...
I guess at times someone or even everyone will have to end up alone...
This is just idiotic...
I want it all to vanish..
Its gotten to the point for me where i don`t know about anything anymore... where nothing matters anymore...
I was stupid to think i can believe from right and from wrong...
And think i can get love in return...
I`m an idiot from the beginning...

>>1 I've thought that way before too, but trust me, just keep holding on to your life, it's your life and no one else's. Things get better trust me, believe in a brighter future and work your way towards one, it's definitely there waiting for you. Don't end it please.

I understand or maybe not. But I do know how it feels to be not noticed, as if you were invisible to all. Almost as if you never existed.
See. During one year of middle school I was when I went not noticed by anyone but friends and was constantly forgotten by my teachers and my classmates. I did have friends though in class, who would stand up and point out my existence, yet it was almost as if everyday I showed up everyone would ask the same question, "Who's that?" or "There's no one by that name" when the the front desk would call my class to have me sent to the office for something.
My teachers would even mark me absent when looking around the class to find me. Keep in mind they would move me to where they can see me. But that didn't seem to help them at all. It sucked and it hurt my friends just the same. They thought of how unfair it was but then again I had my perks to get away with some stuff. Though that only lasted for so long. Because I got the feeling of loneliness and slowly it was almost as if I was starting to forget myself.
I would sulk sometimes and discuss some things with my friends about my problems but they couldn't help much. Though I was glad they tried.
Now in years where I'm way older I look at myself and take a glance around to understand that "it's still the same". No matter where I go I'm that one person who seems to be invisible to the crowd. I felt like those random anime characters in the background of every anime. The "back ground characters". Like the ones who are there just to emphasize the setting.
I just don't know anymore. I feel like it doesn't have to matter much to me if it doesn't matter to anyone. But with that feeling in mind, it makes me realize just how hollow on the inside I have become.
I'm a shut in and an outcast. And every day I walk into class no one seems to notice. No one there or out in society knows who I am or what I feel. And ever day I think it should be kept that way. But you can be different. Ending a life isn't going to change anything. It's only going to hurt the ones' who care for you. If you wanna get over this just keep "trying". Do what all the other posts tell you here and try to survive. Because if your like me you'll never be able to have that true feeling of being whole again. My post might be worthless here, but I'm glad to have spoke my mind about this too you. Even if it lays useless.

I really am thinking of disappearing...
I`m always a bother to everyone, it may be for the best...
I think thats why i can`t any love...
Everyone will always say I`m a bother...
I guess I`m going to end up alone, again...
It seems like its a cycle...
I find someone who i can call a friend...
We`ll hang out for a while, and then they stop automatically one day... Isn`t that hilarious?...
I joined the dollars so i can become strong and carring but it seems that i can`t do anything... I
became a bother apparently aagain...
I can grab someones heart but i keep it in the end....
I`m nothing but a witch who takes someones heart...
I`m horrible...awful..disgusting...
I`m even starting to hate my own self...
I hate it all so much... its so painful...
I wish... I can go back and reverse time and redue everything all over again...
I... became a witch and didn`t even realized...
I`m so sorry... everyone...
I`m so very sorry...
......
......




It feels like I`m living in a different country...
No one knows about me or my life...
Its like i was already being surrouded by strangers from the beginning... No one knows about me like everyone here in the dollars...
I`m sorry everyone...

I`m sorry...

take some time for yourself, relax, get away, get some help. You'll be fine ,my dear.

Listen, I know people who have attempted to kill themselves and now are thankful that their attempt did to succeed. Life has both good and bad times. It's like how you can't good without evil. I am going through something right now, but I know that if I work through it and talk to people I trust I can get through it. For really, the bad times are what make the good times so enjoyable. I got through my tough time and now I have a greater respect for life and it's struggles. Just take time to relax and take everyday step by step :P You can do it, I believe you can ;D

I really feel the same way...i've been dealing with depression for years also. Everyone tells me that i'll grow out of it, but they don't understand what the cause is. My cause is school/bullies...my teacher is now trying to switch me into a class with my sister to protect me, but lately, i've really been thinking that i dont really care anymore...i cant stand getting hit with the slightest thing (cap eraser even)or getting yelled at, but those things happen EVERY DAY and im sick and tired of it...the bullies(football players) have also said this for a class assignment...almost their exact words are below...i would never agree with these damn terms if it meant having my little group of friends harmed! im not saying that you'd come up with these if you're a football player, so dont get mad...its only the ones in a specific school...but the worst thing is that the coach/teacher had just proceeded to laugh about the entire damn thing...so i was rally pissed then...sorry for the language...

"For our made up political party, the rules are: 1. you have to be christian or you'll be executed (i'm not and my entire group of friends isnt),
2. we'll kill all homeless people (i love to do charity so i know lots of homeless people),
3. youll be murdered if your gay/bi (most of my friends are gay and bi),
4. you have to absolutely play football (the rest of the people that werent those announcing this crap cant do sports, including me),
and 5. no pets allowed, or we'll kill them. (i've only known to foster and take care of injured animals my entire life)."

I just couldn't take it anymore, so i had started to cry right there because i couldnt imagine a world with out gays/bis, the homeless that are really sweet, and people that werent christian...so i was all like (in my mind)"FUCK YOUR IDEALS!!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE THAT ARE IN THIS VERY ROOM THAT WOULD DIE IF THAT WERE TO BE REAL?!!!!!???...........even i would die.....

