Hey, I just feel like talking about my life as of thus for those who will listen. If you were to hear of my current situation you might question why I would be depressed or anything. I sound like I have it all good on paper really. My parents are paying for my college, they're letting me go with whatever I want, I have wonderful, supportive girlfriend, and I have great friends.
It all sounds so fucking perfect that I shouldn't be even making this post. Makes feel even worse for doing so.

You see I've grown up with anxiety and such, with only one instance of a major panic attack but other than that nothing much. It wasn't until college that things got from okay to a decline. Quick summay: first year, grades decent, fought a lot with ex and broke up with her by the end of the year, graphic design major. Second year, quit graphic design, switched to English, grades decline.

Now I'm in my third year of college but instead going to the one back here near my home. Barely taking any classes at all. Dropped a few of them too.

I've just been feeling... unmotivated. Down on life. Though it feels like I shouldn't be. I'm constantly reminded by everyone I shouldn't feel this way. But I do. I don't feel like I care about the future and don't want to live on my own.

I've done nothing but play games, go to some classes, and stay in my house most of the time. I just feel like I'm regressing more and more and I just feel more guitly and bad and shitty about myself. I never worked an honest job. I don't know what I want to do in the future. Everything feels so fucking hard or complicated. My friends have already exceeded in me and feels like I'm being left behind. It's just a constant cycle of hating myself more and more. Too lazy, too scared, too fucking angry.

I just feel pathetic... no ambition... no nothing... I don't want to die but sometimes I just feel like I'm dead in my cycle...

I just wanted to let it out...

I'm not great like my family or friends may claim...

I'm just a fucking loser, leech, and pathetic

Dude I feel you so much, except for the girlfriend and friends part.

I feel like being alone too much is what's stopping me from getting a hold of myself, but you do have friends. How are they? Have you talked to them and your girlfriend about how you feel? Did they understand anything? Do you have friends at school? People you could do career/school stuff together with so you don't feel like you have to do and decide everything on your own?

It's a fuzzy and shitty feeling and I think a lot of people/young adults feel like this to a degree. But it's like there's an acceptable limit of insecurity and apathy you are allowed to feel and be able to overcome, and crossing that line is when it starts to feel really bad. And the self-awareness and knowing that you by all means shouldn't feel this way is the worst. And then the guilt and doubt just snowball.

Keep trying, man! Force yourself to get out and do stuff. I keep telling myself to do that too, but don't listen to myself at all. It's so much easier to give up and hide from the things you're afraid of. Maybe you can do better than me.

Well isnt that something...People Are the same huh? We go through life thinking what we're feeling is individualistic and we often feel alone in our struggles. Yet, these things we think , we feel .. its like a common thing among humans, huh?
You, Me. You probably wont believe it but We're living the exact same life right now.. isnt that funny? I found it a bit surprising to be honest. Havent been on this site for many Many months and i stumble on this thread now..insane...

Everything you're feeling. Your situation. Seeing friends the same age as you already Living life, with a career, or life together, and switching majors because maybe you have many interests, many talents and feel like your walking aimlessly, having your parents pay for your school- you feel guilty because you dont Really know what you want to do, you cant assure them that you'll be ok in life, able to make it when your still so unsure, so you then feel like this great burden to them, because maybe financially its straining them to pay, and seeing that makes you feel sick you become sicken of ylurself, frustrated that You cant get it all together, that You have to rely on them right now, you feel like they're wasting their money, your wasting ti

..wasting time and so whats the point? Why finish school, waste their money, waste your time even more, why isnt your life where you'd like?
Its hard
Im somewhat ok now though..For the time being, my depression's...asleep. it feels like its gone out of my life but i know it will return again. All i can say about "getting over depression" is to just...tough it out. Be patient . Depression , negative thoughts, its like a passing cloud....it'll pass. About feeling like a parasite, well id say tough it out and be grateful that your parents Are helping you pay for school. There are parents who literally let their kids fend for themselves after 18. Let them pay it. You just try to finish what you start. It doest matter if the grades are slowly falling and gpa too.. (not in the long run anyway). The point is for you to just receive a degree. When you do, you would have paid that "debt" to your parents in full.
Just...wait. ok.

>>1 ask yourself: "Do I want to change?" If the answer is yes then that's your motivation. Find something that you do to do and focus on that. Experiment, take different courses and make it a goal to finish them with good grades. You can't do well if you don't give it your all. Make a list if goals, even if they're small they're still goals to keep you motivated :3
I hope that helps ^^

Two things:

1) Worth of a DOLLAR: http://dollars-bbs.org/missions/res/1385360276.html

2) Elliott Hulse (and strengthcamp) on youtube.
I suggest you watch some of his videos about depression, suicide, strength, and becoming "a stronger version of yourself"

"Oh, but Alaestor, Elliott Hulse is all about bodybuilding and weightlifting?" --True, that's what he focuses on most, but that isn't why you're there.