But the thing is, like almost everyone except for the super christian football players said that...at my school, the football players are stuck up jurks that are all popular..its just like the movies for me.......... because of things like that, i just dont care anymore and i wont go near another football player (theyve scared me all my life).....i couldnt take it anymore so im hiding behind my group of friends (4 guys)...

>>7
hey.... you know what would change your life?

i'll tell you.
Your situation is exactly like mine.
I don't have motivation, I am suffering from depression for straying myself from other people too much, I daydream often, and i know nothing about the outside world.

i'm still struggling through this complication, but...
I am actually my best in doing a lot of the missions here on this website. I've done this many times like how I left a dollar bill taped onto a vending machine one day to find it gone... I felt happy just like that.
I have made random cards and notes around school like a ghost, but i have tried to motivate others. Seeing those cards and notes being gone lets me know that someone at least read some of them, and it makes me smile. Doing this made me at least special in some way, in a way that I can benefit others.

>>1 You can't just disappear from people's lives, especially if they care about you. While it seems possible on paper or in your head, it just can't be done. People will always have memories of you, good or bad, and those memories will effect them in some way shape or form. And for those who do care about you, those memories will torture them. When they realize you're gone they will look for you, and when they don't find you, they will worry. This worry will turn to a form of paranoia and they will think you are dead or dying, but they won't be able to do anything about it. This will eat at their soul and send them into a depression not unlike yours, if not worse, but they may not handle it the same way you do. They could turn to drugs, self harm, seclusion, and possibly even suicide. So before you do anything like run away, think. Do you honestly want the people who care about you to go through that? You may be thinking "ok, how does this help me?" and I'll tell you. Those people who you just imagined going through that, no matter how many or few, are there for you. They will help you. Humans are creatures of contact and need human interaction. Secluding yourself will only cause you to spiral deeper into depression. Hang on to those people who care. You may think "no one cares about me" and if this is even close to being true, you are hanging around the wrong people, which may be what's causing your depression. If you think no one cares, all I have to say is you are looking in the wrong spot. Not everyone is cruel and hateful. There are good people in this world if you look for them. Sorry for the long post. Well, I hope this made you rethink what you want, and I hope you manage to find a way to deal with your depression. I hope you the best of luck.

http://www.chonday.com/Videos/It-Is-always-now-inspirational-story

watch this video, and really watch it, really think about what it says.

It. Is. All. Ways. Now.

Dont worry about the things that make you, all of you, unhappy. enjoy everyday, every moment of your life, every small one even if it is just finding that dollar taped to a vending machine. and every big one.
I have not lived a life that most people would like. my whole life i have had to live by one statement "shit happens" because my whole life has had bad or negative things in it. but i have refused to give in. refused to lose myself. refused to lose even the small things in life. my favorite thing in life is being in the passenger side of a car with my freinds driving and in the back set laughing and music playing, and me just sitting there looking out the window staring at the street lights at the night as they pass by. i dont know why i enjoy this small fleeting moment but i really enjoy it. and i refuse to not see the little moments that makes me happy even just a little, a very little amount.

to all you people here that see this, really look at your life. there is always something small you enjoy. pay attention to them and laugh or smile.

yes life can be sad and lonly and depressing. but remember you can always make it better, you can always be happier. to leave is not the answer to disappear is not the answer. someone cares about you someone would be effected if you leave. find what makes you happy, if you need a friend then find one truly try in life to find one, no matter what at some point in time you will find a friend.

just maybe just maybe you can find another person like your self, and you can bring both you and that person to happiness.

but just remember two things.
It. Is. All. Ways. Now.
enjoy every moment, even if its small.

and smile the world and your life is not as bad as you think.
stop it when you think badly of you or your life stop it. slap your self when you start to think bad. (what i do) force your self out of your denial of the fact that you deserve a good life. cause now matter what people or you think, you do deserve a good life

Try to find happiness in the little things, like, a nice warm spring day or a butterfly or snow. Y'know?
That's what I do.

once you disappear.... you know you can never do the things you had smiled and laughed to... or never see anything else that you loved doing. You won't even get to learn that can fill your life.... do you think you would have the courage to die by simply throwing away a life that you thought was worthless? I can't imagine a world without the things I have done to live my life as a full life. Like I said from the previous comment, my situation is the same as the people suffering from depression. I 'm still struggling to survive, I feel like not doing the things you want to do before you die.... just makes me feel inhuman. Is that not inhuman to you guys? Just to live there just like one part of the wild and die without doing the possibilities that could have taken you to the greatest benefit of your life...? We have all of this life... to see the wonders this world can have. There are no impossibilities, as long as you keep yourself alive with something in your heart. That's the first step. Maintain yourself. Adapt yourself. Keep yourself alive with life and flow.
Take a deep breath.
You know, that breath could have no been there. This what you can fear the most.
So don't disappear. Because this world is big. Whether you live up in the north or the south, or that you live in some dangerous place like Afghanistan or somewhere else, these people exist for each other. Why do we have education? School is actually not a jail but a great place to adapt to human nature- for you to prepare yourself alone and meet new expectations in a big planet.
This is your life.
Smile, the world isn't as bad as you think.
Please try out the missions here, and adapt to the Dollars.
Think to yourself why you exist, and what your passion is.
Stay with the Dollars :D

Don't... You may not care anymore but I guarantee there are people that care about you. My brother killed himself 3 years ago and I'm still suffering from depression anxiety and quite frankly have thought about disappearing myself. Find a good support system and get help. You really don't realize how much people care about you and how much you are hurting those you care about by doing something like that. Like so many others on this thread have said: "Smile, the world isn't as bad as you think." Things do get better.